Okay
How the heck did you guys put up with me? I was such a whiny brat when you first met me. Seriously. Not to say I'm not one now, but that's not the point.
When I was younger, I imagined myself with multiple personalities. (Was I on some kind of crack or what?) By multiple, I mean I had a slew of personalities - maybe not a whole drawn-out list, but.. it was weird, in any case. I suppose it was an attempt at an explanation on how my offline self was different from my online self, and how my school personality was different from my family personality. Throughout the years, however, everything seemed to meet halfway: I'm not quite as ridiculously hyperactive and grammatically-challenged as I used to be online, and I'm not as mean and distant as I was offline. And, yeah, maybe I'm not quite there yet - maybe I won't be randomly screaming, "ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO US" in the halls any time soon, but at least I can say something that's not sarcastic or down-grading. I've come a long way to realize that - honestly? - the way I've been acting all this time isn't a "mask" or a barrier upon the world. Maybe I don't like it, and maybe I want to and will change it, but every "multiple personality" I've displayed is just a part of me. I can be hyper and say crack-induced things, I can also be suddenly serious and unsmiling.
What really ticked me off was how horribly ungrateful I was. "OMG, I'm alone and nobody loves me!" Like hell they didn't. If I had just opened my eyes wide enough to realize it, I would have seen scads of people standing beside me. But what's best, I suppose, is that I can see this now. There's everything in the world to be happy about - the fact that I'm alive, for one. The fact that I have a roof over my head, food in my fridge, and luxeries like computers is definitely something to be grateful for, and something millions (billions?) are deprived of every day. Also, like Ember once said, "And that's just for the human species." I have a wonderful family and the best friends that I could ever, ever ask for. (And yes, if you're reading this, this includes you. ♡)
I've come in and out of self-hatred, in and out of deciding who I wanted to be and who I was, and I think that, after all that, I've reached a sort of compromise. I might not like some aspects of me, sure, but I've never liked myself more than I have before.
Yeah. I swear I'll post something meaningful (!?) soon. =X
When I was younger, I imagined myself with multiple personalities. (Was I on some kind of crack or what?) By multiple, I mean I had a slew of personalities - maybe not a whole drawn-out list, but.. it was weird, in any case. I suppose it was an attempt at an explanation on how my offline self was different from my online self, and how my school personality was different from my family personality. Throughout the years, however, everything seemed to meet halfway: I'm not quite as ridiculously hyperactive and grammatically-challenged as I used to be online, and I'm not as mean and distant as I was offline. And, yeah, maybe I'm not quite there yet - maybe I won't be randomly screaming, "ALL YOUR BASE ARE BELONG TO US" in the halls any time soon, but at least I can say something that's not sarcastic or down-grading. I've come a long way to realize that - honestly? - the way I've been acting all this time isn't a "mask" or a barrier upon the world. Maybe I don't like it, and maybe I want to and will change it, but every "multiple personality" I've displayed is just a part of me. I can be hyper and say crack-induced things, I can also be suddenly serious and unsmiling.
What really ticked me off was how horribly ungrateful I was. "OMG, I'm alone and nobody loves me!" Like hell they didn't. If I had just opened my eyes wide enough to realize it, I would have seen scads of people standing beside me. But what's best, I suppose, is that I can see this now. There's everything in the world to be happy about - the fact that I'm alive, for one. The fact that I have a roof over my head, food in my fridge, and luxeries like computers is definitely something to be grateful for, and something millions (billions?) are deprived of every day. Also, like Ember once said, "And that's just for the human species." I have a wonderful family and the best friends that I could ever, ever ask for. (And yes, if you're reading this, this includes you. ♡)
I've come in and out of self-hatred, in and out of deciding who I wanted to be and who I was, and I think that, after all that, I've reached a sort of compromise. I might not like some aspects of me, sure, but I've never liked myself more than I have before.
Yeah. I swear I'll post something meaningful (!?) soon. =X