hm...
well - hello world. surely it has been a while. i dont even want to acknowledge the purpose of me writing in this journal of corruption.. but i might as well just to clear my thoughts... paradox? whatever. why must i procrastinate? death application #1 is due on november 1st. i'm frantically writing my personal essay realizing that 1)i can't write 2)i have the vocabulary of a 2nd grader and 3)i will never get in to the college of my choice with this peice of shit i call an essay. i never imagined the whole college process to be so stressful. perhaps if i started earlier, it wouldnt be so bad. but no - i decided to wait till the last 2 weeks to begin my essay writing. oh - might i add, sat ii's on the same day the application is due. another question for the minds to ponder? WHY THE FUCK DID I DECIDE TO TAKE THE FRENCH TEST? guiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiillotine!!!!!!! i have a billion things to do and a billion things more on my mind. i just really want this all to end. but no - it wont. somebody just take me back to sophomore year when it all really didnt matter... i dont know - i just feel so worthless right now.. i cant do anything. EVEN IN SCHOOL. im just a mass of undefined blob.
whats more horrible is that im not at that stage where i just give up.. no i still have emotions and i still have to fuckin care. why cant i just stop caring?
this is really not a good week... too bad this is only the beginning. only 2 more months of this shitty hell. i cant wait.
whats more horrible is that im not at that stage where i just give up.. no i still have emotions and i still have to fuckin care. why cant i just stop caring?
this is really not a good week... too bad this is only the beginning. only 2 more months of this shitty hell. i cant wait.