discovery
I have come to the conclusion that when I am upset or anything, I never want to sleep. I keep telling myself each night that the next day I have to take a nap between jobs. Today I went running instead. And now here I am up on my computer instead of sleeping. A part of me wants to sleep, but another part of me is so awake I won't let myself lie down.
The saying 'what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger' definately comes into play right now in my life. This whole divorce has made me much stronger in what I believe. Dave just called me begging me to come over. Then he asked if I wanted to go over to his place tomorrow and fuck. I was very surprised and I knew right away that he had been drinking. Not one once of me wanted to go over there. I'm tired of worrying about how he feels - it's time to start focusing on what's best for me. I'm tired period. So I waited a few seconds and straight up told him no. He was silent and embarrassed. Don't EVER make me feel that cheap. ever.
Each day is a new discovery for me. Today I realized I am a much harder worker than most of the people out there, and more responsible than even more of them. I think I'm a 30 year old trapped in a 21 year old body. I hate that I grew up so quickly. Nothing is really all that fun anymore... I think it's time to venture out and find new ways to have a good time. I'm missing something exciting... I know it.
I wonder if this is the final stage to becoming an adult. Finding out that no one ever grows up... growing up is an expression that is interpretted differently among everyone.
I don't think I am depressed right now... I believe I am extremely overwhelmed and don't know how exactly to deal with it. I don't know where I can go anymore to hide... I am forced to look at everyting straight in the eye and get it sorted out.
The saying 'what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger' definately comes into play right now in my life. This whole divorce has made me much stronger in what I believe. Dave just called me begging me to come over. Then he asked if I wanted to go over to his place tomorrow and fuck. I was very surprised and I knew right away that he had been drinking. Not one once of me wanted to go over there. I'm tired of worrying about how he feels - it's time to start focusing on what's best for me. I'm tired period. So I waited a few seconds and straight up told him no. He was silent and embarrassed. Don't EVER make me feel that cheap. ever.
Each day is a new discovery for me. Today I realized I am a much harder worker than most of the people out there, and more responsible than even more of them. I think I'm a 30 year old trapped in a 21 year old body. I hate that I grew up so quickly. Nothing is really all that fun anymore... I think it's time to venture out and find new ways to have a good time. I'm missing something exciting... I know it.
I wonder if this is the final stage to becoming an adult. Finding out that no one ever grows up... growing up is an expression that is interpretted differently among everyone.
I don't think I am depressed right now... I believe I am extremely overwhelmed and don't know how exactly to deal with it. I don't know where I can go anymore to hide... I am forced to look at everyting straight in the eye and get it sorted out.