i don't believe i've lost you yet.
i don't want to do my assignment. there's too much song in my heart, there's too much prayer on my mind.
your picture is right in front of me, a picture I didn't take of you, a picture from when you were sure I was gone forever, looking dead into the camera with crayon-red hair and a searing distrust in tomorrow. You'll take comfort in a few years from now, but tomorrow? Tomorrow terrifies you. To look in my eyes scares the mess out of you.
You're so good at running, but you're terrible at hiding. I know where you are...I just wonder when you'll be back. I'm better at the hiding part.
When I looked at your face through the one-inch crack in the doorway I felt my stomach sink and I figured you'd slept with her (if not inside her then right beside her. which is worse? neither.). And you couldn't say anything for her pull on you. You were trapped, and you set that trap yourself. You looked at me with a mixture of embarrassment, shame, and apology.
if only i could be there. would it make a difference? I've been in my hometown, not knowing you were waiting for me while you were sitting in your room writing these songs. Now I'm in Denton, listening to the songs, while you are filling your mind with someone who's body can be there for you while you're reaching out for the beauty in my soul. Someday you'll have me both ways.
Brandi, his best friend's girlfriend, age 20: "We'll be sisters. I promise."
Dayna, our spiritual mother: "He will continue to compare every other girl to you, throughout his life....but if he doesn't grab onto [his calling] while it's offered to him, he will lose it forever and God will bring another man into your life."
me: "But until that pull towards him lets me go, I can do nothing else but pray."
The world would call this kind of thing pathetic. I was never much for the world anyway. I'm just happy to be part of a plan. No looking back now.
I told you in November that I wouldn't back down, would jump in with no-one else until I saw how this story unfolds. Oh, it's unfolding. I heard it in our voices, I feel it every time I sing with the ghost of you, every time I dance, every time I imagine you sitting next to me as I go through my displaced day.
i love more than your eyes, your lips and your legs and your arms. I wish there was a way I could tell you. But for now I'll just have to assume that you already know.
just a month ago...can you believe that? four weeks ago we were playing guitar and singing on a pier in the middle of nowhere, moonlight, frogs, crickets, the whole thing.
you: "you say you live in a place where you can't see the stars....you fell down just for me, i will be content to wait until the day you come home."
me: "i will run back to my homeland, I will run through the grass...I love you from the ends of your hair to your roughened palms to the soles of your ever-hidden feet."
Father, it's a shame I can't remember every word....but You can.
your picture is right in front of me, a picture I didn't take of you, a picture from when you were sure I was gone forever, looking dead into the camera with crayon-red hair and a searing distrust in tomorrow. You'll take comfort in a few years from now, but tomorrow? Tomorrow terrifies you. To look in my eyes scares the mess out of you.
You're so good at running, but you're terrible at hiding. I know where you are...I just wonder when you'll be back. I'm better at the hiding part.
When I looked at your face through the one-inch crack in the doorway I felt my stomach sink and I figured you'd slept with her (if not inside her then right beside her. which is worse? neither.). And you couldn't say anything for her pull on you. You were trapped, and you set that trap yourself. You looked at me with a mixture of embarrassment, shame, and apology.
if only i could be there. would it make a difference? I've been in my hometown, not knowing you were waiting for me while you were sitting in your room writing these songs. Now I'm in Denton, listening to the songs, while you are filling your mind with someone who's body can be there for you while you're reaching out for the beauty in my soul. Someday you'll have me both ways.
Brandi, his best friend's girlfriend, age 20: "We'll be sisters. I promise."
Dayna, our spiritual mother: "He will continue to compare every other girl to you, throughout his life....but if he doesn't grab onto [his calling] while it's offered to him, he will lose it forever and God will bring another man into your life."
me: "But until that pull towards him lets me go, I can do nothing else but pray."
The world would call this kind of thing pathetic. I was never much for the world anyway. I'm just happy to be part of a plan. No looking back now.
I told you in November that I wouldn't back down, would jump in with no-one else until I saw how this story unfolds. Oh, it's unfolding. I heard it in our voices, I feel it every time I sing with the ghost of you, every time I dance, every time I imagine you sitting next to me as I go through my displaced day.
i love more than your eyes, your lips and your legs and your arms. I wish there was a way I could tell you. But for now I'll just have to assume that you already know.
just a month ago...can you believe that? four weeks ago we were playing guitar and singing on a pier in the middle of nowhere, moonlight, frogs, crickets, the whole thing.
you: "you say you live in a place where you can't see the stars....you fell down just for me, i will be content to wait until the day you come home."
me: "i will run back to my homeland, I will run through the grass...I love you from the ends of your hair to your roughened palms to the soles of your ever-hidden feet."
Father, it's a shame I can't remember every word....but You can.