Navel Dilema
Will sighed inwardly for what felt like the thousandth time. He had been at this meeting for hours and no matter how many times he scratched, he still had a hideous itch around his middle. Thankfully, the director had adjourned the meeting and he was free to go. He picked up his bag and ran outside.
The sun was glorious. He was in Los Angeles for a new movie and the heat was a nice change from cold, gloomy England.
But that itch did not relent. He scratched silently all the way to his car. He wondered if maybe he had bed bugs in his house. William shuddered at the thought and laughed at what Anna’s reaction would be if there were bed bugs in their house.
He finally reached his car and sat inside. Before even starting the engine he pulled off his shirt and sat back in his seat. Well it wasn’t his shirt because as soon as it had come off the itch remained, and somewhat intensified. He looked down at his middle and almost gasped in disgust.
There was a giant glob of lint in his navel. And with summer’s heat, his sweat turned it from fluffy to… well just a gross glob of sticky lint-like stuff.
He grimaced and stuck his finger in it to pull it out. But once he started sweating, it refused to come out. The only solution for his navel problem was a shower.
He raced home as soon as possible, which was not soon at all given LA’s famous traffic. He sat in the car with the air conditioning blasting in attempts to cool off and perhaps dry the navel glob out. But it was no use, every time he looked at his stomach, and his navel, he began sweating again with a desire to get it out.
Finally after what seemed hours, he arrived home still shirtless and very agitated. He barely said hello to his lovely girlfriend and ran into his shower. The cool water was bliss and he went to work immediately picking all of the nasty mess out of his navel.
Even in the shower, it put up quite a fight. While the glob as a collective whole came out nicely, it left residue in and around his navel, probably from all of the picking in the car. This was ridiculous. The lint would not give up its cozy home in his navel.
He stuck his head out from behind the curtain to find something in the bathroom to to assist in his battle. His eyes first fell on the plunger, but circumstances were not that desperate yet. “Too extreme,” he muttered. His eyes wandered further to all of Anna’s various make-up applicators and strange beauty tools. He saw a set of tweezers.
“Perfect,” he said grinning wildly. He jumped out of the tub, almost slipping across the floors, (for Anna had put all of the bath rugs in the wash, which he would have known if he had stopped to listen on his way in the house) and grabbed the tweezers triumphantly. He jumped back into the tub excitedly and began his quest once more.
The itch had returned and intensified with the heat of the shower. But this time it would not win. William blindly stuck the tweezers in his navel and yanked as hard as possible.
The pain was indescribable. It felt as if someone had put a hook around his middle and pulled his insides out, which was essentially what he had done. He yelped in pain, dropped the tweezers and jumped in the air, all in one go. Unfortunately for him, gravity worked faster on the tweezers and when he landed, his right foot landed on the metal tweezers.
As if poor William was not upset enough, he began jumping on one foot, holding the other while trying to massage the pain. And due to all of this hopping, he slipped on the soap bar which he dropped in his search for a usable tool, and fell right out of the tub, only his legs remained in the tub. The shower curtain tore right off its hooks and water came spilling into the bathroom.
William glared at the ceiling for a moment before finally admitting defeat. The lint had won, and he would simply live with this itch for days or weeks, or even years. Only time would tell. His miserable thoughts were interrupted by a knock at the door.
“Will, are you alright? What is going on in there?” Anna called through the door. Slowly, William got up, turned the water off and wrapped a towel around his hips. He opened the door and Anna was still standing there, her face full of concern. She looked around him into the bathroom and her mouth fell open in surprise. “What were you doing? You ripped the curtain! And the place is a mess!” She walked inside for further examination. “And why are my tweezers in the tub?”
She turned to look at William and his face was a strange cross between anger, pain and agony. “Anna,” he whimpered. “There is lint in my navel and I can NOT GET IT OUT!” He bellowed as if his very world was crashing down around him.
Anna fought hard the urge to laugh and said in the nicest voice possible, “Why don’t you wait in the bedroom? Let me find something to fix this.” She walked out of the bathroom quickly and he went to the bedroom. He flopped down on the bed, still dripping wet and still upset. How will she find something I didn’t, he wondered to himself.
Anna came back in the room with a small towel. “What is that?” William asked, lifting his head a little to look at her.
“Just relax,” she said and climbed atop the bed. She sat to the side of him and wiped his navel clean with the towel. It had some clean smelling liquid on it. “All done, now go finish you shower.”
“But what was that?” William asked again.
“Fabric softener. Its supposed to soften clothes and keep the lint off. I only just bought it today for laundry.” She smiled at him and left the room.
William went to finish his shower in the guest bathroom, where there was both a shower curtain and a bath rug. He dressed and went downstairs to the kitchen. Anna was making tea and pulling fruit out of the fridge. He sat down at the table and waited for her while she poured the tea. After placing both cups on the table, she went back to the kitchen and returned with a plate full of oranges and a knife. She slid it over to him to cut.
He picked up an orange and looked for any labels to take off first. He turned it and turned it in his hands and suddenly stopped.
“Anna.”
“Yes Will?”
“These oranges,” he said softly. “These oranges have navels.”
“Yes dear, we are in California. They are the local specialty.”
He gazed at the orange for some time. Finally Anna let out an exasperated sigh and took the knife, and another orange and started cutting.
“Anna, do you think oranges ever have lint problems?”
She stopped cutting and looked at him, raising one eyebrow. “What did you say?”
“I mean, do you think they get lint in their navels too?”
His only answer was her musical laughter. She laughed and laughed, and dropped the orange and knife. His protests to be taken seriously only made her laugh even harder.
Oh well. At least he still had his tea.
The sun was glorious. He was in Los Angeles for a new movie and the heat was a nice change from cold, gloomy England.
But that itch did not relent. He scratched silently all the way to his car. He wondered if maybe he had bed bugs in his house. William shuddered at the thought and laughed at what Anna’s reaction would be if there were bed bugs in their house.
He finally reached his car and sat inside. Before even starting the engine he pulled off his shirt and sat back in his seat. Well it wasn’t his shirt because as soon as it had come off the itch remained, and somewhat intensified. He looked down at his middle and almost gasped in disgust.
There was a giant glob of lint in his navel. And with summer’s heat, his sweat turned it from fluffy to… well just a gross glob of sticky lint-like stuff.
He grimaced and stuck his finger in it to pull it out. But once he started sweating, it refused to come out. The only solution for his navel problem was a shower.
He raced home as soon as possible, which was not soon at all given LA’s famous traffic. He sat in the car with the air conditioning blasting in attempts to cool off and perhaps dry the navel glob out. But it was no use, every time he looked at his stomach, and his navel, he began sweating again with a desire to get it out.
Finally after what seemed hours, he arrived home still shirtless and very agitated. He barely said hello to his lovely girlfriend and ran into his shower. The cool water was bliss and he went to work immediately picking all of the nasty mess out of his navel.
Even in the shower, it put up quite a fight. While the glob as a collective whole came out nicely, it left residue in and around his navel, probably from all of the picking in the car. This was ridiculous. The lint would not give up its cozy home in his navel.
He stuck his head out from behind the curtain to find something in the bathroom to to assist in his battle. His eyes first fell on the plunger, but circumstances were not that desperate yet. “Too extreme,” he muttered. His eyes wandered further to all of Anna’s various make-up applicators and strange beauty tools. He saw a set of tweezers.
“Perfect,” he said grinning wildly. He jumped out of the tub, almost slipping across the floors, (for Anna had put all of the bath rugs in the wash, which he would have known if he had stopped to listen on his way in the house) and grabbed the tweezers triumphantly. He jumped back into the tub excitedly and began his quest once more.
The itch had returned and intensified with the heat of the shower. But this time it would not win. William blindly stuck the tweezers in his navel and yanked as hard as possible.
The pain was indescribable. It felt as if someone had put a hook around his middle and pulled his insides out, which was essentially what he had done. He yelped in pain, dropped the tweezers and jumped in the air, all in one go. Unfortunately for him, gravity worked faster on the tweezers and when he landed, his right foot landed on the metal tweezers.
As if poor William was not upset enough, he began jumping on one foot, holding the other while trying to massage the pain. And due to all of this hopping, he slipped on the soap bar which he dropped in his search for a usable tool, and fell right out of the tub, only his legs remained in the tub. The shower curtain tore right off its hooks and water came spilling into the bathroom.
William glared at the ceiling for a moment before finally admitting defeat. The lint had won, and he would simply live with this itch for days or weeks, or even years. Only time would tell. His miserable thoughts were interrupted by a knock at the door.
“Will, are you alright? What is going on in there?” Anna called through the door. Slowly, William got up, turned the water off and wrapped a towel around his hips. He opened the door and Anna was still standing there, her face full of concern. She looked around him into the bathroom and her mouth fell open in surprise. “What were you doing? You ripped the curtain! And the place is a mess!” She walked inside for further examination. “And why are my tweezers in the tub?”
She turned to look at William and his face was a strange cross between anger, pain and agony. “Anna,” he whimpered. “There is lint in my navel and I can NOT GET IT OUT!” He bellowed as if his very world was crashing down around him.
Anna fought hard the urge to laugh and said in the nicest voice possible, “Why don’t you wait in the bedroom? Let me find something to fix this.” She walked out of the bathroom quickly and he went to the bedroom. He flopped down on the bed, still dripping wet and still upset. How will she find something I didn’t, he wondered to himself.
Anna came back in the room with a small towel. “What is that?” William asked, lifting his head a little to look at her.
“Just relax,” she said and climbed atop the bed. She sat to the side of him and wiped his navel clean with the towel. It had some clean smelling liquid on it. “All done, now go finish you shower.”
“But what was that?” William asked again.
“Fabric softener. Its supposed to soften clothes and keep the lint off. I only just bought it today for laundry.” She smiled at him and left the room.
William went to finish his shower in the guest bathroom, where there was both a shower curtain and a bath rug. He dressed and went downstairs to the kitchen. Anna was making tea and pulling fruit out of the fridge. He sat down at the table and waited for her while she poured the tea. After placing both cups on the table, she went back to the kitchen and returned with a plate full of oranges and a knife. She slid it over to him to cut.
He picked up an orange and looked for any labels to take off first. He turned it and turned it in his hands and suddenly stopped.
“Anna.”
“Yes Will?”
“These oranges,” he said softly. “These oranges have navels.”
“Yes dear, we are in California. They are the local specialty.”
He gazed at the orange for some time. Finally Anna let out an exasperated sigh and took the knife, and another orange and started cutting.
“Anna, do you think oranges ever have lint problems?”
She stopped cutting and looked at him, raising one eyebrow. “What did you say?”
“I mean, do you think they get lint in their navels too?”
His only answer was her musical laughter. She laughed and laughed, and dropped the orange and knife. His protests to be taken seriously only made her laugh even harder.
Oh well. At least he still had his tea.