Everything I'm Not (1/?)
Title: Everything I’m Not
Words: 2,241
Rating: M for graphic violence.
Summary: Post HBP. Draco has failed in his mission and his life is forfeit, so he goes the one place no one will look for him; Harry’s. Here he sees that life is not as he expected for The-Boy-Who-Lived, and when things go to far he steps in to save the boy he once thought was his enemy.
Warnings: Slash m/m, Harry/Draco. Abuse, graphic violence. If you don’t like the above, or cannot stomach them please do not read. This is, simply, your last warning. All flames and hate-mail/reviews will be promptly ignored. Thankyouverymuch.
Disclaimer: Harry Potter is © J. K. Rowling, Warner Brothers, Scholastic Books, Bloomsbury Books, and all other entities involved in the Potterverse. The situations in which the characters find themselves, and the plot of this piece of fan fiction is solely the work of my twisted, slash infected mind. No money is being made and no infringement is intended. Please don’t sue me. I’m merely playing in JKR’s world. ^_^
Chapter One: Summer Begins in Blood
He had failed. That was the most important thing going through Draco Malfoy’s head. Well, second to the shock of seeing the headmaster’s death. He had failed, and the Dark Lord was going to kill him. Time passed through in a haze, the next thing he knew he was being dragged along behind Professor Snape outside of the school wards where they apparated away to Spinners End. His stomach clenched at the pull from the apparition and he dropped to his knees, dry-heaving, one hand clutching desperately at his professors robes. He was going to die.
“Mr. Malfoy, if you would be so kind as to release my robes this instant,” Snape’s cold voice cut through the fog surrounding Draco’s mind and he nodded slightly, letting go instantly. He didn’t see the look on Snape’s face as he looked down upon him; a touch of concern, mingled with sorrow, with a pinch of exasperation. “Good. Now stand up and follow me.” The professor walked away swiftly, disabling the wards surrounding his home as he did so. The moment they were inside the door was slammed shut, causing the blond Slytherin to jump slightly, slowly lifting grey eyes to look at the professor.
“Now, the way I see it, you have two choices. You can turn yourself in to the Dark Lord, although you and I are both fully aware of what he will do for your… transgression. Or you can try to run. I imagine this would be a viable choice for you boy, though there are hardly many places no one would choose to look for you. Either way your life will be forfeit.”
While the professor has been speaking, Draco had been assessing his options. He knew that no matter what he chose to do, the Dark Lord would see his death for this. If he went back however, he may be able to save his family - or maybe not. One could never be too certain with him. At the mention of running, however, Draco’s head lifted and he caught his professor looking at him with something that could almost pass for sympathy. Was Professor Snape really going to let him run? He nodded slowly, almost lost in thought. If he ran he would need to find someplace safe, someplace no one would ever think to look for him.
Draco stood, arms crossed in front of his chest, wand held loosely in his hand. “Of course, Severus, you are correct. I am entirely at fault,” his lips lifted in a sneer, reminiscent of his fathers. “However, since the old coot is dead I think I’ll simply be on my way. I’m sure you’d be so kind as to give me a head start before letting the Dark Lord know what has… transpired?”
Professor Severus Snape sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose as he looked at his favourite student. “Draco, get some sleep before you go running off. After this evening you’ll need the rest. No one but you and I saw what happened in that corridor, so you should at least have the night. As for the morning, well, if you’re gone before I awake then I can honestly inform the Dark Lord that you were gone without my knowledge.”
Smirking, Draco spun on his heel and headed towards the guest room he usually stayed in when he visited here. “Everything is still in its usual places, yes?” He called back over his shoulder, not expecting a response from the potions master.
Draco looked around the room and pulled a bag out of the wardrobe, stuffing things in haphazardly; thankful it was enlarged within, much like a wizard’s tent, so there was lots of room to store everything he would need. Potions which could come in handy where carefully placed into the side-pockets, changes of clothing, and galleons in the main portion. Last, but certainly not least he added enough food to keep him going for weeks, reciting the preserving charm to make certain the food would keep.
Then Draco settled onto the bed and began to plan. He needed a place no one would think to find him. It couldn’t be anything belonging to the Malfoy’s as that would be the first place both sides would check for him. It wouldn’t do to be caught there, after this he was sure he’d be disowned anyways. He briefly entertained the notion of going to Pansy’s but knew that would be almost as foolish as going to his own property. And it was the same with Crabbe and Goyle’s. It seemed he was entirely on his own for this, and could not expect any help from his ‘friends’.
So, if he couldn’t count on his friends, then where else? Sighing, he wracked his brain, trying to think of someplace he would never expect himself to go. A bark of laughter escaped him as he thought. He knew just the place.
Harry Potter sighed softly, leaning his head against the window of the Hogwarts Express, one hand fisting in his pocket to hold tightly to the locket in his pocket. The chill from the window was soothing, and he let his eyes drift closed slowly. He knew Ron and Hermione would be back soon to worry over him some more, but he needed a moment to compose himself. They wanted to come back to the Dursley’s with him; however he knew that wouldn’t be a good idea. He didn’t want them to see, to know. He wouldn’t be able to bear the looks on their face, if they even still wanted to be around him after they knew.
The sound of the door sliding open startled Harry slightly, and he lifted his head to see the reflection of his two best friends in the window. A weak smile curved his lips and he turned. “Hi guys.”
“Oh, Harry, are you feeling okay?” Hermione bustled over and pressed her hand on Harry’s forehead, frowning slightly as Harry ducked out of her reach and leaned back into his seat. Ever since the Headmasters death Harry had withdrawn into himself. His friends could see that he was trying not to worry them, but the more he pretended the easier it was to see that something was horribly wrong with the boy they had known for so long.
“Yeah, ‘Mione, I’m fine. Actually I wanted to talk to the two of you about this summer.” Harry paused, waiting for the two to settle into their seats before he continued on, not noticing the looks of worry that were exchanged between the two. “Look, I know you guys want to come to the Dursley’s with me, but, well, I think it would be best if I did this on my own. I’ll be perfectly safe there.” He almost laughed at this, if you can call dealing with my fat uncle Vernon’s abuse safe. “I’ll only be staying until my birthday and then I can meet you guys at The Burrow. If your family will have me, that is Ron.”
“Blimey, mate, of course we’ll have you! You’re a honourary Weasely anyways, and I know Mum would love to see you. But are you sure about going back to your family by yourself?” Ron frowned. After second years rescue he’d had a feeling that his family wasn’t of the good sort, but Harry had never told them much other than that he hadn’t had much to eat due to a diet of his cousins. Hermione and he had stayed up late worrying about Harry, but unless Harry would tell them something more they both knew there wasn’t much to be done.
“’Course I’m sure, Ron. Besides, it wouldn’t be fair to the Dursley’s to just show up with a couple of guests without letting them know in advance anyways.” Harry smiled, emerald eyes shimmering with emotion. He knew that if he even attempted to have them come home with him that uncle Vernon would flip, and then he would be in for it. He couldn’t tell them that of course, so he hid behind good manners, knowing it would at least sway Hermione.
“Well, Harry,” Hermione nodded slowly, concern tingeing her voice, “I guess you’re correct. It really wouldn’t be fair of us to just show up like that. But promise me you’ll owl us every week, and that you’ll be there on your birthday?”
“Of course I will, ‘Mione!” Harry smiled again and sank back against his seat, closing his eyes against the relief he felt flooding through him. They wouldn’t come with him. His secret was safe. Again his two friends exchanged looks that Harry didn’t notice, too caught up in his own thoughts to see the worry they shared.
When they arrived at King’s Cross the Grangers were already there, as were the Weasleys. Harry said his goodbyes and watched as his two best friends were swept away by their families, a stab of jealousy going through him straight to his heart. He smiled sadly, wishing just once he could be just as happy as they were. He found himself wishing he could have a large family like Ron, where even though they didn’t have a lot they still had each other and was always happy. He knew things weren’t always easy for the redheads family but they were blessed more than any family he’d ever had the pleasure to spend time with before. This didn’t say much, as he hadn’t spent much time in many families before, but he knew that they were still lucky.
He was also envious of Hermione. Even though she was an only child and had no siblings to share everything with, the good and the bad, she had everything Harry wished for for4 himself. She had parents who loved and supported her beyond anything he had ever seen before. He knew they had wanted her to come home after Dumbledore’s death but had agreed to let her stay at the school until after the funeral.
He was happy that Hermione had such wonderful parents, but couldn’t help but wish that his own parents were still around to have been protective of him like Hermione’s were of her. Or that he could have lots of siblings like Ron, so even if his parents weren’t around any longer he would still have family to share his life with. Harry’s bitter thoughts turned to Sirius and he sighed softly. He’d had family, or the next best thing to it anyways, and it had been his fault he no longer had any family left.
His morbid musings were interrupted when a familiar shadow fell across him and he looked up, eyes flashing slightly with fear before he steeled himself for what he knew was going to come. The forbidding, large, rotund shape of his uncle was above him, blocking out the light of the sun. Harry knew most people looked at his uncle and thought he was simply fat; Harry, however, knew it wasn’t fat but muscle that made the man appear so large.
Vernon Dursley scowled at the boy. “Well? What are you waiting for, you good-for-nothing freak? Get up, quietly, and let’s get out of here before I’m seen with trash the likes of you.” He continued to mutter under his breath about how he had better not be seen with his freak of a nephew by anyone he knew or the boy would pay. Harry got to his feet as quickly as he could; knowing that when his uncle said he would pay he meant it, lifting up Hedwig’s cage. Hedwig flapped her wings in the cage, nipping at Harry’s fingers. “Oh no,” Vernon turned toe yes the cage, scowling even harder, if that was possible. “That thing will not be brought to my house again boy.” His hand flew out, knocking the cage from Harry’s hands, the door opening to allow the snowy owl its freedom.
Hedwig flew to settle on Harry’s shoulder, nipping at his ear worriedly. Frowning slightly at his uncle, he reached up to caress and soothe her feathers. There was no accounting what his uncle would do while he was in a mood like this, as Harry had learned at a very young age. He knew, then and there, that his uncle was ion one of those moods and if he didn’t want to make things harder on himself he was going to have to listen to what he had to say. “Go on girl. You go on to The Burrow and stay with the Weasleys for a while.” She gave him a look that clearly expressed her concern but took to flight anyways, circling twice before she winged out of sight.
When Hedwig was out of sight Harry lowered his gaze to the ground and meekly picked up his trunk, following his uncle as quietly as he could. Maybe if I’m quiet now things won’t be so bad when we get home, he thought to himself. A false hope, he knew, but he clung to it all the same. As he was leaving the building he thought he could feel someone watching him. He lifted his head and looked around. He saw a faint shimmer behind him and to the right, but when he blinked again it was gone. That was weird. He sighed softly and shook his head, hurrying after his uncle.
The two quickly made their way out to the automobile, Vernon still muttering under his breath about the freak. When Harry was close enough to overhear he paled slightly, fingers tightening on the handle of his trunk, fighting back the urge to simply run. ‘I’ll show that little bastard, he’ll get what he has coming to him.’ This had happened every summer since he first started going to Hogwarts, however Harry contended himself with the knowledge that the Dursley’s were still frightened of the order members they had met previously, as well as the conversation with Dumbledore just last year. His throat tightened at the thought of Dumbledore, and when Vernon backhanded him causing him to stumble a few steps, Harry was unprepared.
“Haven’t you been listening to single word I said? Get that trunk of yours loaded into the automobile you little freak or you won’t be seeing it ever again.” He sneered at Harry, and Harry found himself considering that his uncle could sneer almost as well as Malfoy could. Blinking back tears, Harry wiped the back of his hand over his lips, surprised to see a smear of blood from what he could only assume to be a split lip.
“Yes Uncle Vernon. I’m sorry, sir.” Turning, Harry quickly lifted the trunk, struggling with the weight and wishing he could use a weightless charm. Damn ministry rules. He was almost seventeen. Harry lifted his hands to close the boot of the automobile, his shirt lifting just enough to flash his wand, tucked into the back of his trousers like a muggle gun, only to be shocked when his uncle’s hand snaked out and snatched it from him before he could stop him.
Vernon smiled maliciously at the flash of fear he could see in the boys eyes. Good, the brat deserved to be afraid. After all, every summer before it was the rest of the family that was afraid, now wasn’t? Not that Vernon would be admitting that anytime soon, mind you. Not unless he was under the Cruciatus. “I’ll be taking this from you boy. Can’t have you using of that filthy magic of yours, now can we?” He threw the wand onto the front seat of the automobile and rounded on Harry, hand rising to strike as he spun. “Now get in, boy. I’ve already wasted too much time coming to pick you up, filthy piece of trash.”
Harry nodded, his eyes watching the hand warily as he slipped into the backseat of the automobile, buckling up his seatbelt quietly. When Vernon nodded and started off on the drive home Harry let his head slip forward to rest in his hands. His uncle was already in a mood, and Harry knew without a doubt that things would only get worse from here on out. He choked back a sob, fighting back tears. He knew this is what Dumbledore would have wanted, and he had sworn he was Dumbledore’s man until the very end.
Hidden under a disillusionment charm Draco sat on the floor of the automobile, as far away from Harry as he could get. His eyes gleamed with amusement, and he couldn’t keep the smile off of his face. This was bloody brilliant! Half the wizarding world was terrified of Harry Bloody Potter, and he was cowed by his fat uncle of a muggle. He was nearly rubbing his hands together in glee, but he managed to withhold the chuckle that threatened to escape. After everything Potter has put me through it’s nice to see that he’s getting exactly what he deserves. He grinned, taking the opportunity to study his nemesis.
Black, perpetually messy hair, those hideous glasses, and clothing that looked like it should have been thrown out years ago. Ugh. Who the hell does Potter’s shopping? Hideous that’s what that is. He shook his head; He really could be attractive if he’d only put a little bit of work into it. And did I just think of Potter as being attractive? Draco wanted to Scourgify his brain from those thoughts.
He was still watching him when Harry lifted his head, eyes flashing Avada Kedavra green fire towards his uncle, and Draco gasped. He wasn’t really cowed or broken at all, was he? Instead he hated the man but would pretend to be submissive. Humph. Reminded him of his own father, the way he would bow and scrape before the Dark Lord when on his own he was just trying to make sure he stayed alive. Honestly, if he didn’t know any better he would think Harry was a Slytherin.
The automobile lurched to a stop and Draco wedged himself down into the corner, waiting for the door to open up so he could scurry out without anyone noticing. Harry slid out of the car with some of the natural grace he only seemed to exhibit on his broom and stood up, hurrying towards the trunk to fetch his trunk, Draco following. His hand brushed across Vernon’s stomach as he followed after Harry and the man rounded on Harry, eyes locked on the boy. “What did you just do, freak? I have your little stick so you better be watching yourself. None of that magic here, do you hear me?” His hand came down across Harry’s face again, and he stumbled, landing against the car, his eyes wide.
“I didn’t do anything Uncle Vernon, honest! I’ll be good this summer, and I’ll be gone on my birthday anyways. You’ll never have to see me again.” Harry backed up, almost tripping on his trunk as his uncle followed him back those few steps. His eyes watched Vernon’s hands warily. He knew there was a very real possibility that things would get worse, but usually his uncle waited at least a few days before the real abuse started, so what was so different this time?
“Oh, I know you’ll be good boy. Now get that trunk of yours inside or you’ll be back in the cupboard, boy.” Harry nodded and quickly began pulling his trunk towards the house and his room. Once inside his room he turned around and started unpacking quickly. With the door shut he lifted the loose floorboard under his bed and quickly shoved in his most important things, wishing that there was room in there for him. Sighing, he finished putting his things away just in time.
The door swung open violently, crashing into the wall and Harry stood up slowly, watching his uncle Vernon push into the room. “Now then, freak, we got a message form one of those bloody birds of your kinds. Do you know what it said? That interfering headmaster of yours is dead, boy. And that means this time no one is going to come save you. You’re mine boy. You’re going to wish you never came to this house before.” While Vernon was talking he had stalked across the room, following Harry’s movements as he backed into a corner. His hand lifted for another blow to the boy, and Harry slumped to the floor, head spinning from the force this time.
His uncle’s feet lashed into his stomach, and ribs, seeking weakness as Harry tried to curl in on himself, to protect his slender body. Groaning, Harry felt his uncle’s foot catch his face, shattering the lens in his glasses. Blood started to flow freely, pooling on the floor underneath Harry. But the pain wouldn’t stop, his uncle continued to hit and kick at Harry until he slipped into the blissful peace of blackness that surrounded him and cradled him as a child. But Draco watched, and he saw. Until Harry had passed out they had continued to shine Avada Kedavra green, full of hatred. And Draco found he was just a little bit scared.
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