Swallow your pride...
me...if you know me...i'm full of pride...i hate being shown up, out done, put down, told wrong...
i guess in the past two years, i've gone through some of the toughest times i've ever experienced...from the break up, to the hospital, to the depression, to the dropping of grades, to gaining weight, to money problems, to car problems, to drinking, to smoking, to drugs, to lies, to stealing, to losing friends, to losing family, to losing control of sanity...to SO MUCH MORE...
i've experienced...SOOOOOOOOO MUCH in two years time...i can't believe i've survived...so many times i wanted to give up, and so many times i wanted to run away...very close at times, but something kept holding me to stay here...from fights to drama to etc...i've experienced it...
i've experienced it with my close friends, with people i dont' even know...with family...its been a ROUGH TiME...
but you realize i have about a year and a half before i hopefully gradute...to where i truly start my life and being to start my future...
i realized the STUPiD things i thought were seriously in high school and freshmen year of college are ridiculous...and pointless...i realized the attitude i carried along was teh attitude of a stubborn, pride-ful, selfish person...
i was SOOO proud to be a pre-medicine and religious studies major...i would be like "yah...ain't taht something..." yet i would live life behind the scenes as a hypocrite, saying one thing, and doing the other...
how could I...want to be a pastor, and live a life unchristian like? how could i want to be a doctor and not work hard for it? how could i want to be a missionary for christ, but not want to leave my own home?
well i've been taking baby steps these past two years...and i do have to say i've "walked a mile"...hahaha... :)
i'm ALOT more happy then i was before...i've done things i never thought i'd do...some bad...some good...learning from everything...
i realized that its time to make up with my stupid drama from the past...realizing its time to put down my pride and swallow it...
so many times i contniue to say i want to be Christian Leader...yet i continue to not let Christ be the leader of my life...
its a NEW YEAR...and i truly want to contine to head towards my goals...YES! i want to be a PASTOR and a DOCTOR...CRAZY? i know...but when i achieve both...i will go to the world and to fellow believers and non-believers to hope to spread the word of God...
i have responsibilities now...that affect my life...and not just my day or week...life changing, forever impacting life decisions...
I WANT to be a better Christian...I KNOW i'm SAVED BECAUSE I BELIEVE JESUS CHRIST IS THE SON OF GOD and that HE SAVED ME FROM MY SINS and DIED ON THE CROSS FOR ME SO THAT I CAN BE SAVED AND BE WITH HIM IN HEAVEN...
but before i can go and spread his work as a missionary...i need to become a STRONGER, WISER, and BETTER CHRiSTiAN...
its time to live the life worthy of Christ...
I want to let him lead me...completely...and put my faith in him...its HARD...but i'm trying...
I give much thanks to my friends who continue to support me in all I do...John (no matter how far, or how long apart, your always like a brother), Rowena (for inspiration), Jamie and joyce (for reality and comic reliefe), Hazel (for love advice), Rachel (for the times I need to laugh it off), Kristen (giving me a sense of music to brighten up life), the boys (for those days when i need to get away from school and have fun), Maggee (for giving me hope in a family)...
MOST IMPORTANTLY...honestly...to one of my BESTFRiENDS (since i've truly only had two in my life)...Louvelle...i can't start to say how much you've helped me...i was scared that i was going to scare you off and stuff...but you've helped me get through so much, and shown me how i've grown...even if we went through a few days without talking, you were there to listen to me blabber and cry out my life of depression to you...you encouraged me to do what was right, and made me laugh for doing stuff that was stupid...i'm SOOOO thankful for a friend like you...because your those that i can say will last a lifetime...please DON'T LET ME screw us up...i know when you get your many BFs it'll be rough, and you'll have your friends and i'll have mine...but i dont' want to make the same mistake that i made with my two other friends and lose our friendship over my stupid pride...your to great a friend to risk that...and TRUST ME...i've learned and i hope to never make that mistake with you...! your serioulsy teh best...
to my family for continual support...to my parents and kuya for the talks, encouragement and laughs...to my church family for your love...
and TO GOD...for not giving up on me...and helping me get through these tough times...but i will not give in...because no matter what Satan throws my way...I KNOW i can handle it...i've done it before, and i can do it again...
i never knew what i was capabale of,,,until i did things i never thought i could do...
now, i'm invinsible...
i guess in the past two years, i've gone through some of the toughest times i've ever experienced...from the break up, to the hospital, to the depression, to the dropping of grades, to gaining weight, to money problems, to car problems, to drinking, to smoking, to drugs, to lies, to stealing, to losing friends, to losing family, to losing control of sanity...to SO MUCH MORE...
i've experienced...SOOOOOOOOO MUCH in two years time...i can't believe i've survived...so many times i wanted to give up, and so many times i wanted to run away...very close at times, but something kept holding me to stay here...from fights to drama to etc...i've experienced it...
i've experienced it with my close friends, with people i dont' even know...with family...its been a ROUGH TiME...
but you realize i have about a year and a half before i hopefully gradute...to where i truly start my life and being to start my future...
i realized the STUPiD things i thought were seriously in high school and freshmen year of college are ridiculous...and pointless...i realized the attitude i carried along was teh attitude of a stubborn, pride-ful, selfish person...
i was SOOO proud to be a pre-medicine and religious studies major...i would be like "yah...ain't taht something..." yet i would live life behind the scenes as a hypocrite, saying one thing, and doing the other...
how could I...want to be a pastor, and live a life unchristian like? how could i want to be a doctor and not work hard for it? how could i want to be a missionary for christ, but not want to leave my own home?
well i've been taking baby steps these past two years...and i do have to say i've "walked a mile"...hahaha... :)
i'm ALOT more happy then i was before...i've done things i never thought i'd do...some bad...some good...learning from everything...
i realized that its time to make up with my stupid drama from the past...realizing its time to put down my pride and swallow it...
so many times i contniue to say i want to be Christian Leader...yet i continue to not let Christ be the leader of my life...
its a NEW YEAR...and i truly want to contine to head towards my goals...YES! i want to be a PASTOR and a DOCTOR...CRAZY? i know...but when i achieve both...i will go to the world and to fellow believers and non-believers to hope to spread the word of God...
i have responsibilities now...that affect my life...and not just my day or week...life changing, forever impacting life decisions...
I WANT to be a better Christian...I KNOW i'm SAVED BECAUSE I BELIEVE JESUS CHRIST IS THE SON OF GOD and that HE SAVED ME FROM MY SINS and DIED ON THE CROSS FOR ME SO THAT I CAN BE SAVED AND BE WITH HIM IN HEAVEN...
but before i can go and spread his work as a missionary...i need to become a STRONGER, WISER, and BETTER CHRiSTiAN...
its time to live the life worthy of Christ...
I want to let him lead me...completely...and put my faith in him...its HARD...but i'm trying...
I give much thanks to my friends who continue to support me in all I do...John (no matter how far, or how long apart, your always like a brother), Rowena (for inspiration), Jamie and joyce (for reality and comic reliefe), Hazel (for love advice), Rachel (for the times I need to laugh it off), Kristen (giving me a sense of music to brighten up life), the boys (for those days when i need to get away from school and have fun), Maggee (for giving me hope in a family)...
MOST IMPORTANTLY...honestly...to one of my BESTFRiENDS (since i've truly only had two in my life)...Louvelle...i can't start to say how much you've helped me...i was scared that i was going to scare you off and stuff...but you've helped me get through so much, and shown me how i've grown...even if we went through a few days without talking, you were there to listen to me blabber and cry out my life of depression to you...you encouraged me to do what was right, and made me laugh for doing stuff that was stupid...i'm SOOOO thankful for a friend like you...because your those that i can say will last a lifetime...please DON'T LET ME screw us up...i know when you get your many BFs it'll be rough, and you'll have your friends and i'll have mine...but i dont' want to make the same mistake that i made with my two other friends and lose our friendship over my stupid pride...your to great a friend to risk that...and TRUST ME...i've learned and i hope to never make that mistake with you...! your serioulsy teh best...
to my family for continual support...to my parents and kuya for the talks, encouragement and laughs...to my church family for your love...
and TO GOD...for not giving up on me...and helping me get through these tough times...but i will not give in...because no matter what Satan throws my way...I KNOW i can handle it...i've done it before, and i can do it again...
i never knew what i was capabale of,,,until i did things i never thought i could do...
now, i'm invinsible...