...what has happened to me...
man...i think i've lost it...geez...
well lately i've been out of it...like seriously...with school...i'm just nto trying as hard as i should be...like i have two more essays to write and imma do it tomorrow night...the night before its due...plus i have a presentation next week that i haven't even started researching on...i should study ochem and biology but i have no fuggin' incentive to try...i won't get my straight As that i wanted...which can and does affect me when apply to medical school which is a big thing for me...geez...do you realize i am taking my MCATs next year...wtf???...
spiritual i'm *pffft* caput...horrible...bad...gosh man i dunno what happened to me...like before i was seriously into God 24*7...its not like i don't love him...i just don't respect him and show him i love him...because my actions are just sooo...not christian like...i cuss ALOT now...like this weekend i didn't realize how much i started cussing...geez i need to stop... *sigh* and with church...i don't even try to make it on time anymore...whats that about??? geez i wonder...ahhh...
remember how i use to be so health conscience and weight watching...now i just don't try anymore...and i've gained sooo much weight...like SERIOUSLY...prolly 10 lbs *considering i lost 13 before and gained it back...now add to that...* THE F**K...man...i've lost incentive to keep in shape and keep my body beatiful and healthy and cut and all that stuff...i eat what i wanna eat and just don't care...which is totally totally bad...
my love life is in the shitters...i can't seem to find someone who is compatible with me...prolly God doesn't want me to find someone right now...cuz rather then bring them closer too God...imma just bring them away...:sigh: i just really need that someone to talk to who'll listen to me...and i'll be there to listen to them...
man life is bumpy right now...like seriously...i have financial problems i keep spending money and not saving up what i have...not giving tithe...shit...:sigh:...school issues...imma prolly get no A's in my classes cuz i'm not trying :sigh:...spiritually...God is prolly crying cuz of the way i've been acting...love life...its getting desperate...:sigh:
i have soooooo much on my mind that i need to get out...i need to YELL on the top of my lungs...i need to run to the highest mountain and LET LOOSE all my frustrations and troubles...
BASICALLY I NEED GOD...but something inside me is holding me back from that...and you know wat it is...its me...
now how sad is that?!?!?!?!?!??!!?!?
Uncle Gary why did you have to leave us...cuz you were my anchor my inspiration my mentor my guide my support...now i've failed...which is seriously...sad...its not your fault...its mine...completely utterly fully my fault...:sigh:
i'm sorry God...i've failed you...
well lately i've been out of it...like seriously...with school...i'm just nto trying as hard as i should be...like i have two more essays to write and imma do it tomorrow night...the night before its due...plus i have a presentation next week that i haven't even started researching on...i should study ochem and biology but i have no fuggin' incentive to try...i won't get my straight As that i wanted...which can and does affect me when apply to medical school which is a big thing for me...geez...do you realize i am taking my MCATs next year...wtf???...
spiritual i'm *pffft* caput...horrible...bad...gosh man i dunno what happened to me...like before i was seriously into God 24*7...its not like i don't love him...i just don't respect him and show him i love him...because my actions are just sooo...not christian like...i cuss ALOT now...like this weekend i didn't realize how much i started cussing...geez i need to stop... *sigh* and with church...i don't even try to make it on time anymore...whats that about??? geez i wonder...ahhh...
remember how i use to be so health conscience and weight watching...now i just don't try anymore...and i've gained sooo much weight...like SERIOUSLY...prolly 10 lbs *considering i lost 13 before and gained it back...now add to that...* THE F**K...man...i've lost incentive to keep in shape and keep my body beatiful and healthy and cut and all that stuff...i eat what i wanna eat and just don't care...which is totally totally bad...
my love life is in the shitters...i can't seem to find someone who is compatible with me...prolly God doesn't want me to find someone right now...cuz rather then bring them closer too God...imma just bring them away...:sigh: i just really need that someone to talk to who'll listen to me...and i'll be there to listen to them...
man life is bumpy right now...like seriously...i have financial problems i keep spending money and not saving up what i have...not giving tithe...shit...:sigh:...school issues...imma prolly get no A's in my classes cuz i'm not trying :sigh:...spiritually...God is prolly crying cuz of the way i've been acting...love life...its getting desperate...:sigh:
i have soooooo much on my mind that i need to get out...i need to YELL on the top of my lungs...i need to run to the highest mountain and LET LOOSE all my frustrations and troubles...
BASICALLY I NEED GOD...but something inside me is holding me back from that...and you know wat it is...its me...
now how sad is that?!?!?!?!?!??!!?!?
Uncle Gary why did you have to leave us...cuz you were my anchor my inspiration my mentor my guide my support...now i've failed...which is seriously...sad...its not your fault...its mine...completely utterly fully my fault...:sigh:
i'm sorry God...i've failed you...