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Attakai…
Warm…
So very warm.
She welcomed this foreign feeling that was slowly creeping up her arms, through her chest, towards her heart, this unfamiliar heat that was soothing her soul like a balm on an open wound.
It was so very warm…
She looked down to the source, unsurprised at the sight of seeing her hand submerged in a crimson pool. Rather, she wondered if she stared hard or long enough would it flow deep enough for her to glance at her reflection. She had forgotten to put on her usual make-up this morning due to the incident that occurred earlier. She hoped that she wouldn’t be scolded too badly for that.
A geiko must always be a flower that has freshly bloomed in the springtime. Elegant, fresh and forever radiant.
She certainly wasn’t fresh or elegant, sitting on the floor her kimono in disarray as it was, but she agreed with herself that she certainly was radiant.
“And it’s all thanks to you, Hiroshi-sama. You have given me so much already and now to offer me this final gift…” She bowed slightly before continuing. “It is more than I could ever imagine. I am forever indebted to you.”
She smiled at him knowing that it was unrequited. But she didn’t mind. Surely, one could not think wrong of the person that made her feel as alive as she was feeling now, her heart beating strong, painless and consistent.
She smiled, swishing her hand in the liquid warmth so caught up in her pleasure that her ears barely registered the scream that tore through the air like a piece of cloth being forcefully ripped.
Ragged, long and full of despair.
“Hi-Hiroshi-sama?”
Despondent to being forced to already leave her tranquil nirvana so soon, she allowed her mind to register the sights and sounds of the room as reality slowly drew back the curtain to the world that she had momentarily left. Turning her head, she saw a familiar figure crawl on all fours towards her although their eyes were completely focused on the sight beside her.
“Hiroshi-sama!” Came the scream, followed by eyes that she knew very well, like recognising an old friend that’s come to greet her.
“Why?”
The question was repeated again on a scream.
“Why Mieiko? Why?”
Mieiko blinked unfazed and turned to meet the eyes of her inquisitor. Oh, how she knew those eyes so well. Full of heartache for a situation you’ve yet to comprehend. Full of anguish, despair, confusion but most of all, deep within it all, a tiny seed of utmost cold certainty. A certainty that was as soon as it was realised, it’d be final like hammering down the final nail to a coffin.
And there was no way of stopping or reversing that ultimate blow.
Mieiko smiled as she remembered those emotions, now a thing of the past for her. Confusion now became apparent through the facial features of the person opposite her, reality still having not quite reached their mind. Seeing as they were good friends, Mieiko thought the least that she could do was to help the person to understand. True to her name stated, Tomoki was indeed a ‘precious friend’ and Mieiko knew that good friends always helped each other when the time arose.
“Because Tomoki, Hiroshi-sama loved me. And I did what any woman true to her heart did for a man that she loves…”
She paused, excited in the anticipation of witnessing the results of her charitable deed.
“I accepted his greatest gift to me. See look,” Mieiko added as she raised her hand close to their faces, crimson drops splashing freely onto her kimono.
“Look how radiant I’ve become. I’ll be the most beautiful geiko in all of Kyoto and it’s all thanks to Hiroshi-sama.”
Then she waited, knowing that it wasn’t long before her friend reacted to what she had just said, and sure enough Tomoki’s eyes became focused and so very very clear, the black of her pupils growing as realisation sunk in. Mieiko marvelled at the beauty of it all, seeing her own astonished image reflected in her friends’ eyes.
Yes, the final blow had been delivered, for Tomoki paled as white as the powder that they used to decorate their faces. Her delicate hands so skilled at playing the shamisen, were now trembling with fear, her eyes as wide, vast and black as the deepest pools of the universe.
Mieiko agreed with herself that it was indeed a very beautiful sight and wondered if that was the secret to all the rumours that she had heard about her.
Tomoki crawled slowly backwards, now uncertain of the unknown creature sat before her, sheer horror and panic threatening to engulf her crippling her senses completely until all that she could do was scream.
And scream that she did; a pain wrenching scream full of loss and the cruelty of having her future snatched away from her so merciless.
Other sounds accompanied Tomoki’s screams, Mieiko noticed. Sounds of shocked or horrified gasps, the heavy thuds of the royal guards’ feet, sounds of curses whispered into the air and then even more sounds of anguish, despair, loss. Everyone around her seemed so troubled, yet Mieiko did not mind for they could not understand the gift her beloved Hiroshi-sama had given her.
It was meant for her soul only after all.
The sounds dimmed down all at once as soft thuds of a single person’s footsteps entered the room before stopping. Mieiko didn’t need to look up to see the face belonging to the powerful, commanding yet secure presence that she felt. Only two people within the palace could carry such power and one lay beside her on the ground. The only other person that remained was the King himself.
Having established that mentally, Mieiko did look up, but only to see if the King would or could call upon his mask that was almost like second nature to him. It was the face he used to the public in any political or non political situation. Not even the greatest of mind readers could fathom the feelings from the King when he had his mask on, but Mieiko observed very closely. His features were composed, unfazed but there had finally been a crack in his facial armour. His eyes went through the same transformation as Tomoki’s did just a moment ago, only a lot faster so realisation hit sooner.
His son was dead, murdered. The country had lost their only heir to the throne, the fact of it casting an immediate grim deep shadow over everyone that lived on this island that they so adored. It was an issue to worry over later as for now he must deal with the most present problem.
As if sensing that Mieiko had read his mind, he looked at her unfazed uttering only two words to those around him.
“Arrest her.”
Her arms were ruthlessly dragged up behind her by two guards, sending sharp pain to her shoulders, but she endured it. The ribbon, loose in her hair before now fell to the floor spilling her long raven hair free, her face now slightly obscured. Her face was level with everyone else in the room, her eyes taking in the kaleidoscope of expressions cast upon her. A man stepped in front of her, eyes burning like wildfire full of hatred. Ah yes, she too had the same eyes once, felt that same burning feeling in her heart. But of course, that was a thing of the past.
She accepted the sharp blow to her cheek that followed. It was only to be expected, after all Gennosuke was the right hand man and most trusted friend of the prince, and she instead had been the one to receive Hiroshi-sama’s greatest gift of all.
“Death is too kind a fate for you. I hope your soul remains in jigokudō for all eternity.”
“I believe I was already there Gennosuke, despite being born as a human.” She raised her head slightly, now peering at him through her hair and added, “Hiroshi-sama was so noble to offer me the kind of peace that most humans strive for in this life, I’ve no desire to be reborn into tendō. That is not a heaven for me.”
He spat at her, words failing to express his absolute loathing for Mieiko at the current moment. Upon hearing his name from the King, he turned away in disgust storming out of the room.
“Leave me,” ordered the King. At once everyone began to follow his commands, the maids struggling to escort an inconsolable Tomoki out of the room and she wailed pitifully, repeatedly crying out the name of her fiancé.
“Hiroshi-sama! Hiroshi-samaaaa! Don’t leave me, I beg of you, Hiroshi-sama!”
The King closed his eyes momentarily, his own anguish now threatening to overtake him, but he held his ground, his mask intact.
Mieiko was now dragged across the room, her kimono leaving a bloody trail across the tatami floor. Just before they passed through the door, she heard the King order the guards to stop. He spoke with his back to them all, although his words were for Mieiko’s ears only.
“You’ve taken the only thing precious to me in this world. I knew from the moment my son laid his eyes on you, he was trapped as an alcoholic old man is when his hands grasps a bottle of sake. He was drunk in lust for you and you knew that… You knew that and yet you have betrayed and forsaken the people of this land as there is no future emperor to rule…”
As if saying it aloud made it all the more profound, the king paused for a moment to allow his true emotions to leave his voice before continuing.
“You’ve doomed us all Mieiko. True to your name, you, a child of eternal beauty is as deadly one eating a piece of fugu. Simple pleasures that bring upon instant death…”
Mieiko could tell that he was barely holding himself together and was mildly affronted that she couldn’t witness his despair.
“Leave me. Throw her in the darkest, deepest prison. We will deal with her tomorrow, for now we must inform everyone of this very sad day and make preparations.”
The guards uttered their replies and dragged Mieiko harder than before. She cringed from the onslaught, the discomfort now getting to her but not minding it as she was offered one last final consolation. Just before she was dragged down the hall, from the corner of her eye she saw the king fall to his knees in front of the corpse of his only son, his shoulders shaking.
She did manage to glimpse his despair after all.
Even if just for a heartbeat, it was enough.
She was dragged deep, deep into the foundations of the palace where misery lived and care was forsaken. Her bare feet were now bruised from the harsh battering they received whilst being dragged down the ragged stone steps of the palace prison quarters. The guards were intent on inflicting as much pain as they could whilst she was in their possession and she accepted this, just like she accepted being thrown mercilessly into a tiny hole, no higher than a couple of feet and no wider than four. She fell on her side, her ribs impacting on the uneven stone floor sending a sharp shot of pain to her chest, her breath knocked out of her. A few more guards spat at her and cursed her with the cruellest fates that they could imagine before slamming the small metal panel shut, trapping her in absolute darkness.
Now curled up in a foetal ball, Mieiko began shivering, her earlier injuries screaming to life. The sound of water dripping from within somewhere of her prison was the only sign of anything else other than herself for the present time. She let her mind focus on the drip, drip of the leak remembering of a time long ago when this sound was as normal as hearing the cock crow every morning signalling the start of the day.
It was the sound of home… well home as she knew it.
Sayaka Ishikawa was born of the Ishikawas in the tiny village of Niyodo, inland of the smallest island of Japan, Shikoku. As life in a village must have been no matter where you were, Sayaka’s childhood days were spent mainly outdoors with the other village children that lived not too far away. Of all the village kids, her most favourite was Keijirou Takahashi. He was an only child alike Sayaka when she was four years old and so from their similarity they formed a mutual respect for each other that didn’t quite reach out to the other children.
Nonetheless, they involved everyone in their games that often changed as frequently as the seasons did. There was so schooling to speak of, save during the spring and summers where regretfully the children would be forced to spend hours inside the old shrine hall being taught hiragana, katakana and simple math, many often gazing out of the window daydreaming of an alternate world where they could play outside all day long.
Fortunately school time was only for a few hours per weekday, so they resumed their fun in the evening until the sun set and the children departed towards their homes for fear of being beaten for returning so late.
Sayaka’s home was pleasant in comparison to the homes in her village. It was not by far the most grandest but comfortable enough that there was space enough for her own bedroom as well as her parents room and a bathroom. The guest room shared the same main space of the house as the kitchen, where her mother often resided. Often Sayaka would come home to various smells of food depending on what her mother had decided to make for the day and try to pinch a vegetable or piece of meat before being admonished by her mother for her thieving and being sent to the bathroom to wash.
By the time she was washed and dressed, her father would come home, smelling as he always smelt, his signature scent of pine.
For Sayaka’s father was a carpenter and a very talented and successful one at that, hence they lived in moderate comfort. On weekends he would sit in their garden, chewing on tobacco, a chisel in one hand and a small piece of wood. With his brow raised in deep concentration, he would stare at the wood for anything from ten to forty-five minutes doing nothing. To a random stranger passing by, seeing such a sight would seem odd, but to Sayaka, she knew that this was where some of his greatest creations where being called forth into his mind, mentally presenting and shaping themselves until he was satisfied. Only then, would he put chisel to wood and begin working.
Whenever his pieces were completed, he’d load them onto the cart and ride into town to sell. Sometimes this meant he was gone from home for days at a time, but when he did return, he’d usually come back with a small gift for both her and her mother as well as his earnings from the sales of his pieces.
Despite Sayaka’s father’s success, her mother was by no means idle. When not looking after the house or cooking, she’d use the spare room that they had to sew cloth to be used to create kimono. Her mother was a talented designer and despite making so very few designs, her work was always sought after. Other times when the season called, she along with other housewives in the village would go into the fields to pick tea in the afternoons. It was often a pleasant occasion for the women of the village for they would sing songs or gossip whilst they worked, enjoying the limited time they had together before returning to their own households to tend to their families.
And thus was life as Sayaka knew it for many years.
But just has even the most beautiful sakura will wither and die so quickly, so did Sayaka’s rose coloured life change for the worst as well, for her mother had announced that she was going to have a baby. She wasn’t particularly please nor upset by the matter, however everyone around her seemed to be ecstatic. Everyone expect her closest friend, Keijirou.
One warm August evening, the pair of them sat on side of the lake as the had done for many years, skimming small pebbles onto the lake, each seeing how far they could make a pebble bounce across the surface before sinking. Both were slightly contemplative as Sayaka told him the news of her new sibling to be. They had always revelled in the fact that they were the only kids around to be the sole born and now that fact was changing.
“It’s not to bad Kei-kun, I mean I’ll still be your friend and play with you like before. Nothing will change I promise.”
Keijirou remained sullen and tossed another pebble onto the lake, gaining three bounces before it sank. The pair of them stared at the river, their thoughts alike. Having a little baby brother or sister in Sayaka’s life was like tossing a pebble into the lake. Despite looking the same on the surface, the lake had changed for now there was an additional pebble at the bottom that wasn’t there before. They both knew that the bond that they had formed wouldn’t last.
“Things will change Saya-chan. Even if we don’t want it to be that way, things will change.”
Sayaka could think of nothing to say that could counter his words or comfort him, for she felt the same way. They continued tossing pebbles onto the lake until twilight had fallen upon them and they made their way back to their separate homes.
A few months later, baby Kentarou Ishikawa was born into their world. Sayaka, now aged eleven peered over her little brother who was fast asleep, eyes and fists scrunched up as if he was deeply concentrating within his dreams. Despite her best efforts to remain aloof, she couldn’t help but be touched at the sight of him. This was her little brother whom she had to protect. As if she had been born with these new feelings from birth, she found that her older sister instincts had kicked in already before she’d even realised.
She had begun to already love her new sibling.
Just like a flower that blossoms in the springtime, to stare at it, you’d think nothing was happening, but sure enough within every few days or so it’d grow into a new shape, did a change envelop Sayaka and Keijirou’s lives ever so quietly. Sayaka often found herself babysitting her little brother whilst her mother was in her bedroom sewing a new pattern for kimono. She had finally moved to the spare room when she was six years old, but they had all agreed that it could still remain her mother’s workplace, so Sayaka often went to sleep with the sights of coloured silk threads, pins and needles poking out of various cushions and her mother’s beloved sewing machine.
As she grew older, her responsibilities increased as she learnt to cook various meals that she’d someday need to do for her own future husband and often cleaned the house or deal with everyone’s laundry, especially her baby brothers.,
It was on typical day such as this that she heard hurried footsteps near her house and then rapid knocking on the door. Sensing alarm, Sayaka quickly dried her hands on her apron and rushed over to the genkan where she would have to slip into her outdoor shoes if she crossed the ledge. She answered yes in which the door opened and a figure stepped in.
Time must have stood still, or was that the beating of her heart, for the person that was standing in front of her was her old beloved friend Keijirou, who she had known seen for over half a year. Both were thinking the same thing, their eyes greedily scanning each others bodies, updating their brains, their memories with the new information that was presented to them. For within those six months, they had begun to look less like children and more like adults. Over the last year they had passed each other in the village but never really stopped to sit or chat as they were able to, and so neither had actually realised that they had already started to grow.
Heartbeats later, Keijirou found his voice first, the urgency of the present situation now once again foremost in his mind.
“Is your mother here?”
Sayaka nodded and called her mother, who came from her workroom holding a happily gurgling Kentarou in her hands, with a slight look of concern on her face towards Sayaka.
“I keep on telling your father to fix the latch for Ken-chan’s playpen; he escaped again in our bedroom. You know what they’re like at this age, they’ll grab the nearest thing they can find…” She stopped as she saw that a guest had arrived.
“Kei-kun, long time since I’ve seen you.” After seeing the expression on his face, she immediately knew that he had not come around for a social visit. “What’s happened?”
Keijirou took a moment to keep his voice steady and then said, “It’s your husband. He’s at the hospital just outside of the village. There was an accident at one of the stalls of the market where he was selling one of his carvings. As one of the bigger ornaments began to fall, he pushed a little girl out of the way but was hit instead... his hand…”
At this point both women in the family had realised the extremity of this injury. If his working hand was injured to the point that he could not carve anymore, that’d be the end of his beloved career has they knew it.
Sayaka’s mother acted quickly. She passed Kentarou to Sayaka and rushed into her bedroom to get ready to depart. This left Sayaka and Keijirou alone with a inquisitive Kentarou who had discovered the delights of Sayaka’s ponytail and now playfully tugged on it. But she didn’t seem to mind, or rather she didn’t notice, for her mind had gone blank as she struggled to find the words to say something that wasn’t worthless.
“So how are your parents?” She finally asked, hoping to change the topic to something less depressing but that was not to be the case.
“Well… I’m not sure if you heard but my father’s very ill. So much so that I’m already covering most of his shifts at the factory… I may work there full time. Mother is also very worried, she tries to hide it from me, but I can see that her health is also declining whilst she looks after my father… I don’t think he’ll have very long to go…”
Immediately contrite at having to make him recall a painful memory she apologised in which he hastily waved off and smiled bravely at her a little. She was sure her heart skipped a beat, but couldn’t ponder on it as her baby brother had began to pull painfully so she had to extract his hands from her hair.
By this point her mother was ready.
“Look after your brother and the house; I’ll be home soon with your father.” She smiled at them both before stepping into the genkan, slipping into her outdoor shoes and headed outside. Keijirou who had been standing in the genkan all this time, unsure of what to say, just flashed another brief smile and left, shutting the door behind him.
The sound was a deafening as a hammer that had been struck to a nail to imbed it firmly into a door to seal it tight.
Whenever Sayaka looked back at this moment, she realised that indeed this door was the gateway to her happiness that had just been shut from her.
As it turned out her premonition of apprehension came true. Her father had broken his right wrist and despite having an operation to repair the damage to the point where his bones would mend allowing him to use them again, his heart could not, for he fell into an emotional slump whilst recovering, knowing that his livelihood and his passion had ended. The family of the girl he had rescued often visited Sayaka’s house, offering already cooked meals and various fruit and vegetables as an apology for the hardship that her family had to face. She appreciated their kind gestures, but surely soon even that had stopped. Couple of months had passed and their father was home but it was never the same. He’d either sit outside at the back of the house staring into space holding his bandaged hand, ignoring the rest of the family or go out to the village and not return until the middle of the night. Sayaka’s mother had to now work almost full time to support them, whilst Sayaka, took the role of housewife. Her mother had tried to remain positive, sure that her husband would try to figure out a way to carve or draw designs of his creations once his hand had healed, but sadly that was not to be. Money became ever tighter, things in the house began to fall into disappear as their father no longer cared enough to mend them and her mother lost her usual vibrancy as she continued to work almost daily just to make ends meet.
Sayaka knew things were bad and it seemed that this bad luck had spread throughout the town for she had gained news of Keijirou’s father having passed away and that his mother had also fallen sick, most likely due to having lost her partner.
She regretted not being able to attend the funeral as she had to look after her brother who was nearing two years old, causing chaos in the house, but continued to do her best as she could for the present time.
Over the months that followed, Sayaka began to notice the subtle changes that had infected their lives. Her father no longer smelled of pine but rather sake as he drunkenly returned home and passed out in the chair. Her mother often berated him to fix things in the house, especially the latch for the playpen that had father and designed and built for Kentarou to sit and play in. At best of times the latch would withhold the blows from the toddler’s hands and he fiddled or pounded at the surroundings of his prison. At worst of times, the latch would be too loose to hold, by then Kentarou realised his chance of escape, would push open the gate and run about the house, grabbing whatever he could find. It was one such occasion whilst Sayaka was washing up that she heard a crash and quickly run to her parents’ bedroom. He had pulled down a necklace that partially hung over the edge of his mother’s vanity desk, bringing down her jewellery case that hit him squarely on the head. He let out a wail as to protest of having to be subjected to such cruelty that didn’t abate no matter how much Sayaka tried to calm him down. Sure enough he had a small lump on his forehead, which their mother having heard him cry at the front door, rushed over and snatched him from Sayaka.
“What have you done?!”
“I did nothing, mother! The latch… it must have failed again…”
“How many times have I told you to keep a closer eye on him, huh?”
Kentarou continued to cry over his mothers shouting, so Sayaka was spared a lecture as she sullenly went back to the kitchen to continue.
That night her mother didn’t sleep at her usual time, but stayed in the main room ready to confront her father instead. Sayaka was in her bed but couldn’t sleep, for the tension that had grown had become unbearable. She heard the front door shut, immediately followed by her mothers raised voice. Her father’s voice, slurred at best seemed to take no notice for a while until after a few seconds of silence she heard a thud and then his raised voice. Sayaka shrunk in fear under her covers. She was sure of what had happened but didn’t want to believe it, so she shut her eyes tightly and thought of Keijirou, not as her childhood friend but the adult stranger that he had now become.
Time continued to progress as things in her home did not. As late summer had come around once more, Sayaka turned thirteen. She didn’t expect any presents or even any well wishes but she was determined to treat herself. After reluctantly asking her mother to allow her to go to the village summer festival, her mother who had nothing to give Sayaka allowed that.
And so, now looking in the mirror twirling at her sun flowered patterned yukata, her hair tied in a long ponytail, closed with a matching sunflower clip, she smiled excited and rushed through the house, stepping into her geta at the genkan and left all her miseries at the door as she walked happily to the festival.
Sayaka heard rather than saw the taiko drums, for their strong beat resounded a few hundred yards away from the main entrance of the festival. As she approached the gates of the shrine, pale yellow light spilled upon her growing brighter with every step, until she was in the midst of various tones of light from stalls set up throughout the shrine grounds. After paying her respects to the shrine by tossing in a coin, ringing the bell to alert the Shintō gods to her prayer and then clapping her hands, she turned around giddy with excitement and made her way to the stalls that ran some of her favourite festival games.
An hour or so later, walking happily with her chocolate covered banana lolly, she walked to the centre of the festival where in the centre a stand was erected about ten feet into the air with the MC chanting out the different moves to the Bon dance. Many people dressed in yukatas, male and female, young and old alike were dancing around the stall in precise steps according to the song that was played for them.
Hurriedly finishing her chocolate banana, Sayaka went to toss the stick in the bin when she encountered a familiar face and gave a small cry of surprise.
“Kei-kun! I didn’t know you were coming, what are you doing here? Are you with your mother?”
Keijirou who had recovered first smiled warmly, feeling slightly sheepish.
“Well… I remembered that we used to come to the festivals on your birthdays in the past… I wasn’t sure if you’d be at home or if visitors were allowed so I just came here to get away for a while and relax.”
Sayaka’s eyes narrowed in mild suspicion. “You were stalking me, weren’t you?” She accused.
“No no! I wasn’t, I swear-”
Keijirou’s quick denials were cut off by Sayaka’s laugh. “I’m just joking. Anyways, if I had to have a stalker, I rather it be you.”
He knew she was still joking, but somehow their childhood jokes didn’t seem as innocent as they used to be when they were younger. He looked at her, more womanly, a lot taller, her hair braided in the ponytail now reaching to the mid of her back. As if she had sensed his silent visual run down of her, she lowered her head and turned towards the dance. A new song had begun that roused everyone’s spirits including Sayaka’s. Before she could say anything, Keijirou offered her his hand.
There was no need for words, her smile answered his question and together they walked into he crowd, joining in with the dance.
With deliberate movements of their palms and feet, they danced and sang most of the night away in rhythmic joy. Neither one could remember when they had so much fun in each other’s company for a long time, however it felt like years had never passed between their absence. Hours passed and the crowd began to thin out from the shrine grounds, children now irate with staying up past their bedtimes and elderly couples retiring early for the night. Sayaka and Keijirou decided to head off to their favourite lake spot and so after buying a couple of grilled sausages on a stick the size of a chopstick, they wandered out of the shine gates, content with their culinary delights. Sayaka’s smiled dropped slightly as she walked past the gate, sensing a chill in the air. A few feet away, she looked back, meeting the eyes of another local boy of their village, one she didn’t particularly like though. He grinned at her, a little too lecherous for her liking and she turned her head away, focusing straight ahead resuming on eating her sausage.
A minute later Keijirou added, “Don’t pay any attention to him. There’s no need to worry okay?”
He wasn’t looking at her whilst she said it, but she nodded her response. Soon they had reached their spot and took their seats on the grassy bank, picking out a few good pebbles to toss.
Sayaka still proved to be the better of the two, acquiring four skips across the surface before the pebble sank into the black depths of the lake. The moon has half full so there was some light shed upon them. Not that she minded either way; she was the natural surroundings of her childhood home with her old childhood friend. Life seemed to be just right at the moment. Neither one of them had spoken although their desire to say something hung heavy in the air between them. A quick simultaneous decision resulted in them both speaking at the same time.
“Kei-kun.”
“Saya-chan.”
They laughed, Sayaka allowing him to go first.
“I know last time we sat like this, I said things will change... which they have. But I’ve just realised that change isn’t necessarily a bad thing. I like spending time with you Saya-chan and I’d like to see you as much as possible.”
Sayaka nodded silently for he had spoken what she had already felt. “I wish time could stand still at this moment and we could remain here like this forever.”
“We can.”
She looked up at him, puzzled.
“I mean, someday I’ll leave this village.” He hastened to finish at her shocked expression. “I’ve been thinking about it see. Once mother passes away there’s nothing left for me here… or so I thought.”
“Kei-kun-“
“I plan to leave here someday soon Saya-chan. And… I hope that you come with me too.”
She was speechless. Leave the village? Leave her home, her family, her brother? Even if she wanted to spend more days with her childhood friend, she had too many responsibilities to abandon just for her own desires. Her eyes conveyed her sadness at the impossibility of it all before she found her voice to protest.
“Kei-kun, I-”
He kissed her.
Just a touch of their lips, but it was enough. He pulled back, gauging her reaction, his breath held as she put her fingers to her lips as if to convince herself that his lips had just been there a moment ago. From the moment of her head, now bowed downwards he could tell that she was blushing.
“Saya-chan?”
He wanted to know if he had gone too far. He wanted to know if she was okay. He wanted to know most of all, if she felt the same and to answer him, she moved in closer to him, pressing her head onto his chest. Expelling his breath, he wrapped his arms around her and held her silently.
No words were needed for unspoken promises.
Childhood habits dying hard, they relished in the fact that they once again had a fact to bond with, unique to only them. Despite their relationship being permissible, they had decided to keep it a secret. Just a piece of knowledge that belonged to only them to savour over on their lonely nights, to smile over on their reminiscing days. They had dreamt and talked about where they could go, what they’d do, where they’d live and their ideas where endless. They had also worked out a time where they could meet each other. Since Sayaka was home alone all day babysitting and looking after the house, they agreed that for thirty minutes each weekday that Keijirou could meet her at the back of her home where her father used to work, right next to her parents bedroom so she could peer over the window to keep an eye on her brother. They could invent a more plausible excuse for his visits in her backyard rather than his presence inside their house.
And so it began.
With a soft tap on the window of her main room, she quickly dried her hands and removed her apron. Having played with Kentarou most of the afternoon, allowing him to run free before feeding him, she had set him down in his playpen and sure enough he was napping. She covered him and made sure that he was comfortable before heading to the genkan to slip into her shoes and sneak outside.
She hugged him fiercely, revelling in his warmth, feeling at peace. For some meetings, they talked about their day, other times about their futures together expanding on their fantasies. Other evenings they simply hugged or kissed, but true to their words they stayed together for thirty minutes for Keijirou didn’t want to leave his mother alone too long once he had finished working for the day and Sayaka was slightly apprehensive about her younger brother. Each time they departed it was bittersweet for thirty minutes felt like a heartbeat, however it made their reunion a much awaited one, all the more thankful for whenever they could gain a stolen moment together.
As summer ended and autumn began to fade in, their meetings would sometimes only happen every few days, sometimes depending if Kentarou would sleep of just cry at being left alone in the quietness, or whether Keijirou had to work late or head straight home to his mother. Sometimes it rained too heavily for anyone to even imagine stepping outside, but that they didn’t mind, for their reunion would be all the more better.
The weeks passed and the whether slowly grew colder, the air fresh and crisp. Sayaka would normally be held close within Keijirou’s arms, not just for their pleasure but also to remain a little warm. It was on a night such as this, that when she looked through the window she gasped and shook her head, Keijirou sensing her alarm immediately.
“No… no”
He walked up to her looking at an empty playpen.
“The latch… it failed again, I was so sure that he was falling asleep. This is bad.”
And as if to emphasise her point, they heard a crash. Panic filled her chest as she bounded from the back to her door, hastily stepping out of her shoes and ran to her parents’ bedroom. But there was nothing to see here.
It took a second for her mind to register what could have possibly happened; the worst case scenario for the sound of the crash was mighty. She slowly walked into her bedroom, fearful of seeing what her mind had already seen, delaying her steps as to prevent the inevitable.
She looked, frozen to the spot. Ahead of her was a scattered bed of needles, pins and spools of thread, spread around the body of her brother covered with the silk of the kimono that she must have pulled down from the table. And surely as her worst fears had suspected, the sewing machine in which the cloth was bound to on the sewing plate had joined the spilt needles and pins on the floor, sickeningly close to where Kentarou’s head was laying.
Keijirou had caught up with her by this point and stood behind her, also witnessing the horror. Sayaka feeling his presence was snapped back to reality and she took tentative steps towards the body of her little brother.
“Ken-kun.”
He didn’t respond, he didn’t even cry, for there was never a time when hearing his cries would be so welcomed.
She knelt down and shook his body slightly, before emitting a small scream of horror. Now close she could see a small trail of blood in his hair and his body was just so still. She picked up him, deadweight in her hands, the patterned cloth still wrapped around.
“Ken-kun? Ken-kun. Please wake up, ken-kun!” By this point tears were spilling freely from her eyes, the quiet certainty of what had happened in the back of her mind but she refused to acknowledge it.
“Ken-kun. Ken-kun!” She screamed.
Keijirou had to repeat himself three times before Sayaka heard him.
“I’ll go get the doctor, so I’ll be back soon. Check his breathing and heartbeat and stop the bleeding if you can.”
She nodded dumbly for she could not see the rise or fall of his chest, nor feel his heartbeat next to hers. She held him close, rocking back and forth at the tragedy, so wrapped in her anguish that she did not realise that her mother had come home until she heard a heart piercing scream.
Her mother rushed over, snatching Kentarou from her hands although not as easily as last time and ran her hands over his cold peaceful face. Sayaka made to stand and head towards her mother.
“Mother-”
Her mother stepped back rapidly, looking at her daughter as if she was a snake, ready to strike at her any minute. Sayaka looked at her mother in confusion and tried to explain.
“Mother, I-”
“Don’t you dare come near me!” She commanded abruptly. “Keijirou’s gone to get the doctor and it’ll be okay.” Still watching her with gross apprehension, she stepped into her own bedroom, leaving Sayaka where she was. At that moment the door opened and the Keijirou stepped into the room with the doctor. When Sayaka pointed to the other room, the doctor went ahead, leaving Keijirou alone to rush up to her and hug her close whilst she sobbed uncontrollably in his arms.
“I-I killed him.”
“No you didn’t. As you said, the latch didn’t work.”
“Bu-bu I-I knew that! Why did I leave him alone? Why didn’t I check earlier? Oh Kei-kun, what have I done?”
She made soft reassurances that it was her fault and things will be alright and that he was here for her. That seemed to be enough to calm her down until a pitiful cry from her mother stopped both their hearts. Keijirou extracted himself from her and they both walked to the main room where the doctor soon passed them, his eyes downcast. With one curious glance at Sayaka, he bowed slightly and left the house. Her mother now stood in the hallway, not quite focusing on them although she was looking towards their direction. As if sensing each others thoughts, Sayaka looked up at Keijirou frightfully but nodded as she squeezed her hand and turned to leave.
The door shut, its sound seeming louder than ever.
Desperate to fill the silence Sayaka said the only thing that would come to her mind. “Mother I’m-”
She never finished her words for her mother had struck her, something that she’d never done in her life. Sayaka fell to the floor, more from the shock of receiving such a blow than the action itself. She sat up, one hands on her cheek the other shielding herself as if it’d stop her mother from advancing any further.
“Mother, I didn’t mean to-”
Sayaka screamed and scrambled back on her hands, trying to get away, but her mother had caught her long hair in her grasp twisting painfully, until tears of pain now stung Sayaka’s eyes.
“MURDERER! FILTH! EVIL WITCH!”
“Mother, it wasn’t my fault, I swear! The latch… the latch…” She cried even harder as her hair felt like it was being pulled from its roots.
“You’re just like your father! Uncaring, cruel, selfish!” Her mother spat out the last word, throwing Sayaka to the floor, her ribs painfully hitting the wooden floor.
“Why weren’t you in the house? Where were you? Huh?!”
Sayaka just continued to sob, not before she could stop herself from guilty glancing at the door for a split second. It was all her mother needed as the truth dawned on her. Her mother didn’t look at the door but at the genkan.
Her shoes.
"Natural Course of Things" by Cheza-chan
Warm…
So very warm.
She welcomed this foreign feeling that was slowly creeping up her arms, through her chest, towards her heart, this unfamiliar heat that was soothing her soul like a balm on an open wound.
It was so very warm…
She looked down to the source, unsurprised at the sight of seeing her hand submerged in a crimson pool. Rather, she wondered if she stared hard or long enough would it flow deep enough for her to glance at her reflection. She had forgotten to put on her usual make-up this morning due to the incident that occurred earlier. She hoped that she wouldn’t be scolded too badly for that.
A geiko must always be a flower that has freshly bloomed in the springtime. Elegant, fresh and forever radiant.
She certainly wasn’t fresh or elegant, sitting on the floor her kimono in disarray as it was, but she agreed with herself that she certainly was radiant.
“And it’s all thanks to you, Hiroshi-sama. You have given me so much already and now to offer me this final gift…” She bowed slightly before continuing. “It is more than I could ever imagine. I am forever indebted to you.”
She smiled at him knowing that it was unrequited. But she didn’t mind. Surely, one could not think wrong of the person that made her feel as alive as she was feeling now, her heart beating strong, painless and consistent.
She smiled, swishing her hand in the liquid warmth so caught up in her pleasure that her ears barely registered the scream that tore through the air like a piece of cloth being forcefully ripped.
Ragged, long and full of despair.
“Hi-Hiroshi-sama?”
Despondent to being forced to already leave her tranquil nirvana so soon, she allowed her mind to register the sights and sounds of the room as reality slowly drew back the curtain to the world that she had momentarily left. Turning her head, she saw a familiar figure crawl on all fours towards her although their eyes were completely focused on the sight beside her.
“Hiroshi-sama!” Came the scream, followed by eyes that she knew very well, like recognising an old friend that’s come to greet her.
“Why?”
The question was repeated again on a scream.
“Why Mieiko? Why?”
Mieiko blinked unfazed and turned to meet the eyes of her inquisitor. Oh, how she knew those eyes so well. Full of heartache for a situation you’ve yet to comprehend. Full of anguish, despair, confusion but most of all, deep within it all, a tiny seed of utmost cold certainty. A certainty that was as soon as it was realised, it’d be final like hammering down the final nail to a coffin.
And there was no way of stopping or reversing that ultimate blow.
Mieiko smiled as she remembered those emotions, now a thing of the past for her. Confusion now became apparent through the facial features of the person opposite her, reality still having not quite reached their mind. Seeing as they were good friends, Mieiko thought the least that she could do was to help the person to understand. True to her name stated, Tomoki was indeed a ‘precious friend’ and Mieiko knew that good friends always helped each other when the time arose.
“Because Tomoki, Hiroshi-sama loved me. And I did what any woman true to her heart did for a man that she loves…”
She paused, excited in the anticipation of witnessing the results of her charitable deed.
“I accepted his greatest gift to me. See look,” Mieiko added as she raised her hand close to their faces, crimson drops splashing freely onto her kimono.
“Look how radiant I’ve become. I’ll be the most beautiful geiko in all of Kyoto and it’s all thanks to Hiroshi-sama.”
Then she waited, knowing that it wasn’t long before her friend reacted to what she had just said, and sure enough Tomoki’s eyes became focused and so very very clear, the black of her pupils growing as realisation sunk in. Mieiko marvelled at the beauty of it all, seeing her own astonished image reflected in her friends’ eyes.
Yes, the final blow had been delivered, for Tomoki paled as white as the powder that they used to decorate their faces. Her delicate hands so skilled at playing the shamisen, were now trembling with fear, her eyes as wide, vast and black as the deepest pools of the universe.
Mieiko agreed with herself that it was indeed a very beautiful sight and wondered if that was the secret to all the rumours that she had heard about her.
Tomoki crawled slowly backwards, now uncertain of the unknown creature sat before her, sheer horror and panic threatening to engulf her crippling her senses completely until all that she could do was scream.
And scream that she did; a pain wrenching scream full of loss and the cruelty of having her future snatched away from her so merciless.
Other sounds accompanied Tomoki’s screams, Mieiko noticed. Sounds of shocked or horrified gasps, the heavy thuds of the royal guards’ feet, sounds of curses whispered into the air and then even more sounds of anguish, despair, loss. Everyone around her seemed so troubled, yet Mieiko did not mind for they could not understand the gift her beloved Hiroshi-sama had given her.
It was meant for her soul only after all.
The sounds dimmed down all at once as soft thuds of a single person’s footsteps entered the room before stopping. Mieiko didn’t need to look up to see the face belonging to the powerful, commanding yet secure presence that she felt. Only two people within the palace could carry such power and one lay beside her on the ground. The only other person that remained was the King himself.
Having established that mentally, Mieiko did look up, but only to see if the King would or could call upon his mask that was almost like second nature to him. It was the face he used to the public in any political or non political situation. Not even the greatest of mind readers could fathom the feelings from the King when he had his mask on, but Mieiko observed very closely. His features were composed, unfazed but there had finally been a crack in his facial armour. His eyes went through the same transformation as Tomoki’s did just a moment ago, only a lot faster so realisation hit sooner.
His son was dead, murdered. The country had lost their only heir to the throne, the fact of it casting an immediate grim deep shadow over everyone that lived on this island that they so adored. It was an issue to worry over later as for now he must deal with the most present problem.
As if sensing that Mieiko had read his mind, he looked at her unfazed uttering only two words to those around him.
“Arrest her.”
Her arms were ruthlessly dragged up behind her by two guards, sending sharp pain to her shoulders, but she endured it. The ribbon, loose in her hair before now fell to the floor spilling her long raven hair free, her face now slightly obscured. Her face was level with everyone else in the room, her eyes taking in the kaleidoscope of expressions cast upon her. A man stepped in front of her, eyes burning like wildfire full of hatred. Ah yes, she too had the same eyes once, felt that same burning feeling in her heart. But of course, that was a thing of the past.
She accepted the sharp blow to her cheek that followed. It was only to be expected, after all Gennosuke was the right hand man and most trusted friend of the prince, and she instead had been the one to receive Hiroshi-sama’s greatest gift of all.
“Death is too kind a fate for you. I hope your soul remains in jigokudō for all eternity.”
“I believe I was already there Gennosuke, despite being born as a human.” She raised her head slightly, now peering at him through her hair and added, “Hiroshi-sama was so noble to offer me the kind of peace that most humans strive for in this life, I’ve no desire to be reborn into tendō. That is not a heaven for me.”
He spat at her, words failing to express his absolute loathing for Mieiko at the current moment. Upon hearing his name from the King, he turned away in disgust storming out of the room.
“Leave me,” ordered the King. At once everyone began to follow his commands, the maids struggling to escort an inconsolable Tomoki out of the room and she wailed pitifully, repeatedly crying out the name of her fiancé.
“Hiroshi-sama! Hiroshi-samaaaa! Don’t leave me, I beg of you, Hiroshi-sama!”
The King closed his eyes momentarily, his own anguish now threatening to overtake him, but he held his ground, his mask intact.
Mieiko was now dragged across the room, her kimono leaving a bloody trail across the tatami floor. Just before they passed through the door, she heard the King order the guards to stop. He spoke with his back to them all, although his words were for Mieiko’s ears only.
“You’ve taken the only thing precious to me in this world. I knew from the moment my son laid his eyes on you, he was trapped as an alcoholic old man is when his hands grasps a bottle of sake. He was drunk in lust for you and you knew that… You knew that and yet you have betrayed and forsaken the people of this land as there is no future emperor to rule…”
As if saying it aloud made it all the more profound, the king paused for a moment to allow his true emotions to leave his voice before continuing.
“You’ve doomed us all Mieiko. True to your name, you, a child of eternal beauty is as deadly one eating a piece of fugu. Simple pleasures that bring upon instant death…”
Mieiko could tell that he was barely holding himself together and was mildly affronted that she couldn’t witness his despair.
“Leave me. Throw her in the darkest, deepest prison. We will deal with her tomorrow, for now we must inform everyone of this very sad day and make preparations.”
The guards uttered their replies and dragged Mieiko harder than before. She cringed from the onslaught, the discomfort now getting to her but not minding it as she was offered one last final consolation. Just before she was dragged down the hall, from the corner of her eye she saw the king fall to his knees in front of the corpse of his only son, his shoulders shaking.
She did manage to glimpse his despair after all.
Even if just for a heartbeat, it was enough.
She was dragged deep, deep into the foundations of the palace where misery lived and care was forsaken. Her bare feet were now bruised from the harsh battering they received whilst being dragged down the ragged stone steps of the palace prison quarters. The guards were intent on inflicting as much pain as they could whilst she was in their possession and she accepted this, just like she accepted being thrown mercilessly into a tiny hole, no higher than a couple of feet and no wider than four. She fell on her side, her ribs impacting on the uneven stone floor sending a sharp shot of pain to her chest, her breath knocked out of her. A few more guards spat at her and cursed her with the cruellest fates that they could imagine before slamming the small metal panel shut, trapping her in absolute darkness.
Now curled up in a foetal ball, Mieiko began shivering, her earlier injuries screaming to life. The sound of water dripping from within somewhere of her prison was the only sign of anything else other than herself for the present time. She let her mind focus on the drip, drip of the leak remembering of a time long ago when this sound was as normal as hearing the cock crow every morning signalling the start of the day.
It was the sound of home… well home as she knew it.
Sayaka Ishikawa was born of the Ishikawas in the tiny village of Niyodo, inland of the smallest island of Japan, Shikoku. As life in a village must have been no matter where you were, Sayaka’s childhood days were spent mainly outdoors with the other village children that lived not too far away. Of all the village kids, her most favourite was Keijirou Takahashi. He was an only child alike Sayaka when she was four years old and so from their similarity they formed a mutual respect for each other that didn’t quite reach out to the other children.
Nonetheless, they involved everyone in their games that often changed as frequently as the seasons did. There was so schooling to speak of, save during the spring and summers where regretfully the children would be forced to spend hours inside the old shrine hall being taught hiragana, katakana and simple math, many often gazing out of the window daydreaming of an alternate world where they could play outside all day long.
Fortunately school time was only for a few hours per weekday, so they resumed their fun in the evening until the sun set and the children departed towards their homes for fear of being beaten for returning so late.
Sayaka’s home was pleasant in comparison to the homes in her village. It was not by far the most grandest but comfortable enough that there was space enough for her own bedroom as well as her parents room and a bathroom. The guest room shared the same main space of the house as the kitchen, where her mother often resided. Often Sayaka would come home to various smells of food depending on what her mother had decided to make for the day and try to pinch a vegetable or piece of meat before being admonished by her mother for her thieving and being sent to the bathroom to wash.
By the time she was washed and dressed, her father would come home, smelling as he always smelt, his signature scent of pine.
For Sayaka’s father was a carpenter and a very talented and successful one at that, hence they lived in moderate comfort. On weekends he would sit in their garden, chewing on tobacco, a chisel in one hand and a small piece of wood. With his brow raised in deep concentration, he would stare at the wood for anything from ten to forty-five minutes doing nothing. To a random stranger passing by, seeing such a sight would seem odd, but to Sayaka, she knew that this was where some of his greatest creations where being called forth into his mind, mentally presenting and shaping themselves until he was satisfied. Only then, would he put chisel to wood and begin working.
Whenever his pieces were completed, he’d load them onto the cart and ride into town to sell. Sometimes this meant he was gone from home for days at a time, but when he did return, he’d usually come back with a small gift for both her and her mother as well as his earnings from the sales of his pieces.
Despite Sayaka’s father’s success, her mother was by no means idle. When not looking after the house or cooking, she’d use the spare room that they had to sew cloth to be used to create kimono. Her mother was a talented designer and despite making so very few designs, her work was always sought after. Other times when the season called, she along with other housewives in the village would go into the fields to pick tea in the afternoons. It was often a pleasant occasion for the women of the village for they would sing songs or gossip whilst they worked, enjoying the limited time they had together before returning to their own households to tend to their families.
And thus was life as Sayaka knew it for many years.
But just has even the most beautiful sakura will wither and die so quickly, so did Sayaka’s rose coloured life change for the worst as well, for her mother had announced that she was going to have a baby. She wasn’t particularly please nor upset by the matter, however everyone around her seemed to be ecstatic. Everyone expect her closest friend, Keijirou.
One warm August evening, the pair of them sat on side of the lake as the had done for many years, skimming small pebbles onto the lake, each seeing how far they could make a pebble bounce across the surface before sinking. Both were slightly contemplative as Sayaka told him the news of her new sibling to be. They had always revelled in the fact that they were the only kids around to be the sole born and now that fact was changing.
“It’s not to bad Kei-kun, I mean I’ll still be your friend and play with you like before. Nothing will change I promise.”
Keijirou remained sullen and tossed another pebble onto the lake, gaining three bounces before it sank. The pair of them stared at the river, their thoughts alike. Having a little baby brother or sister in Sayaka’s life was like tossing a pebble into the lake. Despite looking the same on the surface, the lake had changed for now there was an additional pebble at the bottom that wasn’t there before. They both knew that the bond that they had formed wouldn’t last.
“Things will change Saya-chan. Even if we don’t want it to be that way, things will change.”
Sayaka could think of nothing to say that could counter his words or comfort him, for she felt the same way. They continued tossing pebbles onto the lake until twilight had fallen upon them and they made their way back to their separate homes.
A few months later, baby Kentarou Ishikawa was born into their world. Sayaka, now aged eleven peered over her little brother who was fast asleep, eyes and fists scrunched up as if he was deeply concentrating within his dreams. Despite her best efforts to remain aloof, she couldn’t help but be touched at the sight of him. This was her little brother whom she had to protect. As if she had been born with these new feelings from birth, she found that her older sister instincts had kicked in already before she’d even realised.
She had begun to already love her new sibling.
Just like a flower that blossoms in the springtime, to stare at it, you’d think nothing was happening, but sure enough within every few days or so it’d grow into a new shape, did a change envelop Sayaka and Keijirou’s lives ever so quietly. Sayaka often found herself babysitting her little brother whilst her mother was in her bedroom sewing a new pattern for kimono. She had finally moved to the spare room when she was six years old, but they had all agreed that it could still remain her mother’s workplace, so Sayaka often went to sleep with the sights of coloured silk threads, pins and needles poking out of various cushions and her mother’s beloved sewing machine.
As she grew older, her responsibilities increased as she learnt to cook various meals that she’d someday need to do for her own future husband and often cleaned the house or deal with everyone’s laundry, especially her baby brothers.,
It was on typical day such as this that she heard hurried footsteps near her house and then rapid knocking on the door. Sensing alarm, Sayaka quickly dried her hands on her apron and rushed over to the genkan where she would have to slip into her outdoor shoes if she crossed the ledge. She answered yes in which the door opened and a figure stepped in.
Time must have stood still, or was that the beating of her heart, for the person that was standing in front of her was her old beloved friend Keijirou, who she had known seen for over half a year. Both were thinking the same thing, their eyes greedily scanning each others bodies, updating their brains, their memories with the new information that was presented to them. For within those six months, they had begun to look less like children and more like adults. Over the last year they had passed each other in the village but never really stopped to sit or chat as they were able to, and so neither had actually realised that they had already started to grow.
Heartbeats later, Keijirou found his voice first, the urgency of the present situation now once again foremost in his mind.
“Is your mother here?”
Sayaka nodded and called her mother, who came from her workroom holding a happily gurgling Kentarou in her hands, with a slight look of concern on her face towards Sayaka.
“I keep on telling your father to fix the latch for Ken-chan’s playpen; he escaped again in our bedroom. You know what they’re like at this age, they’ll grab the nearest thing they can find…” She stopped as she saw that a guest had arrived.
“Kei-kun, long time since I’ve seen you.” After seeing the expression on his face, she immediately knew that he had not come around for a social visit. “What’s happened?”
Keijirou took a moment to keep his voice steady and then said, “It’s your husband. He’s at the hospital just outside of the village. There was an accident at one of the stalls of the market where he was selling one of his carvings. As one of the bigger ornaments began to fall, he pushed a little girl out of the way but was hit instead... his hand…”
At this point both women in the family had realised the extremity of this injury. If his working hand was injured to the point that he could not carve anymore, that’d be the end of his beloved career has they knew it.
Sayaka’s mother acted quickly. She passed Kentarou to Sayaka and rushed into her bedroom to get ready to depart. This left Sayaka and Keijirou alone with a inquisitive Kentarou who had discovered the delights of Sayaka’s ponytail and now playfully tugged on it. But she didn’t seem to mind, or rather she didn’t notice, for her mind had gone blank as she struggled to find the words to say something that wasn’t worthless.
“So how are your parents?” She finally asked, hoping to change the topic to something less depressing but that was not to be the case.
“Well… I’m not sure if you heard but my father’s very ill. So much so that I’m already covering most of his shifts at the factory… I may work there full time. Mother is also very worried, she tries to hide it from me, but I can see that her health is also declining whilst she looks after my father… I don’t think he’ll have very long to go…”
Immediately contrite at having to make him recall a painful memory she apologised in which he hastily waved off and smiled bravely at her a little. She was sure her heart skipped a beat, but couldn’t ponder on it as her baby brother had began to pull painfully so she had to extract his hands from her hair.
By this point her mother was ready.
“Look after your brother and the house; I’ll be home soon with your father.” She smiled at them both before stepping into the genkan, slipping into her outdoor shoes and headed outside. Keijirou who had been standing in the genkan all this time, unsure of what to say, just flashed another brief smile and left, shutting the door behind him.
The sound was a deafening as a hammer that had been struck to a nail to imbed it firmly into a door to seal it tight.
Whenever Sayaka looked back at this moment, she realised that indeed this door was the gateway to her happiness that had just been shut from her.
As it turned out her premonition of apprehension came true. Her father had broken his right wrist and despite having an operation to repair the damage to the point where his bones would mend allowing him to use them again, his heart could not, for he fell into an emotional slump whilst recovering, knowing that his livelihood and his passion had ended. The family of the girl he had rescued often visited Sayaka’s house, offering already cooked meals and various fruit and vegetables as an apology for the hardship that her family had to face. She appreciated their kind gestures, but surely soon even that had stopped. Couple of months had passed and their father was home but it was never the same. He’d either sit outside at the back of the house staring into space holding his bandaged hand, ignoring the rest of the family or go out to the village and not return until the middle of the night. Sayaka’s mother had to now work almost full time to support them, whilst Sayaka, took the role of housewife. Her mother had tried to remain positive, sure that her husband would try to figure out a way to carve or draw designs of his creations once his hand had healed, but sadly that was not to be. Money became ever tighter, things in the house began to fall into disappear as their father no longer cared enough to mend them and her mother lost her usual vibrancy as she continued to work almost daily just to make ends meet.
Sayaka knew things were bad and it seemed that this bad luck had spread throughout the town for she had gained news of Keijirou’s father having passed away and that his mother had also fallen sick, most likely due to having lost her partner.
She regretted not being able to attend the funeral as she had to look after her brother who was nearing two years old, causing chaos in the house, but continued to do her best as she could for the present time.
Over the months that followed, Sayaka began to notice the subtle changes that had infected their lives. Her father no longer smelled of pine but rather sake as he drunkenly returned home and passed out in the chair. Her mother often berated him to fix things in the house, especially the latch for the playpen that had father and designed and built for Kentarou to sit and play in. At best of times the latch would withhold the blows from the toddler’s hands and he fiddled or pounded at the surroundings of his prison. At worst of times, the latch would be too loose to hold, by then Kentarou realised his chance of escape, would push open the gate and run about the house, grabbing whatever he could find. It was one such occasion whilst Sayaka was washing up that she heard a crash and quickly run to her parents’ bedroom. He had pulled down a necklace that partially hung over the edge of his mother’s vanity desk, bringing down her jewellery case that hit him squarely on the head. He let out a wail as to protest of having to be subjected to such cruelty that didn’t abate no matter how much Sayaka tried to calm him down. Sure enough he had a small lump on his forehead, which their mother having heard him cry at the front door, rushed over and snatched him from Sayaka.
“What have you done?!”
“I did nothing, mother! The latch… it must have failed again…”
“How many times have I told you to keep a closer eye on him, huh?”
Kentarou continued to cry over his mothers shouting, so Sayaka was spared a lecture as she sullenly went back to the kitchen to continue.
That night her mother didn’t sleep at her usual time, but stayed in the main room ready to confront her father instead. Sayaka was in her bed but couldn’t sleep, for the tension that had grown had become unbearable. She heard the front door shut, immediately followed by her mothers raised voice. Her father’s voice, slurred at best seemed to take no notice for a while until after a few seconds of silence she heard a thud and then his raised voice. Sayaka shrunk in fear under her covers. She was sure of what had happened but didn’t want to believe it, so she shut her eyes tightly and thought of Keijirou, not as her childhood friend but the adult stranger that he had now become.
Time continued to progress as things in her home did not. As late summer had come around once more, Sayaka turned thirteen. She didn’t expect any presents or even any well wishes but she was determined to treat herself. After reluctantly asking her mother to allow her to go to the village summer festival, her mother who had nothing to give Sayaka allowed that.
And so, now looking in the mirror twirling at her sun flowered patterned yukata, her hair tied in a long ponytail, closed with a matching sunflower clip, she smiled excited and rushed through the house, stepping into her geta at the genkan and left all her miseries at the door as she walked happily to the festival.
Sayaka heard rather than saw the taiko drums, for their strong beat resounded a few hundred yards away from the main entrance of the festival. As she approached the gates of the shrine, pale yellow light spilled upon her growing brighter with every step, until she was in the midst of various tones of light from stalls set up throughout the shrine grounds. After paying her respects to the shrine by tossing in a coin, ringing the bell to alert the Shintō gods to her prayer and then clapping her hands, she turned around giddy with excitement and made her way to the stalls that ran some of her favourite festival games.
An hour or so later, walking happily with her chocolate covered banana lolly, she walked to the centre of the festival where in the centre a stand was erected about ten feet into the air with the MC chanting out the different moves to the Bon dance. Many people dressed in yukatas, male and female, young and old alike were dancing around the stall in precise steps according to the song that was played for them.
Hurriedly finishing her chocolate banana, Sayaka went to toss the stick in the bin when she encountered a familiar face and gave a small cry of surprise.
“Kei-kun! I didn’t know you were coming, what are you doing here? Are you with your mother?”
Keijirou who had recovered first smiled warmly, feeling slightly sheepish.
“Well… I remembered that we used to come to the festivals on your birthdays in the past… I wasn’t sure if you’d be at home or if visitors were allowed so I just came here to get away for a while and relax.”
Sayaka’s eyes narrowed in mild suspicion. “You were stalking me, weren’t you?” She accused.
“No no! I wasn’t, I swear-”
Keijirou’s quick denials were cut off by Sayaka’s laugh. “I’m just joking. Anyways, if I had to have a stalker, I rather it be you.”
He knew she was still joking, but somehow their childhood jokes didn’t seem as innocent as they used to be when they were younger. He looked at her, more womanly, a lot taller, her hair braided in the ponytail now reaching to the mid of her back. As if she had sensed his silent visual run down of her, she lowered her head and turned towards the dance. A new song had begun that roused everyone’s spirits including Sayaka’s. Before she could say anything, Keijirou offered her his hand.
There was no need for words, her smile answered his question and together they walked into he crowd, joining in with the dance.
With deliberate movements of their palms and feet, they danced and sang most of the night away in rhythmic joy. Neither one could remember when they had so much fun in each other’s company for a long time, however it felt like years had never passed between their absence. Hours passed and the crowd began to thin out from the shrine grounds, children now irate with staying up past their bedtimes and elderly couples retiring early for the night. Sayaka and Keijirou decided to head off to their favourite lake spot and so after buying a couple of grilled sausages on a stick the size of a chopstick, they wandered out of the shine gates, content with their culinary delights. Sayaka’s smiled dropped slightly as she walked past the gate, sensing a chill in the air. A few feet away, she looked back, meeting the eyes of another local boy of their village, one she didn’t particularly like though. He grinned at her, a little too lecherous for her liking and she turned her head away, focusing straight ahead resuming on eating her sausage.
A minute later Keijirou added, “Don’t pay any attention to him. There’s no need to worry okay?”
He wasn’t looking at her whilst she said it, but she nodded her response. Soon they had reached their spot and took their seats on the grassy bank, picking out a few good pebbles to toss.
Sayaka still proved to be the better of the two, acquiring four skips across the surface before the pebble sank into the black depths of the lake. The moon has half full so there was some light shed upon them. Not that she minded either way; she was the natural surroundings of her childhood home with her old childhood friend. Life seemed to be just right at the moment. Neither one of them had spoken although their desire to say something hung heavy in the air between them. A quick simultaneous decision resulted in them both speaking at the same time.
“Kei-kun.”
“Saya-chan.”
They laughed, Sayaka allowing him to go first.
“I know last time we sat like this, I said things will change... which they have. But I’ve just realised that change isn’t necessarily a bad thing. I like spending time with you Saya-chan and I’d like to see you as much as possible.”
Sayaka nodded silently for he had spoken what she had already felt. “I wish time could stand still at this moment and we could remain here like this forever.”
“We can.”
She looked up at him, puzzled.
“I mean, someday I’ll leave this village.” He hastened to finish at her shocked expression. “I’ve been thinking about it see. Once mother passes away there’s nothing left for me here… or so I thought.”
“Kei-kun-“
“I plan to leave here someday soon Saya-chan. And… I hope that you come with me too.”
She was speechless. Leave the village? Leave her home, her family, her brother? Even if she wanted to spend more days with her childhood friend, she had too many responsibilities to abandon just for her own desires. Her eyes conveyed her sadness at the impossibility of it all before she found her voice to protest.
“Kei-kun, I-”
He kissed her.
Just a touch of their lips, but it was enough. He pulled back, gauging her reaction, his breath held as she put her fingers to her lips as if to convince herself that his lips had just been there a moment ago. From the moment of her head, now bowed downwards he could tell that she was blushing.
“Saya-chan?”
He wanted to know if he had gone too far. He wanted to know if she was okay. He wanted to know most of all, if she felt the same and to answer him, she moved in closer to him, pressing her head onto his chest. Expelling his breath, he wrapped his arms around her and held her silently.
No words were needed for unspoken promises.
Childhood habits dying hard, they relished in the fact that they once again had a fact to bond with, unique to only them. Despite their relationship being permissible, they had decided to keep it a secret. Just a piece of knowledge that belonged to only them to savour over on their lonely nights, to smile over on their reminiscing days. They had dreamt and talked about where they could go, what they’d do, where they’d live and their ideas where endless. They had also worked out a time where they could meet each other. Since Sayaka was home alone all day babysitting and looking after the house, they agreed that for thirty minutes each weekday that Keijirou could meet her at the back of her home where her father used to work, right next to her parents bedroom so she could peer over the window to keep an eye on her brother. They could invent a more plausible excuse for his visits in her backyard rather than his presence inside their house.
And so it began.
With a soft tap on the window of her main room, she quickly dried her hands and removed her apron. Having played with Kentarou most of the afternoon, allowing him to run free before feeding him, she had set him down in his playpen and sure enough he was napping. She covered him and made sure that he was comfortable before heading to the genkan to slip into her shoes and sneak outside.
She hugged him fiercely, revelling in his warmth, feeling at peace. For some meetings, they talked about their day, other times about their futures together expanding on their fantasies. Other evenings they simply hugged or kissed, but true to their words they stayed together for thirty minutes for Keijirou didn’t want to leave his mother alone too long once he had finished working for the day and Sayaka was slightly apprehensive about her younger brother. Each time they departed it was bittersweet for thirty minutes felt like a heartbeat, however it made their reunion a much awaited one, all the more thankful for whenever they could gain a stolen moment together.
As summer ended and autumn began to fade in, their meetings would sometimes only happen every few days, sometimes depending if Kentarou would sleep of just cry at being left alone in the quietness, or whether Keijirou had to work late or head straight home to his mother. Sometimes it rained too heavily for anyone to even imagine stepping outside, but that they didn’t mind, for their reunion would be all the more better.
The weeks passed and the whether slowly grew colder, the air fresh and crisp. Sayaka would normally be held close within Keijirou’s arms, not just for their pleasure but also to remain a little warm. It was on a night such as this, that when she looked through the window she gasped and shook her head, Keijirou sensing her alarm immediately.
“No… no”
He walked up to her looking at an empty playpen.
“The latch… it failed again, I was so sure that he was falling asleep. This is bad.”
And as if to emphasise her point, they heard a crash. Panic filled her chest as she bounded from the back to her door, hastily stepping out of her shoes and ran to her parents’ bedroom. But there was nothing to see here.
It took a second for her mind to register what could have possibly happened; the worst case scenario for the sound of the crash was mighty. She slowly walked into her bedroom, fearful of seeing what her mind had already seen, delaying her steps as to prevent the inevitable.
She looked, frozen to the spot. Ahead of her was a scattered bed of needles, pins and spools of thread, spread around the body of her brother covered with the silk of the kimono that she must have pulled down from the table. And surely as her worst fears had suspected, the sewing machine in which the cloth was bound to on the sewing plate had joined the spilt needles and pins on the floor, sickeningly close to where Kentarou’s head was laying.
Keijirou had caught up with her by this point and stood behind her, also witnessing the horror. Sayaka feeling his presence was snapped back to reality and she took tentative steps towards the body of her little brother.
“Ken-kun.”
He didn’t respond, he didn’t even cry, for there was never a time when hearing his cries would be so welcomed.
She knelt down and shook his body slightly, before emitting a small scream of horror. Now close she could see a small trail of blood in his hair and his body was just so still. She picked up him, deadweight in her hands, the patterned cloth still wrapped around.
“Ken-kun? Ken-kun. Please wake up, ken-kun!” By this point tears were spilling freely from her eyes, the quiet certainty of what had happened in the back of her mind but she refused to acknowledge it.
“Ken-kun. Ken-kun!” She screamed.
Keijirou had to repeat himself three times before Sayaka heard him.
“I’ll go get the doctor, so I’ll be back soon. Check his breathing and heartbeat and stop the bleeding if you can.”
She nodded dumbly for she could not see the rise or fall of his chest, nor feel his heartbeat next to hers. She held him close, rocking back and forth at the tragedy, so wrapped in her anguish that she did not realise that her mother had come home until she heard a heart piercing scream.
Her mother rushed over, snatching Kentarou from her hands although not as easily as last time and ran her hands over his cold peaceful face. Sayaka made to stand and head towards her mother.
“Mother-”
Her mother stepped back rapidly, looking at her daughter as if she was a snake, ready to strike at her any minute. Sayaka looked at her mother in confusion and tried to explain.
“Mother, I-”
“Don’t you dare come near me!” She commanded abruptly. “Keijirou’s gone to get the doctor and it’ll be okay.” Still watching her with gross apprehension, she stepped into her own bedroom, leaving Sayaka where she was. At that moment the door opened and the Keijirou stepped into the room with the doctor. When Sayaka pointed to the other room, the doctor went ahead, leaving Keijirou alone to rush up to her and hug her close whilst she sobbed uncontrollably in his arms.
“I-I killed him.”
“No you didn’t. As you said, the latch didn’t work.”
“Bu-bu I-I knew that! Why did I leave him alone? Why didn’t I check earlier? Oh Kei-kun, what have I done?”
She made soft reassurances that it was her fault and things will be alright and that he was here for her. That seemed to be enough to calm her down until a pitiful cry from her mother stopped both their hearts. Keijirou extracted himself from her and they both walked to the main room where the doctor soon passed them, his eyes downcast. With one curious glance at Sayaka, he bowed slightly and left the house. Her mother now stood in the hallway, not quite focusing on them although she was looking towards their direction. As if sensing each others thoughts, Sayaka looked up at Keijirou frightfully but nodded as she squeezed her hand and turned to leave.
The door shut, its sound seeming louder than ever.
Desperate to fill the silence Sayaka said the only thing that would come to her mind. “Mother I’m-”
She never finished her words for her mother had struck her, something that she’d never done in her life. Sayaka fell to the floor, more from the shock of receiving such a blow than the action itself. She sat up, one hands on her cheek the other shielding herself as if it’d stop her mother from advancing any further.
“Mother, I didn’t mean to-”
Sayaka screamed and scrambled back on her hands, trying to get away, but her mother had caught her long hair in her grasp twisting painfully, until tears of pain now stung Sayaka’s eyes.
“MURDERER! FILTH! EVIL WITCH!”
“Mother, it wasn’t my fault, I swear! The latch… the latch…” She cried even harder as her hair felt like it was being pulled from its roots.
“You’re just like your father! Uncaring, cruel, selfish!” Her mother spat out the last word, throwing Sayaka to the floor, her ribs painfully hitting the wooden floor.
“Why weren’t you in the house? Where were you? Huh?!”
Sayaka just continued to sob, not before she could stop herself from guilty glancing at the door for a split second. It was all her mother needed as the truth dawned on her. Her mother didn’t look at the door but at the genkan.
Her shoes.
"Natural Course of Things" by Cheza-chan