Now
Okay, I'm just doing this. There are more reasons that I've opened this. I want to be able to be sincere (without the fear that someone who knows me'll find out 'strange' things about me), to lie (well, I'm doing that most of the time, anyway... just joking, perhaps) and it crossed my mind too to create an alternate personality. I didn't think about something elaborate, just that with this name I'd comment and friend people, which normally I'm too shy, better to say afraid to do. Yeah, I'm a fucking coward. I have people-complex. I need them, I like to observe them, find out what they think but at the same time I'm disgusted by them and fear them. Others' opinions mustn't mean this much to me... for many reasons I'm totally fucked up. Once I said that I'm not special, I'm like all the other people out there, and I have all the commonplace features and feelings and so on, with the only difference that in me they are all too exaggerated... which makes it quite unbearable sometimes. But I don't want to turn this journal (too) into a whining one. For I can't get anywhere with that. I'd like to change, need to, in fact, but not that drastically, there are too many things, they are mostly feelings I'd hate to loose. Because I enjoy being obsessed. I can't imagine what I could do when I wasn't... but then I never was this sad either.
I wanted to break this into paragraphs but they are so connected that I won't. So... it's not amongst my purposes that people should read my journal but of course I don't mind. (I could just make the whole stuff private but then what' the point in making it look good? ^^ Not to get me wrong, I have a lot to work on that^^)
I could have made up a more creative title but kore dake for now.