Make tasteless paste
I don't know how to begin. In fact, I don't even need to begin. I'm still stuck.
Besides my usual obsessive concerns, now other things have come up. I've never talked about love. anywhere before. Most probably because I've never had much to do with it in the first place. Okay, that's so obvious he loves me. Maybe even too much. But the problem is I don't think so... no, I certainly don't. I like being with him, and sometimes I may even seem encouraging but then that feeling again it simply fades. (It may have to do with mornings, when I wake up, I'm always more reasonable and find everything I've felt/done /and this doesn't apply to love only/ utterly embarrassing and pointless. Though that must be the case with everyone.) And morning has already passed. My feelings are too ephemere towards almost anything. I think I just enjoy attention and care because generally I don't really get them and I'm weak or afraid to tell him he shouldn't have hopes. This was the same with the first person to love me, it took me months to turn him down. Even though in that case I wasn't attracted to him the least.
Anyway, no idea what to do next... He'll surely want to meet me again and I don't want to hurt him again. (But hell, I still don't get how can someone be so obsessed with me even after 3 years... I really don't wanna be a jerk...
God, me talking about such things?! Whuoh, so corny! yeah, I'm most afraid of feelings. and showing them.
Oh, yeah, the quote from the other day: '... a plausible mission of artists is to make us appreciate being alive at least a little bit.'
Besides my usual obsessive concerns, now other things have come up. I've never talked about love. anywhere before. Most probably because I've never had much to do with it in the first place. Okay, that's so obvious he loves me. Maybe even too much. But the problem is I don't think so... no, I certainly don't. I like being with him, and sometimes I may even seem encouraging but then that feeling again it simply fades. (It may have to do with mornings, when I wake up, I'm always more reasonable and find everything I've felt/done /and this doesn't apply to love only/ utterly embarrassing and pointless. Though that must be the case with everyone.) And morning has already passed. My feelings are too ephemere towards almost anything. I think I just enjoy attention and care because generally I don't really get them and I'm weak or afraid to tell him he shouldn't have hopes. This was the same with the first person to love me, it took me months to turn him down. Even though in that case I wasn't attracted to him the least.
Anyway, no idea what to do next... He'll surely want to meet me again and I don't want to hurt him again. (But hell, I still don't get how can someone be so obsessed with me even after 3 years... I really don't wanna be a jerk...
God, me talking about such things?! Whuoh, so corny! yeah, I'm most afraid of feelings. and showing them.
Oh, yeah, the quote from the other day: '... a plausible mission of artists is to make us appreciate being alive at least a little bit.'