(no subject)
hrm. it's been a while since i updated or even read any journals. i've been pretty busy. with what? i'm not sure exactly..
things have been kinda rocky lately. i feel so lost all the time. i'm really starting to think about what i want in life. and everything just seems so impossible. it seems so hard. i'm kinda at the point where..i either go back to school, or i move out. i don't want to go back to school and i do want to move out. so the answer seems obvious. but it's really not. it's so hard. because if i go to school, i'm scared that i'm going to be wasting my money because i really really don't know what i want. nothing really interests me... and so i really don't want to go to school. it doesn't interest me one bit. so i'm really starting to think about moveing out. but if i move out, i'm basically screwed out of ever going back to school if i some day wanted to.. at least so it seems. so i dunno.. i think i've pretty much decided though that i will move out...eventually. my main focus right now is to pay off my car, which i'm not far off, a few more months and it should be done. and then i think i'm going to start saving for a down payment on a home or something. i don't really want to rent. but ugh.. it's just.. i'm scared.
I seem to be having a spurt of bad luck lately. nothing really "good" has happened to me lately... more so that everything bad has happened.. iain and i got into a pretty big fight last week that's still kinda lingering around in my head...i got two red light camera tickets (stupid long story. don't ask. i don't feel like telling.), i discovered a big crack in the rear bumper of my car the other day, not sure what happened. and my mom was diagnosed with skin cancer..(nothing serious, she'll be fine. ..hopefully. fuck.)
the only good thing that has happened to me this month is: that stupid ass kid who broke into my truck back in april was ordered to pay the court $300 by May 1st and then the court would transfer the money over to me as compensation. everyone i talked to said that he probably wasn't going to pay his fine. but, last week i got a check in the mail for $50 as payment made in part by him so far. so that's good i guess.
other then that, i've just been kinda...ehhh lately.
things have been kinda rocky lately. i feel so lost all the time. i'm really starting to think about what i want in life. and everything just seems so impossible. it seems so hard. i'm kinda at the point where..i either go back to school, or i move out. i don't want to go back to school and i do want to move out. so the answer seems obvious. but it's really not. it's so hard. because if i go to school, i'm scared that i'm going to be wasting my money because i really really don't know what i want. nothing really interests me... and so i really don't want to go to school. it doesn't interest me one bit. so i'm really starting to think about moveing out. but if i move out, i'm basically screwed out of ever going back to school if i some day wanted to.. at least so it seems. so i dunno.. i think i've pretty much decided though that i will move out...eventually. my main focus right now is to pay off my car, which i'm not far off, a few more months and it should be done. and then i think i'm going to start saving for a down payment on a home or something. i don't really want to rent. but ugh.. it's just.. i'm scared.
I seem to be having a spurt of bad luck lately. nothing really "good" has happened to me lately... more so that everything bad has happened.. iain and i got into a pretty big fight last week that's still kinda lingering around in my head...i got two red light camera tickets (stupid long story. don't ask. i don't feel like telling.), i discovered a big crack in the rear bumper of my car the other day, not sure what happened. and my mom was diagnosed with skin cancer..(nothing serious, she'll be fine. ..hopefully. fuck.)
the only good thing that has happened to me this month is: that stupid ass kid who broke into my truck back in april was ordered to pay the court $300 by May 1st and then the court would transfer the money over to me as compensation. everyone i talked to said that he probably wasn't going to pay his fine. but, last week i got a check in the mail for $50 as payment made in part by him so far. so that's good i guess.
other then that, i've just been kinda...ehhh lately.