(no subject)
And now... a serious/pensive moment from mind of Amby...
You know, I really find myself missing having people to go out with. This summer has really been a bust for all the plans that I wanted to fulfill. This is probably going to be my last summer here long as I get that internship. I have done some things (like Ubaldo) but I had so many other things that I wanted to do with my friends here before we parted ways until God knows when. Central Park, Niagara Falls, Atlantic City... they are all not gonna happen now and it really depresses me.
And now that I'm in this class, it kills everything else my summer might have held. While it's not a hard class, it takes up two days of my week and another two with reading my assignments. I really don't think I can do the Bistro show (which I really did want to do) because of it. It's just... what ever I had left of my summer I would have to give up for Beauty and the Beast and I just don't think I can do that. If something just happened to come up and I wasn't free to do it, I'd kick myself for it. Not to mention that I would need to give up my 21st birthday and I would have to work the three days before I leave for Vegas. Add to that getting the things together for MY show, the constitution needs to be retyped, I want to work for Jude whenever she calls (she said she'd have a few good jobs for me once we started the new fiscal year and we just did so I'm expecting calls sometime soon). I just feel so terrible about this. It's gonna be the last chance I would get to be in a show up there, but I feel like that I can't really put my heart into it and I don't want to do something when I can't put my heart into it 100%. I haven't really decided yet. I have till Friday. I just don't know.
God, you know I... I just can't stay here. Even if I don't get the internship... I don't think I can stay here after I graduate. The more and more I think about it, I just can't. I've grow beyond this place. There is nothing more left here for me. I don't know where I would go. Maybe New York. I don't know. California is more and more appealing as well. Or I can always just try and get a normal job down at Disney. All three places would have some friends, so at least I wouldn't be alone.
And ya know, I guess that leads me to something positive... there HAS been an upside to not having people to go out with. A very good upside. Not going out at night means that I find myself online more and in iparty more and while I have been finding myself becoming more distant from some, I'm becoming closer to others. And I like that. I like that a lot. I'm starting to see that my fear that I've had for the longest time about not having friends when I leave this area is not gonna happen. It's making leaving look more and more appealing.
God, I'm so much more pensive over this stuff then I should be. I need a nap. Or a drink. Or... something.
You know, I really find myself missing having people to go out with. This summer has really been a bust for all the plans that I wanted to fulfill. This is probably going to be my last summer here long as I get that internship. I have done some things (like Ubaldo) but I had so many other things that I wanted to do with my friends here before we parted ways until God knows when. Central Park, Niagara Falls, Atlantic City... they are all not gonna happen now and it really depresses me.
And now that I'm in this class, it kills everything else my summer might have held. While it's not a hard class, it takes up two days of my week and another two with reading my assignments. I really don't think I can do the Bistro show (which I really did want to do) because of it. It's just... what ever I had left of my summer I would have to give up for Beauty and the Beast and I just don't think I can do that. If something just happened to come up and I wasn't free to do it, I'd kick myself for it. Not to mention that I would need to give up my 21st birthday and I would have to work the three days before I leave for Vegas. Add to that getting the things together for MY show, the constitution needs to be retyped, I want to work for Jude whenever she calls (she said she'd have a few good jobs for me once we started the new fiscal year and we just did so I'm expecting calls sometime soon). I just feel so terrible about this. It's gonna be the last chance I would get to be in a show up there, but I feel like that I can't really put my heart into it and I don't want to do something when I can't put my heart into it 100%. I haven't really decided yet. I have till Friday. I just don't know.
God, you know I... I just can't stay here. Even if I don't get the internship... I don't think I can stay here after I graduate. The more and more I think about it, I just can't. I've grow beyond this place. There is nothing more left here for me. I don't know where I would go. Maybe New York. I don't know. California is more and more appealing as well. Or I can always just try and get a normal job down at Disney. All three places would have some friends, so at least I wouldn't be alone.
And ya know, I guess that leads me to something positive... there HAS been an upside to not having people to go out with. A very good upside. Not going out at night means that I find myself online more and in iparty more and while I have been finding myself becoming more distant from some, I'm becoming closer to others. And I like that. I like that a lot. I'm starting to see that my fear that I've had for the longest time about not having friends when I leave this area is not gonna happen. It's making leaving look more and more appealing.
God, I'm so much more pensive over this stuff then I should be. I need a nap. Or a drink. Or... something.