(no subject)
So it's late, and I can't sleep, so what the hell. Let's update the old el jay.
Warning, This probably will contain a lot of bitching. Thats just my mood as of late..
So.. whats new? Not too much in my world. Quite a few things have been happening, but very few warrant a mention in this entry.
Happy Birthday to Tina and Jessica. I really wish I could have gone home this weekend. I have gotten a number of drunk phone calls, and it's just making me lonely. I want to be at home with everyone. I've learned that my priorities are off lately. This came to me because I almost lost a best friend. You know it's getting bad when you don't even realize that your friend is upset because you're too damn tired and wrapped up in all of the other things in your life to notice, or even care. I can't really describe how awful I felt about that whole situation, but I can't change it now. Everything seems to have cleared up, so that makes me very happy.
I'm ready to quit my life and move somewhere tropical and warm where noone cares what grades you get, how you did on the LSAT, whether or not you're leading people in the right direction...
That thought has crossed my mind a lot lately, and it's almost worrying me. There are a few certain RA's in my building where everytime they see me they think that I look stressed and they always ask me if I'm feeling OK. The truth is I'm feeling fine, but it's starting to get on my nerves that they keep telling me that. I know they care, however I can deal with things on my own, and continually asking me if I'm "okay" will not solve my problems. It will actually make them worse. I feel like noone has faith in me to do my job this year. It's like I'm the only one who is confident that I can do all of this without a) having a nervous breakdown b) killing myself or c) all of the above.
I'm pretty sure I put a lot of pressure on those I come to love and/or trust. It takes a lot to earn my trust, and when received I feel like I just have these high expectations for how the person is supposed to be, then when they turn out to be different I am hurt, and not at them, at myself for making the same mistake over and over again. Not entirely sure where that came from, but evidently I'm in a sharing mood this evening. I will be much happier with my job when the new semester starts, reasons do not need to be disclosed in this entry, but let's just leave it at that. The staff is doing really well, and I'm proud of them for putting up with all the crap they had to put up with this semester. It improved them, and in a certain way I learned a lot from them. I think it will only get better from here.
My hall council, my baby, is going well. Much better than I expected to be perfectly honest. I have received so much help from everyone, and I couldn't ask for a better e-board. Even my committee chairs are fantastic. If anything, I feel like I'm the one letting THEM down, not the other way around. This may sound bad, but I'm really looking forward to not having to do all of this again next year. It will be nice to have some time to get my head semi-together before I graduate and go off into the "real world", as we so fondly refer to it nowadays. The Undergrad bulletin is now my best friend, but after spending some much needed bonding time with it, I learned that I will actually be getting out of here in 4 years. Quite a relief, actually. But at the same time I find myself panicking. I remember when a college degree seemed forever away. Now its practically on my doorstep.
Well I guess this entry has been long enough. I'll try and update sooner than later this time, but no promises.. <3
Warning, This probably will contain a lot of bitching. Thats just my mood as of late..
So.. whats new? Not too much in my world. Quite a few things have been happening, but very few warrant a mention in this entry.
Happy Birthday to Tina and Jessica. I really wish I could have gone home this weekend. I have gotten a number of drunk phone calls, and it's just making me lonely. I want to be at home with everyone. I've learned that my priorities are off lately. This came to me because I almost lost a best friend. You know it's getting bad when you don't even realize that your friend is upset because you're too damn tired and wrapped up in all of the other things in your life to notice, or even care. I can't really describe how awful I felt about that whole situation, but I can't change it now. Everything seems to have cleared up, so that makes me very happy.
I'm ready to quit my life and move somewhere tropical and warm where noone cares what grades you get, how you did on the LSAT, whether or not you're leading people in the right direction...
That thought has crossed my mind a lot lately, and it's almost worrying me. There are a few certain RA's in my building where everytime they see me they think that I look stressed and they always ask me if I'm feeling OK. The truth is I'm feeling fine, but it's starting to get on my nerves that they keep telling me that. I know they care, however I can deal with things on my own, and continually asking me if I'm "okay" will not solve my problems. It will actually make them worse. I feel like noone has faith in me to do my job this year. It's like I'm the only one who is confident that I can do all of this without a) having a nervous breakdown b) killing myself or c) all of the above.
I'm pretty sure I put a lot of pressure on those I come to love and/or trust. It takes a lot to earn my trust, and when received I feel like I just have these high expectations for how the person is supposed to be, then when they turn out to be different I am hurt, and not at them, at myself for making the same mistake over and over again. Not entirely sure where that came from, but evidently I'm in a sharing mood this evening. I will be much happier with my job when the new semester starts, reasons do not need to be disclosed in this entry, but let's just leave it at that. The staff is doing really well, and I'm proud of them for putting up with all the crap they had to put up with this semester. It improved them, and in a certain way I learned a lot from them. I think it will only get better from here.
My hall council, my baby, is going well. Much better than I expected to be perfectly honest. I have received so much help from everyone, and I couldn't ask for a better e-board. Even my committee chairs are fantastic. If anything, I feel like I'm the one letting THEM down, not the other way around. This may sound bad, but I'm really looking forward to not having to do all of this again next year. It will be nice to have some time to get my head semi-together before I graduate and go off into the "real world", as we so fondly refer to it nowadays. The Undergrad bulletin is now my best friend, but after spending some much needed bonding time with it, I learned that I will actually be getting out of here in 4 years. Quite a relief, actually. But at the same time I find myself panicking. I remember when a college degree seemed forever away. Now its practically on my doorstep.
Well I guess this entry has been long enough. I'll try and update sooner than later this time, but no promises.. <3