i just found out theres no such thing as the real world
yeah... venting time. i dont even know what im upset about this time. as usual its boys. sometimes i wish there wasnt' such a thing. they just... always seem to know just how to let me down. like tonight. michael. when i said yesterday that "we should hang out" he totally agreed... however, tonight when i actually do call him and leave a voicemail... all he can do is NOT return my phonecall. not even reply to it. give me a hint that hes even alive out there. he just leaves me hanging. and maybe to you.. thats not bad... cause its not like hes my boyfriend or he has to even answer to me whatsoever, but, this is what? the FOURTH maybe even FIFTH time hes done this in the past month... and one of those times was MY BIRTHDAY... i always have a problem with falling for a boy who could care less about me. and then theres zach again. its funny how ALL of my friends... ALL of my "friends" didnt like him when I was hanging out with him.. but when THEY want to hang out with him.. hes all good and everything? funny how they were mean to him when i wanted to date him or hang out with him, but now that he talks to them more... they can be nice to him and want to hang out with him all the time. they invite him to things that they dont even invite me to... yeah "friends." screw this world. screw everybody in it.
actually no. dont screw the world. they are just being normal. mean. rude. hypocritical. careless. i really dont doubt the fact that if i KILLED myself tonight NONE of my friends would even understand why i did it. how they make me feel so hopeless. so lost. so unwanted and unneeded. yeah. call me a drama queen. say that i over react. whatever i dont care what you think. this is how i feel. this is how i truly deeply feel. this is what i go through EVERYDAY... the thought that my BEST FRIEND doesnt even try to make me feel better anymore when im in a mood. the fact that she would rather make me feel worse than better. the fact that my BEST FRIENDS wouldn't talk me out of killing myself. they would give me some crap about "your being dramatic" and then they would walk away. what great friends i have. what a big fake life this is. what a loser i am.
actually no. dont screw the world. they are just being normal. mean. rude. hypocritical. careless. i really dont doubt the fact that if i KILLED myself tonight NONE of my friends would even understand why i did it. how they make me feel so hopeless. so lost. so unwanted and unneeded. yeah. call me a drama queen. say that i over react. whatever i dont care what you think. this is how i feel. this is how i truly deeply feel. this is what i go through EVERYDAY... the thought that my BEST FRIEND doesnt even try to make me feel better anymore when im in a mood. the fact that she would rather make me feel worse than better. the fact that my BEST FRIENDS wouldn't talk me out of killing myself. they would give me some crap about "your being dramatic" and then they would walk away. what great friends i have. what a big fake life this is. what a loser i am.