Big question
Now I have a rough time set up before me. How do you get through to a friend who closes the door on everyone? I could just bust it down, but I don't feel this is the time. It is hard to explain how I feel, but I think gentleness is the key, however I will have to figure out how to get in before I can do that. I have been looking for the key but I never got one so the search is not going well. I could knock, but odds are he will ignore to tap tap tapping on his door. Maybe I'll look for a door bell. He seems to answer to ding dongs, that and other sugary non-nutritional items. I could cover myself in yellow sponge cake and celo wrap myself. Become the world's largest Twinkie and get in the door that way. Then when he unwraps me I can jump out and say "Ha ha you thought I was a Twinkie, but I’m not. GGHHAA GGHHAA" Who knows. Guess I’ll just ride along and find a way in. I'm a lucky person, maybe there was a back door left open.
But when all is said and done, I will be there. He has to figure that out. I am not going anywhere. He can test those boundaries all he wants to. It seems like he pushes things away to try and save them from himself. Fascinating really, but I digress. It is almost as though he does not feel worthy of truly good things. That somehow it will all fade and leave him that small disregarded boy, needing mothers approval but loathing most if not all things about her. Quite a paradigm really. All boys need conformation from their mother. They need to know how great of a man they will be. They need to feel adequate for the "real" world. But what happens if the only one around for that is not such a great person. Is not the kind a woman who should be entrusted with such a vitally important task? It must be hard to try and find a healthy relationship when you don't know what one looks like. I should know. I have never seen one. Haven't seen a bad one (lived that for 4 1/2 years).
Ah fuck. Just not sure. I have confidence in myself though, so I am not too worried. I will figure it out. I will be right, I just hope this is one of those rare occasions that I will also win.
But when all is said and done, I will be there. He has to figure that out. I am not going anywhere. He can test those boundaries all he wants to. It seems like he pushes things away to try and save them from himself. Fascinating really, but I digress. It is almost as though he does not feel worthy of truly good things. That somehow it will all fade and leave him that small disregarded boy, needing mothers approval but loathing most if not all things about her. Quite a paradigm really. All boys need conformation from their mother. They need to know how great of a man they will be. They need to feel adequate for the "real" world. But what happens if the only one around for that is not such a great person. Is not the kind a woman who should be entrusted with such a vitally important task? It must be hard to try and find a healthy relationship when you don't know what one looks like. I should know. I have never seen one. Haven't seen a bad one (lived that for 4 1/2 years).
Ah fuck. Just not sure. I have confidence in myself though, so I am not too worried. I will figure it out. I will be right, I just hope this is one of those rare occasions that I will also win.