tell me what is love
Title: tell me what is love
Pairing: Baekhyun/Chanyeol
Word Count: 7626
Side Pairing(s): sekai, suchen
Rating: PG-13
Warning(s): [spoilers] minor character death, angst
Summary: And sometimes, you find love where you least expect to.
Author's Note: written for the baeconandeggs exchange
It’s a vague concept. Love. Baekhyun’s seen it everywhere, but he has yet to actually experience it himself. He’s seen it in the way Jongin looks at Sehun, in the way Joonmyun pushes his plate towards Jongdae because he’s particularly hungry, under the pretense of being full already-even if he isn’t. Having been alone for so long, Baekhyun walks like he’s rushing, and only when it’s night does he slow down.
Baekhyun isn’t one to question things, especially things he can’t help, so he doesn’t think about why he doesn’t have someone to share extra food with, or why there isn’t someone waiting to welcome him back when he reaches home. Instead, he thinks about all the errands he has to run, places he has to go, and counts the hours of sleep he would be able to get before his night job. Things he can help, things he can change.
Somewhere further up, Chanyeol exhales loudly as he slams a pile of paperwork down onto a side of his table, using more force than necessary. A glance at the clock tells him that the sun has already knocked off hours ago, and that now, in its place, is the moon, taking over its job of guiding lost souls home, only that it’s in the dark now.
Recently, more often than not, everyday ends with Chanyeol feeling both mentally and physically exhausted-and it isn’t like he’s just done a particularly difficult exercise regime, but it sure as hell feels so. When it’s considerably quieter, Chanyeol ventures out, further than where he would normally dare to under the sun’s watch. Sometimes he wonders if he would have been happier had he been born into a different family, somewhere with less demanding parents, somewhere where he had people to talk to instead of finding solace under the moon’s gentler light rays. Then he remembers that he’s got everything anyone could ever want, and that he should feel thankful for that.
Unlike Baekhyun, Chanyeol has a lot more questions in his head. Not that he ever voices them. Not that he ever dares to voice any of them. When he was younger, he had learnt not to question his parents’ decisions the hard way, sometimes through an unrelenting hand landing on his cheeks, others through embarrassment from being lectured in front of others. Growing up, he knows that he’s here to fulfil a purpose, but whether he’s any more than that, he doesn’t know.
Where Chanyeol dislikes the afternoon to evening period the most, Baekhyun likes it the most. That isn’t to say that he hates the night, because he loves his job, despite how tiring it might be. They are two very different people-a fact they will soon come to realize. And that is where the main antagonist of their story, fate, comes into play.
//
Their paths were never meant to cross, but fate has its own way of playing people, cruelly so.
In this world, where reality comes down like a punch before anything else, everything is black and white. People from the Lower class should never be allowed near anyone from the Upper class. Simple as that. There’s no Middles class, because the words gray area do not exist in the government’s dictionary. The Upper class gets things the Lower class wouldn’t even dare to dream of having, but the Lower class gets to live a fairly relaxed, even if more oppressed, life compared to the Upper class.
Take a look at Park Chanyeol, businessman extraordinaire. The heir to one of the country’s most important manufacturing companies. Born with a silver spoon in his mouth, yet he isn’t half as happy as he is supposed to be. He works for his own pay and everything’s good, so why is he still worrying so much?
Then Byun Baekhyun, night guard for the Lower class. Twenty two years old with no real achievement to his name, but that isn’t to say that he isn’t happy, because he is self-sufficient. Baekhyun is able to provide for himself and on good days, he can even afford to splurge a little more to keep himself full. Everything’s good, what does he have to worry about?
Every question has their answers, and Chanyeol is only waiting to find his.
//
And sometimes you find things where you least expect to.
Chanyeol knows that he will get lectured really badly should he be found, knows that naggings will start should his parents find out that he has the thought in his mind in the first place. Consequences aside, the thrill he gets from rebelling, is something he can’t put into words, something he doesn’t want to let go of.
Chanyeol has never been particularly good at saying no anyway, more so to himself.
Everyone knows of the consequnces of having affairs with someone from the opposite class. The Lower class are not allowed near the Upper class for fear of tainting them, while the Upper class are not allowed near the Lower class because it is simply socially unacceptable to degrade yourself to interact with people lower than you.
That isn’t to say that Chanyeol is stupid for trying-even though it actually is in ways he knows, but will never admit-but it isn’t like he hasn’t been here before. In fact, he has been here more times than he could count.
When it’s considerably quieter, Chanyeol ventures out, further than where he would normally dare to under the sun’s watch. He takes a secluded path down the town until he reaches the Border, and lingers around the area for a fair bit before he makes his way home and tucks himself into bed. Thing is, he has never made himself known, always staying behind the shadows of the buildings there, and he doesn’t know what’s making him especially daring this night. Chanyeol never does more than linger around because no one in the right mind would be up at that hour, and he enjoys the peace he gets, enjoys the breaths of fresh air he’d get.
On this slightly chilly April night though, he bumps into a short man with soft features and an adorable smile.
Baekhyun takes his usual route around town like any other night, with his torch in his hand. His job is pretty laidback, because the consequences of trying something funny are almost as serious as getting involved with someone from the other class, and not many people have the guts to deal with that. No guards or soldiers are employed to be stationed by the Border because the caste system has been in place long enough for even the younger ones to turn the other way when they approach the area, knowing that it wouldn’t end well should they so much as try to step into foreign territory.
Baekhyun’s just a precaution, and the fact that he enjoys the night breeze happens to help a lot when he needs to get through the night.
When he sees a shadowed figure walking towards the Border from where he is, he had to rub his eyes to make sure that he wasn’t seeing things because really-who would be foolish enough?
A tall man with long limbs and a pretty side profile, apparently. The contours and angles of his face are highlighted by the moonlight, and Baekhyun takes a brief moment to appreciate them before he snaps out of his daze and shines the torch obnoxiously in said man’s face after stepping closer. That causes the man to stop in what seems like (and should be) fear, feet this close to crossing over.
“You walk pretty quickly,” Baekhyun pants out. A shine of the torch down the man’s body tells of his background, and Baekhyun backs off almost immediately, holding his ground only because this man was trying to trespass into his territory. He almost looks hurt at Baekhyun’s reaction when the torch shines back up. What audacity.
“So it’s true,” Baekhyun mutters, before asking the usual what are you doing here?.
“What’s true?” The man chooses to ignore Baekhyun’s question, and he’s stuck between feeling annoyed and embarrassed, both at the fact that the man had caught his words. “The saying that says people from the Upper class always walk really quickly. Too quickly. What with the busy lives they lead and all.” He ends off with a shrug, trying for looking non-committal when he’s really impressed by the stranger’s looks. Does everyone from the Upper class look this attractive?
The stranger raises a brow at his answer, and Baekhyun’s thankful for the dark, because he isn’t sure if he wants to deal with being questioned about the flush that must have spread across his cheeks right then.
“You walk pretty quickly too, seeing as how you’ve managed to catch up to me.” Chanyeol doesn’t bother hiding his amusement at what he has just heard, and it is evident in the slight lilt of the corner of his lips. Baekhyun tries to ignore the burn of his cheeks.
“Or so I’ve heard. Now tell me, what are you doing here? At this hour?” Setting a hand on his hip, Baekhyun cocks his hip to the side, now looking every bit like a usual bitchy night guard.
“Oh. I got bored. That’s all.”
“So bored that you decided your life was worth risking?” Chanyeol tries to pretend that the distance between them isn’t bothering him, that even someone from the Lower class doesn’t seem to want to be friends with him at all. He also pretends that the question hasn’t thrown him off, offering Baekhyun a careless shrug of his shoulders as an answer.
//
When Baekhyun picks up the newspapares the next day, he’s half surprised to find a familiar face on the cover. Park Chanyeol, son of Park Jinyeol, boss of the Park Cooperation, is finally getting engaged at the age of 22. He’s only half surprised because after all, the stranger yesterday was from the Upper class, he couldn’t be that low social ranking wise. If anything, the brands he was sporting only further confirmed Baekhyun’s speculation-the fact that he was probably filfthy rich. In the picture, Chanyeol is seen to be smiling, and Baekhyun’s breath stops for a few moments. Chanyeol looks a lot younger when his cheeks are lifted up like that, and Baekhyun would never have believed that this was the same Chanyeol he had met just the day before, if not because he recognised the striking features in general.
Baekhyun makes sure to keep the stranger’s name stored somewhere in his mind before putting the newspaper down and getting out of the house, not needing to bid farewell to anyone as usual.
//
A weird sense of déjà vu overcomes Baekhyun when he spots a shadow nearing the Border again. Again, the shadow tells of someone who is considerably tall, and again, Baekhyun has to rub his eyes to make sure that they aren’t playing tricks on him.
This time, as if more daring, the shadow enters an alleyway that is opposite the office, an office simply made for the guards to check in and out, and also for them to rest should they ever need to. It follows after its human to rest on one of the chairs that were thrown out by a family that lived near the Border, and when the human looked up, the shadow’s head tilted up too.
Baekhyun is unsure if he should approach the stranger- Park Chanyeol-, because while he looks like he wants to be left alone, he also looks like he wants someone to talk to. That he can relate to, and Baekhyun knows because he’s been through that himself. The possibility that he may be able to help Chanyeol drives him closer to said man, taking quiet steps towards the sitting figure.
Chanyeol jumps a little when he looks up to find a pair of eyes staring back at him, and he pulls his back straight almost immediately. With his face pulled into a slight scowl, he definitely didn't look ad good looking as the first time they met, Baekhyun thought. Not that Chanyeol knew, because he was too busy sending not-so-scary glares at the stranger who had just invaded his precious alone time.
"Mister?" The other man tries, and Chanyeol winces at how formal it sounded.
"Chanyeol. Park Chanyeol." At that, the other man smiles and offers a hand. "Byun Baekhyun. Resident noise maker."
The hand disappears soon enough, because Baekhyun pulls it back, suddenly reminded of their differences. Chanyeol's hand awkwardly drops from where it was about to meet Baekhyun's hand, going to rub at the back of his neck instead.
"Uh... take a seat I guess?"
An eyebrow is raised, because it felt like Chanyeol was offering Baekhyun a seat in Baekhyun's own home. He takes his place on the empty space next to Chanyeol nonetheless, and makes sure to keep a safe distance between the two of them.
"I'm sure you know who I am. And you should know what I'm going to ask you next as well. I expect an answer this time."
Chanyeol almost detests the way Baekhyun is going all authoritative on him, especially since they had barely met each other for ten minutes. But something in him tells him that he should give Baekhyun an answer, since he has a job to do and Chanyeol is the one at fault here. Maybe also because he looked good enough for Chanyeol to feel obligated to answer his questions without much thinking.
"It isn't my first time here." Baekhyun's eyes widen, and Chanyeol doesn't really know why he feels the need to defend himself. "But I've never gone past the Border before, don't worry. And I'm here because... I just am. I like the peace here. That's all."
"Yeah. Okay. Interesting." At Chanyeol's half offended look, Baekhyun quickly clears his throat; having uttered those words mindlessly because he was too busy staring somewhere else. "I mean. I understand that. You know the rules. Just never let me catch you walking further and you'll be fine." The rules tell them that the people of opposite castes are not allowed to cross the Border unless given explicit permission.
The rules also state that there was to be no form of interaction between then as well. Unless the Upper caste people were talking to their servants, who are lower in rank despite living in the Upper class half of the country.
Baekhyun is still amazed, and he doesn’t think that that amazement will go away soon, not when he's so enraptured by Chanyeol's presence, and the fact that Chanyeol's sitting here, next to him, talking to him. No one from the Lower caste has spoken to someone from the Upper caste before, and they were only able to watch across the Border. Being this close to someone who spoke to him like they were equal when said person's rank was actually much higher than his made him feel something he couldn't put into words. Simply because he hadn't felt it before.
It's all foreign territory, and he has no idea how to go about speaking to Chanyeol without making himself sound like a boor compared to how elegant Chanyeol is.
"Do you come here often?" Baekhyun starts, unable to peel his palms away from where they were resting on his knees, slightly sweaty and clammy because of the distance in between them.
"Almost every day, actually." And why hadn't Baekhyun seen him before? "I usually like to stay hidden, hence you don't see me much, despite the fact that you're here every night?" Baekhyun feels like that should have been a statement, but Chanyeol sounds unsure, and he thinks that Chanyeol might have the same question in his head too.
Why hadn't they seen each other before?
"I'm the only night guard. No one else is willing to sacrifice their sleep for this." At that indirect answer to Chanyeol's question, he nods in understanding, and they let a minute of silence lapse between them.
"What made you--"
"What do you--"
A look is shared, and they burst out into laughter for a good minute before they quickly quieten themselves, or at least they try to. They can't risk getting seen together, not when there were houses with people sleeping before and behind them. Any noise might wake the people up. What a news headline that would make.
Later, Chanyeol tells Baekhyun that he oversees an entire factory for a living, and Baekhyun will tell Chanyeol about how he always enjoys delivering mail.
Chanyeol will also say that life is stressful for him, and that he has to get married to a girl he barely knows. Baekhyun will talk about how he might just be starting to feel lonely, but it isn't like he's not going to be able to live without someone to love.
They will chat into the wee hours of the night, and only after Chanyeol suddenly remembers that he has a morning inspection to make in the factory will he get up and get ready to leave. Baekhyun will worry about whether he had let anyone slip past the Border while he got busy staring at Chanyeol's face, and they will bid their farewells.
And they both part while hoping that this wouldn't be their last time speaking to each other.
//
It is Sehun's birthday soon, and Jongin, being the 24/7 dedicated boyfriend, has decided to ask Baekhyun for help on how to go about planning a small party to celebrate it.
Sehun's his childhood friend, and it only makes sense that Baekhyun would want someone dear to him to feel happy. Without much thought, he calls in sick for his night job that day, bribing Zitao over with a promise of a good meal. Baekhyun's not actually sure if he would be able to afford it, given Zitao's expensive tastes, but he figures it should be worth it when he sees Sehun grinning from ear to ear.
Sehun is turning 21, and at midnight, they celebrate his first legal cup of alcohol by downing a cup each together. The event is nothing grand, held in Sehun and Jongin's humble home. Instead of the usual bare white walls, Jongin spent a little more money on decorating it with streamers and whatever he could find--that was appropriate for the occasion--in the local market. The pain of having to stave of chicken, having to scrimp and save for at least a week is nothing when Jongin sees Sehun's eyes shine, forming beautiful crescents whenever he laughs. And Baekhyun forgets the pain of having to sacrifice his pay for a night (sweet potatoes for two days) when he sees it too.
They try to have as much fun as possible while keeping the volume low and loud cheers started turning into poorly controlled eruptions of unmanly giggles at the slightest thing as they down more cups for alcohol. Somewhere halfway through, Jongdae manages to convince an almost thoroughly drunk Joonmyun that dancing would be good, and the other three of them struggle to keep the laughter to themselves as they watch. The music's long stopped, what with Baekhyun getting too busy with trying to stop laughing to be able to sing properly, but that doesn't seem to be a problem because Joonmyun continues shaking his hips, waving at everybody beauty pageant style complete with gross flying kisses after he takes his jacket off and throws it somewhere.
Everything ends soon enough when Sehun gets so drunk Jongin has to bodily drag him into their shared room. Even then, he doesn't stop with his unintelligible uttering of words he seems to have made up. Baekhyun smiles at the sight of Jongin's proud smile when he gazes at Sehun's mostly drunken form, and he prides himself on being the one that brought them together.
The fact that he still has to return home to an empty house doesn't bother him ad much that night, mostly because he is drunk, but also because he thinks that he shouldn't be feeling bitter about himself when all his other friends are happy.
//
It feels like someone is constantly beating a loud drum next to his ears and his head hurts like a bitch the next morning, but he pushes himself out of bed nonetheless, because he knows that there are people already waiting for him by their door, and that he can't afford to disappoint them. He can't afford to skip out this shift either, because then he might have to go even longer without having sweet potato on his dinner table, and he's been craving for it for the past few days already.
After a poorly put together hangover breakfast that simply consisted of plain water and a pill and some bread, Baekhyun throws a leg over his bike and hops on, ready to cycle over to the main office to collect the letters first before he starts with sending them out.
The rest of the day goes on as usual--Baekhyun standing by doors to chat with some people after he gives them their letters, returning home around evening, just in time to catch a few hours of sleep before he got up for his night guard job. Add in spending a good amount of time walking around the market before finally making his way to the sweet potato shop.
He made it a point to get up earlier this time, so that he could help Zitao out for a while as a form of repayment, on top of offering to buy him a meal. Partly also because he hoped that he would also be able to see a certain someone for a longer period of time- Chanyeol. Right. How could Baekhyun have forgotten about him? He was so busy trying to think of ways to help Jongin prepare for the party that he forgot to tell Chanyeol that he wouldn't be coming for a night, and that Zitao would be filling in for him instead.
But it wasn't like it mattered, right? After all, they had only been meeting for the past few days. Granted, they had shared with each other a lot about their lives, but that didn't necessarily make them good friends, or at least Baekhyun wasn't obligated to tell him that he wouldn't be coming for a night, right?
Apparently he was wrong.
Briefly glancing towards the wall where the clock is while waving towards a Zitao who was leaving the office, Baekhyun checked for the time. 10pm. It was still fairly early, and he takes a seat by his desk so that he was able to keep an eye on what went on outside while he sat inside, since it was near the door. Usually, he would start making his rounds when it was midnight, and that will be when he will run into Chanyeol by the same alleyway, if not a little later.
At midnight, Baekhyun makes sure to keep the light of the office on lest anyone needed help, even if there might not be anyone inside--this part of the country is smaller than the other, so it shouldn't take him too long before he returns. Picking up his torch from the corner of his desk, he gets up and makes his way out, getting ready to start his rounds.
The alleyway was opposite the office, so Baekhyun didn't have to go out of the way to check at all. He starts towards it, planning to then turn left like he always does, or always did, before Chanyeol came and gave him a reason to walk further on instead. What he sees, instead of the usual tall guy with an unusually bright smile that isn't shown often, are footprints. They are light, probably because it had rained earlier, but they tell of someone's presence. Judging by the size, Baekhyun can only guess that that someone was not as small as he was. The only other person he knows that actually walks here is Chanyeol. He probably arrived earlier than Baekhyun did, and left earlier than Baekhyun did as well.
Something tugs at his heart, and he realizes that it might be fear. He doesn't know Chanyeol well enough, after all, and he had just left him here alone for a whole night. The prospect of losing someone whose company he enjoys aside from his usual group if friends doesn't sit very well with Baekhyun. Not to mention that they are literally worlds apart. Where else could you find such a relationship between people of different castes?
They might not have verbally agreed to meeting every night, but they may as well have.
A part of him wants to apologize, because he knows this relationship is something he wants to keep, something he wants to develop, but a part of him also tells him that whatever they have between them, it is horribly close to being nothing. Nothing was ever to start between people like them, friendship or love wise.
Chanyeol isn't even here, so Baekhyun just shrugs his shoulder and makes a turn for the left, continuing on with his routine.
//
The next time Baekhyun sees Chanyeol, he looks sadder than the first time they had met.
It had only been two days, and Baekhyun guessed that Chanyeol was still somewhat pissed at how Baekhyun had chosen to leave him hanging by not showing up for a night, despite them being simply acquaintances. Or were they really?
They both still keep a distance from each other when they sit together, but more than it being because of Chanyeol's bad mood; it is because of their differences. Anyone with eyes could tell the difference between someone from the Upper caste and someone from the Lower, and the distance between them only serves as a constant reminder that it wouldn't be good for them to get any closer.
Chanyeol's hair is dishevelled-probably because of his habit of running his fingers through his hair freuquently-and he looks tired, to say the least. Baekhyun is willing to bet that given sufficient light, Chanyeol's horrible eye bags would have made themselves known, though even with minimal light, he could already see the beginnings of them. But for now, the moon is kind, and Chanyeol still looks good to Baekhyun. When Chanyeol runs his fingers through already mussed up hair again, Baekhyun finds himself wanting to do that for him as he watches long fingers disappear and reappear through the strands. He quickly catches himself.
"I'm sorry," he blurts out abruptly. Chanyeol waves dismissively, and he leans back to rest his back against the brick wall.
"How have you been? It has been..." Baekhyun tries to think of an appropriate word, "long." He cringes, because it had been two days only.
"I didn't feel like coming." Chanyeol starts, and Baekhyun's heart falls slightly at the admission. "Because I thought you weren't going to come anymore. It was only a night, but--" And there he stops. Chanyeol hates to admit this, but he knows he has this habit of getting attached to things quickly, mostly because he never had something constant in his life, scoldings and naggings aside. The small number of days but huge-to Chanyeol, at least-amount of hours he had spent with Baekhyun, with them pouring their hearts out to each other had been a first for him. He had never felt like he needed to tell anyone what he felt, because no one had time or bothered to listen to him, but he thinks he sees a confidant and a friend in Baekhyun.
"I left earlier because I thought you weren't going to come, but I was stupid enough to try. Yet I gave up last minute."
"I need to show up. This is my job, silly." Maybe silly isn't the best thing to be calling Chanyeol at this moment. Maybe he should be comforting him with reassurances and soft touches. Baekhyun watches Chanyeol laugh at that, and he isn't sure what he thinks of it because what he said wasn’t meant to be funny.
Then, he suddenly remembers something, and he lifts his hand, bringing it near Chanyeol's as if he was about to set his torch onto Chanyeol's open palms. He ends up thinking better of it and sets it right between them.
"Wait here. I shouldn't take too long, but just-don't leave, okay?" Baekhyun doesn't even wait for Chanyeol's answer before he's sprinting off, or at least he's trying. It's difficult trying to be fast yet quiet in his running, because the last thing he wants to do is to wake people up.
The first time he trips, he wishes he had taken his torch instead, but he picks himself up because his house isn't exactly the closest to where they were, and he didn't want Chanyeol to be waiting for too long.
Panting, he returns to Chanyeol with a layer of sweat shining on his skin some time later. The first thing he does is to (pretty much) thrust the bag into Chanyeol's face, leaving the taller one to jump back to prevent whatever Baekhyun was holding out from hitting him in the face.
"There. Sweet potatoes." Chanyeol's eyebrows furrow at the name, as if he hadn't heard of it before, and Baekhyun almost balks at his ignorance. He returns to his original seat and slumps against the brick wall, putting the bag down beside his torch.
"This makes me happy. And I thought that if it did, it might- make you happy too." He's still panting, heavy intakes of breaths heard audibly, but it's not like it really matters. Even the small scratches from his arms don't matter, now when he has sweet potatoes and Chanyeol. Baekhyun picks one up and so does Chanyeol, but instead of digging in, he stares at it like it has grown an actual head.
"You do this." Baekhyun breaks it into half, "and this." He then proceeds to peel off some skin. "And finally, enjoy." A bite into it, and Baekhyun is trying not to hum in delight at the taste despite it being colder than what he would have liked.
Unlike Baekhyun, who is obviously more skilled in dealing with what was it called again, sweet tomatoes?, Chanyeol fumbles around, almost dropping a half onto the ground when he gives an attempt at breaking it. Baekhyun almost screams at the sight of his precious food being wasted, but ends up making a strangled sound instead, heaving a huge sigh of relief when Chanyeol does manage to save it.
He does, however, look at Baekhyun with widened eyes after he manages to get a bite of it. And there's a moment of silence in which Baekhyun is nervous because of the look Chanyeol is giving him--he's sharing something he likes with someone he likes, but for some reason he feels more nervous because he wants to get Chanyeol's approval. Baekhyun doesn't understand this feeling, so he shoves that realization into the corner of his mind, once again choosing not to think about things he can't understand.
"This is. Really good." Chanyeol finally says, with a mouthful of sweet potato. Baekhyun cracks a grin then. "It tastes weird." At the fall of Baekhyun's face, he quickly supplements it with a but I like it.
There is warmth in his heart, not from the sweet potato because it is starting to get colder than how it was when Baekhyun first returned with it, but from that simple action of Baekhyun's. As he stuffs his mouth with more of the delicious snack, he starts to wonder when the last time he had genuinely felt so happy was. And it wasn't even because he had managed to ace a test, or secure a particularly difficult deal with another well-established company.
When Baekhyun turns to him with a wide grin on his face, sweet potato in hand, Chanyeol's heart swells. For once, he didn't need praise from his father or approval from his mother to be happy.
Baekhyun never gave Chanyeol the explanation to his absence that one night, but Chanyeol never asked for one anyway.
Chanyeol might not have understood the implications of Baekhyun sharing what could easily be his meal for two days with him, and Baekhyun might not know that Chanyeol does not go around pouring his heart out to people he barely knows (or to anyone, for that matter) but there was definitely something that was to be said about the way the stars seemed to shine brighter on the way home that night.
//
Because Zitao takes the evening shift and Baekhyun takes the graveyard shift, the only time available for them to properly have a meal together would be the morning, since Baekhyun has to deliver letters in the afternoon as well.
Zitao is younger than Baekhyun, but not by much, even if it might not feel so. He might be the first one to burst into tears if anything bad happens around him, but he is also the first one to pick up when there are certain things happening around him.
Like falling in love.
"Boy, do your cheeks look rosy today. Have you finally gotten someone?" Surprisingly, a face floats up in Baekhyun's mind, but no, Chanyeol isn't his, and will never be. Baekhyun attributes it to the fact that he's been seeing Chanyeol's face a lot more often, is all.
A shake of his head earns a raise of Zitao's eyebrows. "Okay."
He might have let the topic drop for now, but Baekhyun knows he's going to bring it up again sooner or later-
"So how is the other person like?"
"Zitao. There's only me, myself and I. No one else, okay?"
They then proceed to place their orders, and the meal goes on like usual. Zitao talks about the interesting people that show up in the evening shift he takes, and Baekhyun talks about how dead the night is, conveniently not bringing up the fact that he's got company to make the night more interesting now, because his friend isn't the most calm when it comes to having news delivered to him. Shocking news, especially.
"So you really haven't been getting any at all?" Zitao chooses to ask that question in a louder than normal voice, and Baekhyun tries very hard to fight back the blush that is starting to make its way up his cheeks.
"No, I haven't." Then as an afterthought, "unfortunately."
Being one to trust his intuitions, Zitao obviously doesn't buy that answer, but since Baekhyun seems to be especially tight-lipped today, he chooses to let it go.
"Alright. Don't keep lying to yourself though. Falling in love is a wonderful thing. When you've realized it, it will keep you wondering: why haven't I felt this before?"
The words resonate in Baekhyun's mind.
Falling in love with someone who is a lot higher than him. Not just physically. Yeah, it sounds like a wonderful thing indeed.
//
It feels stupid when admitted aloud, but there are times when Baekhyun doesn't want to stop staring at Chanyeol.
It had happened a handful of times before, each time ending with Chanyeol letting out an embarrassed blush (he was always glad that they saw each other in the dark, he was sure he would never live it down if Baekhyun saw him with reddened cheeks). Chanyeol could be going on about work, or his life, and he would stop halfway because Baekhyun didn't seem to be listening. Baekhyun's eyes would always dart away briefly upon getting caught, bur frankly speaking, his embarrassed smile is pretty cute.
It feels stupid when admitted aloud, but there are times when Chanyeol doesn't want to stop staring at Baekhyun.
Chanyeol likes it when Baekhyun laughs. It's always more controlled because there's the fear of making too much noise, of making any noise at all, but Chanyeol enjoys the crinkle of his eyes. The way his body trembles along with mirth. Even the way he claps his hands while he laughs. Chanyeol would never get how he does it this silently, but it's probably because he's always too busy grinning at the sight to figure it out.
Even when Baekhyun doesn't do anything, he's still beautiful. Chanyeol doesn't get how he isn't already taken, but he finds his fists clenching at the thought of Baekhyun possibly belonging to someone else. Ever since they first had sweet potatoes together, Chanyeol had started to take notice of Baekhyun's fingers. They're long and slender and beautiful, just like every part of him. When he tells funny stories, his body tilts towards Chanyeol's, and there's always hands waving around. Sometimes Chanyeol gets distracted, but he manages to focus for the most part.
Even when Chanyeol doesn't do anything, he's still beautiful. Chanyeol has gotten less moody these days, and instead of remembering sad memories, he now shares with Baekhyun the daily happenings in the factory he oversees, along with some of his more pleasant childhood memories. If anyone were to say that Baekhyun is funny, Baekhyun would say that Chanyeol isn't that far behind him either.
They would have been content with pushing whatever feelings they had for each other aside, because they were never going to be able to love each other in the light.
But things happen, and sometimes Baekhyun wonders if the gods up there feel bored, bored enough to play tricks on people like them.
It's the second time Baekhyun has brought sweet potatoes over, and it's only because Chanyeol had specifically asked for it. Baekhyun had made fun of him because he had originally called it weird, but had taken a liking to it afterwards.
It happens like it is a scene that's meant to be in a romantic television serial.
Being well on his way to finish his first half, Baekhyun mindlessly reaches into the bag for another.
Only to feel another hand against his.
He immediately pulls back as if he had been burnt, and he looks up only to find Chanyeol looking back at him. His heart is racing because it’s another first, and also because he finds himself wanting to experience that again. He wants to take Chanyeol’s hand, intertwine their fingers together and spend the night like this.
Baekhyun doesn’t realize that he had been holding his breath in until Chanyeol moves, and it’s stupid, Chanyeol doesn’t know where he got the courage from, but he actually takes Baekhyun’s hand into his a few moments later. The first time it happened, it was an accident, but Baekhyun knows that this was done on purpose.
Baekhyun would have been the female protagonist, because he tries to pull away, act like he doesn’t like it when really, there’s no one to catch them around at this time of the night. Chanyeol’s the brave male protagonist, so he tightens his grip around Baekhyun’s hand, and Baekhyun eventually gives up struggling.
It’s stupid, because they struggled with eating sweet potatoes with one hand, and that night was more silent than the others. No words were actually exchanged, but Chanyeol had always thought that actions spoke louder than words anyway.
There is a reason why the colours of the houses get darker as they near the Border, after all. Aside from being where the guards report to and take care of, it is also where the guilty get punished.
It is only fair, because that way neither caste would have to cross the Border just to watch. It is a rule that everyone go, unless there are special reasons.
Every time it happens, the people always take a long time to gather, because no one wanted to watch someone from their own country die after all, especially if it were their friend or kin.
Baekhyun doesn’t know the people up for execution (and he is glad to say that he has never known anyone up there), but the dread is equally strong. He sees people from the Upper class gather at the other side, and he strains his neck trying to look for Chanyeol. The sea of people eventually gets too large for him to bother, so he gets his feet back on the ground, fingers tangling together nervously while he waits.
By the time he gets home, he’s still shaking, only less. Despite it not being his first time, it still doesn’t take away the horror of seeing someone die in front of him. It’s probably why that rule was imposed in the first place, to scare everyone off breaking them.
Baekhyun never used to have a particularly big reaction because he would always turn away or keep his head down, but this time, even with his head down, fear continued to keep him horribly still. With his eyes screwed shut, he could still hear the screams of some people from the crowd really loudly. There were still red crescents on his palms from where he had dug his nails when the gasps from the people signified the death of the couple up there, and they serve as a great reminder to what had happened.
He knew he was breaking that one rule that would get him up there faster than any rule he can break. Him, and Chanyeol. Thinking about it, it’s amazing that they have managed to go this long without getting caught at all. A part of Baekhyun also thought that the people up for execution might have gotten caught because Baekhyun was neglecting his duties in favour of spending time with Chanyeol, and that had let people freely pass the Border despite him being right where he could see it.
Meeting every night, having physical contact, even if it was only holding hands. Those were enough to get them put into jail.
That night he doesn’t show up and instead spends the night trying to sleep the fear away, even if he takes a longer time than usual because he’s not used to it. He assumes that Chanyeol would share his fear and understand this time.
//
“I’m getting married soon.” Chanyeol had confessed, head hanging low with his hands clasped in his lap instead of holding Baekhyun’s. Baekhyun had totally forgotten about it, and now that he had formed an emotional connection with Chanyeol, the news hit him harder than when he had first read about his engagement on the newspapers.
“Couldn’t have chosen a better time to tell me, huh.”
“I’m… sorry.” The hesitation before his apology angers Baekhyun, but he tries to keep it from showing, trying to loosen his unconsciously clenched fists. Baekhyun inhales audibly, mostly to calm himself down, but it’s also because he’s going to bring something up, and he isn’t sure if Chanyeol would agree with him, and if he doesn’t, what would happen to them?
They have been doing this for a few months now, and if Baekhyun hasn’t been reading the signals wrongly, Chanyeol is obviously interested in him as well, which leads him to this idea. He doesn’t even know if it would work, but for someone who has never truly experienced love before, he is foolish. He doesn’t know that he has a lot more to live for than just this one time, but what he knows is that Chanyeol brings out the hopeless romantic side of him, the one that blinds his judgement. He is willing to ignore what his brain is telling him in favour of following his heart, because he believes that as long as they have each other, they are going to be okay.
“Let’s run away together.”
It sounds and is incredibly foolish, and Baekhyun has never realized that it had sounded so until he verbalized it. Chanyeol’s big eyes grow even bigger, and Baekhyun is back to digging his nails into his palms as he keeps his eyes on Chanyeol.
Baekhyun doesn’t even know what he was expecting, but he was surprised when Chanyeol agreed. It was only a nod of the head, but Baekhyun had to try his best not to surge forward and hug Chanyeol. He doesn’t even realized that Chanyeol’s smile was forced, and that there was an almost obvious lack of positive reaction, because he couldn’t see through the blinding happiness.
//
Baekhyun isn’t as educated as Chanyeol is, but even he knows that not all love stories are allowed a happy ending. He can only hope that he’s lucky enough.
//
After leaving a handwritten note on his table, Baekhyun started to pack what little belongings he had, getting ready to meet Chanyeol where they always do at the agreed time. It is a very big risk they are taking, because there are more people out on the streets at this time. It is with a shock that Baekhyun realizes that this would be the first time he’s seeing Chanyeol in the day, and he looks forward to finally being able to see him under the sun’s bright rays.
It’s difficult trying to avoid seeing anyone he knows since everyone is pretty close, but he manages with minimal disguise, figuring that it would only make him stand out even more.
When he reaches the meeting place, he isn’t surprised that no one is there yet. Chanyeol would probably take his time getting there, that lazy kid. He would make his way there eventually, right?
//
And who was he trying to kid?
//
If they met in another life, another time, another place, would they have had it easier? Would they be allowed to be together then?
Pairing: Baekhyun/Chanyeol
Word Count: 7626
Side Pairing(s): sekai, suchen
Rating: PG-13
Warning(s): [spoilers] minor character death, angst
Summary: And sometimes, you find love where you least expect to.
Author's Note: written for the baeconandeggs exchange
It’s a vague concept. Love. Baekhyun’s seen it everywhere, but he has yet to actually experience it himself. He’s seen it in the way Jongin looks at Sehun, in the way Joonmyun pushes his plate towards Jongdae because he’s particularly hungry, under the pretense of being full already-even if he isn’t. Having been alone for so long, Baekhyun walks like he’s rushing, and only when it’s night does he slow down.
Baekhyun isn’t one to question things, especially things he can’t help, so he doesn’t think about why he doesn’t have someone to share extra food with, or why there isn’t someone waiting to welcome him back when he reaches home. Instead, he thinks about all the errands he has to run, places he has to go, and counts the hours of sleep he would be able to get before his night job. Things he can help, things he can change.
Somewhere further up, Chanyeol exhales loudly as he slams a pile of paperwork down onto a side of his table, using more force than necessary. A glance at the clock tells him that the sun has already knocked off hours ago, and that now, in its place, is the moon, taking over its job of guiding lost souls home, only that it’s in the dark now.
Recently, more often than not, everyday ends with Chanyeol feeling both mentally and physically exhausted-and it isn’t like he’s just done a particularly difficult exercise regime, but it sure as hell feels so. When it’s considerably quieter, Chanyeol ventures out, further than where he would normally dare to under the sun’s watch. Sometimes he wonders if he would have been happier had he been born into a different family, somewhere with less demanding parents, somewhere where he had people to talk to instead of finding solace under the moon’s gentler light rays. Then he remembers that he’s got everything anyone could ever want, and that he should feel thankful for that.
Unlike Baekhyun, Chanyeol has a lot more questions in his head. Not that he ever voices them. Not that he ever dares to voice any of them. When he was younger, he had learnt not to question his parents’ decisions the hard way, sometimes through an unrelenting hand landing on his cheeks, others through embarrassment from being lectured in front of others. Growing up, he knows that he’s here to fulfil a purpose, but whether he’s any more than that, he doesn’t know.
Where Chanyeol dislikes the afternoon to evening period the most, Baekhyun likes it the most. That isn’t to say that he hates the night, because he loves his job, despite how tiring it might be. They are two very different people-a fact they will soon come to realize. And that is where the main antagonist of their story, fate, comes into play.
//
Their paths were never meant to cross, but fate has its own way of playing people, cruelly so.
In this world, where reality comes down like a punch before anything else, everything is black and white. People from the Lower class should never be allowed near anyone from the Upper class. Simple as that. There’s no Middles class, because the words gray area do not exist in the government’s dictionary. The Upper class gets things the Lower class wouldn’t even dare to dream of having, but the Lower class gets to live a fairly relaxed, even if more oppressed, life compared to the Upper class.
Take a look at Park Chanyeol, businessman extraordinaire. The heir to one of the country’s most important manufacturing companies. Born with a silver spoon in his mouth, yet he isn’t half as happy as he is supposed to be. He works for his own pay and everything’s good, so why is he still worrying so much?
Then Byun Baekhyun, night guard for the Lower class. Twenty two years old with no real achievement to his name, but that isn’t to say that he isn’t happy, because he is self-sufficient. Baekhyun is able to provide for himself and on good days, he can even afford to splurge a little more to keep himself full. Everything’s good, what does he have to worry about?
Every question has their answers, and Chanyeol is only waiting to find his.
//
And sometimes you find things where you least expect to.
Chanyeol knows that he will get lectured really badly should he be found, knows that naggings will start should his parents find out that he has the thought in his mind in the first place. Consequences aside, the thrill he gets from rebelling, is something he can’t put into words, something he doesn’t want to let go of.
Chanyeol has never been particularly good at saying no anyway, more so to himself.
Everyone knows of the consequnces of having affairs with someone from the opposite class. The Lower class are not allowed near the Upper class for fear of tainting them, while the Upper class are not allowed near the Lower class because it is simply socially unacceptable to degrade yourself to interact with people lower than you.
That isn’t to say that Chanyeol is stupid for trying-even though it actually is in ways he knows, but will never admit-but it isn’t like he hasn’t been here before. In fact, he has been here more times than he could count.
When it’s considerably quieter, Chanyeol ventures out, further than where he would normally dare to under the sun’s watch. He takes a secluded path down the town until he reaches the Border, and lingers around the area for a fair bit before he makes his way home and tucks himself into bed. Thing is, he has never made himself known, always staying behind the shadows of the buildings there, and he doesn’t know what’s making him especially daring this night. Chanyeol never does more than linger around because no one in the right mind would be up at that hour, and he enjoys the peace he gets, enjoys the breaths of fresh air he’d get.
On this slightly chilly April night though, he bumps into a short man with soft features and an adorable smile.
Baekhyun takes his usual route around town like any other night, with his torch in his hand. His job is pretty laidback, because the consequences of trying something funny are almost as serious as getting involved with someone from the other class, and not many people have the guts to deal with that. No guards or soldiers are employed to be stationed by the Border because the caste system has been in place long enough for even the younger ones to turn the other way when they approach the area, knowing that it wouldn’t end well should they so much as try to step into foreign territory.
Baekhyun’s just a precaution, and the fact that he enjoys the night breeze happens to help a lot when he needs to get through the night.
When he sees a shadowed figure walking towards the Border from where he is, he had to rub his eyes to make sure that he wasn’t seeing things because really-who would be foolish enough?
A tall man with long limbs and a pretty side profile, apparently. The contours and angles of his face are highlighted by the moonlight, and Baekhyun takes a brief moment to appreciate them before he snaps out of his daze and shines the torch obnoxiously in said man’s face after stepping closer. That causes the man to stop in what seems like (and should be) fear, feet this close to crossing over.
“You walk pretty quickly,” Baekhyun pants out. A shine of the torch down the man’s body tells of his background, and Baekhyun backs off almost immediately, holding his ground only because this man was trying to trespass into his territory. He almost looks hurt at Baekhyun’s reaction when the torch shines back up. What audacity.
“So it’s true,” Baekhyun mutters, before asking the usual what are you doing here?.
“What’s true?” The man chooses to ignore Baekhyun’s question, and he’s stuck between feeling annoyed and embarrassed, both at the fact that the man had caught his words. “The saying that says people from the Upper class always walk really quickly. Too quickly. What with the busy lives they lead and all.” He ends off with a shrug, trying for looking non-committal when he’s really impressed by the stranger’s looks. Does everyone from the Upper class look this attractive?
The stranger raises a brow at his answer, and Baekhyun’s thankful for the dark, because he isn’t sure if he wants to deal with being questioned about the flush that must have spread across his cheeks right then.
“You walk pretty quickly too, seeing as how you’ve managed to catch up to me.” Chanyeol doesn’t bother hiding his amusement at what he has just heard, and it is evident in the slight lilt of the corner of his lips. Baekhyun tries to ignore the burn of his cheeks.
“Or so I’ve heard. Now tell me, what are you doing here? At this hour?” Setting a hand on his hip, Baekhyun cocks his hip to the side, now looking every bit like a usual bitchy night guard.
“Oh. I got bored. That’s all.”
“So bored that you decided your life was worth risking?” Chanyeol tries to pretend that the distance between them isn’t bothering him, that even someone from the Lower class doesn’t seem to want to be friends with him at all. He also pretends that the question hasn’t thrown him off, offering Baekhyun a careless shrug of his shoulders as an answer.
//
When Baekhyun picks up the newspapares the next day, he’s half surprised to find a familiar face on the cover. Park Chanyeol, son of Park Jinyeol, boss of the Park Cooperation, is finally getting engaged at the age of 22. He’s only half surprised because after all, the stranger yesterday was from the Upper class, he couldn’t be that low social ranking wise. If anything, the brands he was sporting only further confirmed Baekhyun’s speculation-the fact that he was probably filfthy rich. In the picture, Chanyeol is seen to be smiling, and Baekhyun’s breath stops for a few moments. Chanyeol looks a lot younger when his cheeks are lifted up like that, and Baekhyun would never have believed that this was the same Chanyeol he had met just the day before, if not because he recognised the striking features in general.
Baekhyun makes sure to keep the stranger’s name stored somewhere in his mind before putting the newspaper down and getting out of the house, not needing to bid farewell to anyone as usual.
//
A weird sense of déjà vu overcomes Baekhyun when he spots a shadow nearing the Border again. Again, the shadow tells of someone who is considerably tall, and again, Baekhyun has to rub his eyes to make sure that they aren’t playing tricks on him.
This time, as if more daring, the shadow enters an alleyway that is opposite the office, an office simply made for the guards to check in and out, and also for them to rest should they ever need to. It follows after its human to rest on one of the chairs that were thrown out by a family that lived near the Border, and when the human looked up, the shadow’s head tilted up too.
Baekhyun is unsure if he should approach the stranger- Park Chanyeol-, because while he looks like he wants to be left alone, he also looks like he wants someone to talk to. That he can relate to, and Baekhyun knows because he’s been through that himself. The possibility that he may be able to help Chanyeol drives him closer to said man, taking quiet steps towards the sitting figure.
Chanyeol jumps a little when he looks up to find a pair of eyes staring back at him, and he pulls his back straight almost immediately. With his face pulled into a slight scowl, he definitely didn't look ad good looking as the first time they met, Baekhyun thought. Not that Chanyeol knew, because he was too busy sending not-so-scary glares at the stranger who had just invaded his precious alone time.
"Mister?" The other man tries, and Chanyeol winces at how formal it sounded.
"Chanyeol. Park Chanyeol." At that, the other man smiles and offers a hand. "Byun Baekhyun. Resident noise maker."
The hand disappears soon enough, because Baekhyun pulls it back, suddenly reminded of their differences. Chanyeol's hand awkwardly drops from where it was about to meet Baekhyun's hand, going to rub at the back of his neck instead.
"Uh... take a seat I guess?"
An eyebrow is raised, because it felt like Chanyeol was offering Baekhyun a seat in Baekhyun's own home. He takes his place on the empty space next to Chanyeol nonetheless, and makes sure to keep a safe distance between the two of them.
"I'm sure you know who I am. And you should know what I'm going to ask you next as well. I expect an answer this time."
Chanyeol almost detests the way Baekhyun is going all authoritative on him, especially since they had barely met each other for ten minutes. But something in him tells him that he should give Baekhyun an answer, since he has a job to do and Chanyeol is the one at fault here. Maybe also because he looked good enough for Chanyeol to feel obligated to answer his questions without much thinking.
"It isn't my first time here." Baekhyun's eyes widen, and Chanyeol doesn't really know why he feels the need to defend himself. "But I've never gone past the Border before, don't worry. And I'm here because... I just am. I like the peace here. That's all."
"Yeah. Okay. Interesting." At Chanyeol's half offended look, Baekhyun quickly clears his throat; having uttered those words mindlessly because he was too busy staring somewhere else. "I mean. I understand that. You know the rules. Just never let me catch you walking further and you'll be fine." The rules tell them that the people of opposite castes are not allowed to cross the Border unless given explicit permission.
The rules also state that there was to be no form of interaction between then as well. Unless the Upper caste people were talking to their servants, who are lower in rank despite living in the Upper class half of the country.
Baekhyun is still amazed, and he doesn’t think that that amazement will go away soon, not when he's so enraptured by Chanyeol's presence, and the fact that Chanyeol's sitting here, next to him, talking to him. No one from the Lower caste has spoken to someone from the Upper caste before, and they were only able to watch across the Border. Being this close to someone who spoke to him like they were equal when said person's rank was actually much higher than his made him feel something he couldn't put into words. Simply because he hadn't felt it before.
It's all foreign territory, and he has no idea how to go about speaking to Chanyeol without making himself sound like a boor compared to how elegant Chanyeol is.
"Do you come here often?" Baekhyun starts, unable to peel his palms away from where they were resting on his knees, slightly sweaty and clammy because of the distance in between them.
"Almost every day, actually." And why hadn't Baekhyun seen him before? "I usually like to stay hidden, hence you don't see me much, despite the fact that you're here every night?" Baekhyun feels like that should have been a statement, but Chanyeol sounds unsure, and he thinks that Chanyeol might have the same question in his head too.
Why hadn't they seen each other before?
"I'm the only night guard. No one else is willing to sacrifice their sleep for this." At that indirect answer to Chanyeol's question, he nods in understanding, and they let a minute of silence lapse between them.
"What made you--"
"What do you--"
A look is shared, and they burst out into laughter for a good minute before they quickly quieten themselves, or at least they try to. They can't risk getting seen together, not when there were houses with people sleeping before and behind them. Any noise might wake the people up. What a news headline that would make.
Later, Chanyeol tells Baekhyun that he oversees an entire factory for a living, and Baekhyun will tell Chanyeol about how he always enjoys delivering mail.
Chanyeol will also say that life is stressful for him, and that he has to get married to a girl he barely knows. Baekhyun will talk about how he might just be starting to feel lonely, but it isn't like he's not going to be able to live without someone to love.
They will chat into the wee hours of the night, and only after Chanyeol suddenly remembers that he has a morning inspection to make in the factory will he get up and get ready to leave. Baekhyun will worry about whether he had let anyone slip past the Border while he got busy staring at Chanyeol's face, and they will bid their farewells.
And they both part while hoping that this wouldn't be their last time speaking to each other.
//
It is Sehun's birthday soon, and Jongin, being the 24/7 dedicated boyfriend, has decided to ask Baekhyun for help on how to go about planning a small party to celebrate it.
Sehun's his childhood friend, and it only makes sense that Baekhyun would want someone dear to him to feel happy. Without much thought, he calls in sick for his night job that day, bribing Zitao over with a promise of a good meal. Baekhyun's not actually sure if he would be able to afford it, given Zitao's expensive tastes, but he figures it should be worth it when he sees Sehun grinning from ear to ear.
Sehun is turning 21, and at midnight, they celebrate his first legal cup of alcohol by downing a cup each together. The event is nothing grand, held in Sehun and Jongin's humble home. Instead of the usual bare white walls, Jongin spent a little more money on decorating it with streamers and whatever he could find--that was appropriate for the occasion--in the local market. The pain of having to stave of chicken, having to scrimp and save for at least a week is nothing when Jongin sees Sehun's eyes shine, forming beautiful crescents whenever he laughs. And Baekhyun forgets the pain of having to sacrifice his pay for a night (sweet potatoes for two days) when he sees it too.
They try to have as much fun as possible while keeping the volume low and loud cheers started turning into poorly controlled eruptions of unmanly giggles at the slightest thing as they down more cups for alcohol. Somewhere halfway through, Jongdae manages to convince an almost thoroughly drunk Joonmyun that dancing would be good, and the other three of them struggle to keep the laughter to themselves as they watch. The music's long stopped, what with Baekhyun getting too busy with trying to stop laughing to be able to sing properly, but that doesn't seem to be a problem because Joonmyun continues shaking his hips, waving at everybody beauty pageant style complete with gross flying kisses after he takes his jacket off and throws it somewhere.
Everything ends soon enough when Sehun gets so drunk Jongin has to bodily drag him into their shared room. Even then, he doesn't stop with his unintelligible uttering of words he seems to have made up. Baekhyun smiles at the sight of Jongin's proud smile when he gazes at Sehun's mostly drunken form, and he prides himself on being the one that brought them together.
The fact that he still has to return home to an empty house doesn't bother him ad much that night, mostly because he is drunk, but also because he thinks that he shouldn't be feeling bitter about himself when all his other friends are happy.
//
It feels like someone is constantly beating a loud drum next to his ears and his head hurts like a bitch the next morning, but he pushes himself out of bed nonetheless, because he knows that there are people already waiting for him by their door, and that he can't afford to disappoint them. He can't afford to skip out this shift either, because then he might have to go even longer without having sweet potato on his dinner table, and he's been craving for it for the past few days already.
After a poorly put together hangover breakfast that simply consisted of plain water and a pill and some bread, Baekhyun throws a leg over his bike and hops on, ready to cycle over to the main office to collect the letters first before he starts with sending them out.
The rest of the day goes on as usual--Baekhyun standing by doors to chat with some people after he gives them their letters, returning home around evening, just in time to catch a few hours of sleep before he got up for his night guard job. Add in spending a good amount of time walking around the market before finally making his way to the sweet potato shop.
He made it a point to get up earlier this time, so that he could help Zitao out for a while as a form of repayment, on top of offering to buy him a meal. Partly also because he hoped that he would also be able to see a certain someone for a longer period of time- Chanyeol. Right. How could Baekhyun have forgotten about him? He was so busy trying to think of ways to help Jongin prepare for the party that he forgot to tell Chanyeol that he wouldn't be coming for a night, and that Zitao would be filling in for him instead.
But it wasn't like it mattered, right? After all, they had only been meeting for the past few days. Granted, they had shared with each other a lot about their lives, but that didn't necessarily make them good friends, or at least Baekhyun wasn't obligated to tell him that he wouldn't be coming for a night, right?
Apparently he was wrong.
Briefly glancing towards the wall where the clock is while waving towards a Zitao who was leaving the office, Baekhyun checked for the time. 10pm. It was still fairly early, and he takes a seat by his desk so that he was able to keep an eye on what went on outside while he sat inside, since it was near the door. Usually, he would start making his rounds when it was midnight, and that will be when he will run into Chanyeol by the same alleyway, if not a little later.
At midnight, Baekhyun makes sure to keep the light of the office on lest anyone needed help, even if there might not be anyone inside--this part of the country is smaller than the other, so it shouldn't take him too long before he returns. Picking up his torch from the corner of his desk, he gets up and makes his way out, getting ready to start his rounds.
The alleyway was opposite the office, so Baekhyun didn't have to go out of the way to check at all. He starts towards it, planning to then turn left like he always does, or always did, before Chanyeol came and gave him a reason to walk further on instead. What he sees, instead of the usual tall guy with an unusually bright smile that isn't shown often, are footprints. They are light, probably because it had rained earlier, but they tell of someone's presence. Judging by the size, Baekhyun can only guess that that someone was not as small as he was. The only other person he knows that actually walks here is Chanyeol. He probably arrived earlier than Baekhyun did, and left earlier than Baekhyun did as well.
Something tugs at his heart, and he realizes that it might be fear. He doesn't know Chanyeol well enough, after all, and he had just left him here alone for a whole night. The prospect of losing someone whose company he enjoys aside from his usual group if friends doesn't sit very well with Baekhyun. Not to mention that they are literally worlds apart. Where else could you find such a relationship between people of different castes?
They might not have verbally agreed to meeting every night, but they may as well have.
A part of him wants to apologize, because he knows this relationship is something he wants to keep, something he wants to develop, but a part of him also tells him that whatever they have between them, it is horribly close to being nothing. Nothing was ever to start between people like them, friendship or love wise.
Chanyeol isn't even here, so Baekhyun just shrugs his shoulder and makes a turn for the left, continuing on with his routine.
//
The next time Baekhyun sees Chanyeol, he looks sadder than the first time they had met.
It had only been two days, and Baekhyun guessed that Chanyeol was still somewhat pissed at how Baekhyun had chosen to leave him hanging by not showing up for a night, despite them being simply acquaintances. Or were they really?
They both still keep a distance from each other when they sit together, but more than it being because of Chanyeol's bad mood; it is because of their differences. Anyone with eyes could tell the difference between someone from the Upper caste and someone from the Lower, and the distance between them only serves as a constant reminder that it wouldn't be good for them to get any closer.
Chanyeol's hair is dishevelled-probably because of his habit of running his fingers through his hair freuquently-and he looks tired, to say the least. Baekhyun is willing to bet that given sufficient light, Chanyeol's horrible eye bags would have made themselves known, though even with minimal light, he could already see the beginnings of them. But for now, the moon is kind, and Chanyeol still looks good to Baekhyun. When Chanyeol runs his fingers through already mussed up hair again, Baekhyun finds himself wanting to do that for him as he watches long fingers disappear and reappear through the strands. He quickly catches himself.
"I'm sorry," he blurts out abruptly. Chanyeol waves dismissively, and he leans back to rest his back against the brick wall.
"How have you been? It has been..." Baekhyun tries to think of an appropriate word, "long." He cringes, because it had been two days only.
"I didn't feel like coming." Chanyeol starts, and Baekhyun's heart falls slightly at the admission. "Because I thought you weren't going to come anymore. It was only a night, but--" And there he stops. Chanyeol hates to admit this, but he knows he has this habit of getting attached to things quickly, mostly because he never had something constant in his life, scoldings and naggings aside. The small number of days but huge-to Chanyeol, at least-amount of hours he had spent with Baekhyun, with them pouring their hearts out to each other had been a first for him. He had never felt like he needed to tell anyone what he felt, because no one had time or bothered to listen to him, but he thinks he sees a confidant and a friend in Baekhyun.
"I left earlier because I thought you weren't going to come, but I was stupid enough to try. Yet I gave up last minute."
"I need to show up. This is my job, silly." Maybe silly isn't the best thing to be calling Chanyeol at this moment. Maybe he should be comforting him with reassurances and soft touches. Baekhyun watches Chanyeol laugh at that, and he isn't sure what he thinks of it because what he said wasn’t meant to be funny.
Then, he suddenly remembers something, and he lifts his hand, bringing it near Chanyeol's as if he was about to set his torch onto Chanyeol's open palms. He ends up thinking better of it and sets it right between them.
"Wait here. I shouldn't take too long, but just-don't leave, okay?" Baekhyun doesn't even wait for Chanyeol's answer before he's sprinting off, or at least he's trying. It's difficult trying to be fast yet quiet in his running, because the last thing he wants to do is to wake people up.
The first time he trips, he wishes he had taken his torch instead, but he picks himself up because his house isn't exactly the closest to where they were, and he didn't want Chanyeol to be waiting for too long.
Panting, he returns to Chanyeol with a layer of sweat shining on his skin some time later. The first thing he does is to (pretty much) thrust the bag into Chanyeol's face, leaving the taller one to jump back to prevent whatever Baekhyun was holding out from hitting him in the face.
"There. Sweet potatoes." Chanyeol's eyebrows furrow at the name, as if he hadn't heard of it before, and Baekhyun almost balks at his ignorance. He returns to his original seat and slumps against the brick wall, putting the bag down beside his torch.
"This makes me happy. And I thought that if it did, it might- make you happy too." He's still panting, heavy intakes of breaths heard audibly, but it's not like it really matters. Even the small scratches from his arms don't matter, now when he has sweet potatoes and Chanyeol. Baekhyun picks one up and so does Chanyeol, but instead of digging in, he stares at it like it has grown an actual head.
"You do this." Baekhyun breaks it into half, "and this." He then proceeds to peel off some skin. "And finally, enjoy." A bite into it, and Baekhyun is trying not to hum in delight at the taste despite it being colder than what he would have liked.
Unlike Baekhyun, who is obviously more skilled in dealing with what was it called again, sweet tomatoes?, Chanyeol fumbles around, almost dropping a half onto the ground when he gives an attempt at breaking it. Baekhyun almost screams at the sight of his precious food being wasted, but ends up making a strangled sound instead, heaving a huge sigh of relief when Chanyeol does manage to save it.
He does, however, look at Baekhyun with widened eyes after he manages to get a bite of it. And there's a moment of silence in which Baekhyun is nervous because of the look Chanyeol is giving him--he's sharing something he likes with someone he likes, but for some reason he feels more nervous because he wants to get Chanyeol's approval. Baekhyun doesn't understand this feeling, so he shoves that realization into the corner of his mind, once again choosing not to think about things he can't understand.
"This is. Really good." Chanyeol finally says, with a mouthful of sweet potato. Baekhyun cracks a grin then. "It tastes weird." At the fall of Baekhyun's face, he quickly supplements it with a but I like it.
There is warmth in his heart, not from the sweet potato because it is starting to get colder than how it was when Baekhyun first returned with it, but from that simple action of Baekhyun's. As he stuffs his mouth with more of the delicious snack, he starts to wonder when the last time he had genuinely felt so happy was. And it wasn't even because he had managed to ace a test, or secure a particularly difficult deal with another well-established company.
When Baekhyun turns to him with a wide grin on his face, sweet potato in hand, Chanyeol's heart swells. For once, he didn't need praise from his father or approval from his mother to be happy.
Baekhyun never gave Chanyeol the explanation to his absence that one night, but Chanyeol never asked for one anyway.
Chanyeol might not have understood the implications of Baekhyun sharing what could easily be his meal for two days with him, and Baekhyun might not know that Chanyeol does not go around pouring his heart out to people he barely knows (or to anyone, for that matter) but there was definitely something that was to be said about the way the stars seemed to shine brighter on the way home that night.
//
Because Zitao takes the evening shift and Baekhyun takes the graveyard shift, the only time available for them to properly have a meal together would be the morning, since Baekhyun has to deliver letters in the afternoon as well.
Zitao is younger than Baekhyun, but not by much, even if it might not feel so. He might be the first one to burst into tears if anything bad happens around him, but he is also the first one to pick up when there are certain things happening around him.
Like falling in love.
"Boy, do your cheeks look rosy today. Have you finally gotten someone?" Surprisingly, a face floats up in Baekhyun's mind, but no, Chanyeol isn't his, and will never be. Baekhyun attributes it to the fact that he's been seeing Chanyeol's face a lot more often, is all.
A shake of his head earns a raise of Zitao's eyebrows. "Okay."
He might have let the topic drop for now, but Baekhyun knows he's going to bring it up again sooner or later-
"So how is the other person like?"
"Zitao. There's only me, myself and I. No one else, okay?"
They then proceed to place their orders, and the meal goes on like usual. Zitao talks about the interesting people that show up in the evening shift he takes, and Baekhyun talks about how dead the night is, conveniently not bringing up the fact that he's got company to make the night more interesting now, because his friend isn't the most calm when it comes to having news delivered to him. Shocking news, especially.
"So you really haven't been getting any at all?" Zitao chooses to ask that question in a louder than normal voice, and Baekhyun tries very hard to fight back the blush that is starting to make its way up his cheeks.
"No, I haven't." Then as an afterthought, "unfortunately."
Being one to trust his intuitions, Zitao obviously doesn't buy that answer, but since Baekhyun seems to be especially tight-lipped today, he chooses to let it go.
"Alright. Don't keep lying to yourself though. Falling in love is a wonderful thing. When you've realized it, it will keep you wondering: why haven't I felt this before?"
The words resonate in Baekhyun's mind.
Falling in love with someone who is a lot higher than him. Not just physically. Yeah, it sounds like a wonderful thing indeed.
//
It feels stupid when admitted aloud, but there are times when Baekhyun doesn't want to stop staring at Chanyeol.
It had happened a handful of times before, each time ending with Chanyeol letting out an embarrassed blush (he was always glad that they saw each other in the dark, he was sure he would never live it down if Baekhyun saw him with reddened cheeks). Chanyeol could be going on about work, or his life, and he would stop halfway because Baekhyun didn't seem to be listening. Baekhyun's eyes would always dart away briefly upon getting caught, bur frankly speaking, his embarrassed smile is pretty cute.
It feels stupid when admitted aloud, but there are times when Chanyeol doesn't want to stop staring at Baekhyun.
Chanyeol likes it when Baekhyun laughs. It's always more controlled because there's the fear of making too much noise, of making any noise at all, but Chanyeol enjoys the crinkle of his eyes. The way his body trembles along with mirth. Even the way he claps his hands while he laughs. Chanyeol would never get how he does it this silently, but it's probably because he's always too busy grinning at the sight to figure it out.
Even when Baekhyun doesn't do anything, he's still beautiful. Chanyeol doesn't get how he isn't already taken, but he finds his fists clenching at the thought of Baekhyun possibly belonging to someone else. Ever since they first had sweet potatoes together, Chanyeol had started to take notice of Baekhyun's fingers. They're long and slender and beautiful, just like every part of him. When he tells funny stories, his body tilts towards Chanyeol's, and there's always hands waving around. Sometimes Chanyeol gets distracted, but he manages to focus for the most part.
Even when Chanyeol doesn't do anything, he's still beautiful. Chanyeol has gotten less moody these days, and instead of remembering sad memories, he now shares with Baekhyun the daily happenings in the factory he oversees, along with some of his more pleasant childhood memories. If anyone were to say that Baekhyun is funny, Baekhyun would say that Chanyeol isn't that far behind him either.
They would have been content with pushing whatever feelings they had for each other aside, because they were never going to be able to love each other in the light.
But things happen, and sometimes Baekhyun wonders if the gods up there feel bored, bored enough to play tricks on people like them.
It's the second time Baekhyun has brought sweet potatoes over, and it's only because Chanyeol had specifically asked for it. Baekhyun had made fun of him because he had originally called it weird, but had taken a liking to it afterwards.
It happens like it is a scene that's meant to be in a romantic television serial.
Being well on his way to finish his first half, Baekhyun mindlessly reaches into the bag for another.
Only to feel another hand against his.
He immediately pulls back as if he had been burnt, and he looks up only to find Chanyeol looking back at him. His heart is racing because it’s another first, and also because he finds himself wanting to experience that again. He wants to take Chanyeol’s hand, intertwine their fingers together and spend the night like this.
Baekhyun doesn’t realize that he had been holding his breath in until Chanyeol moves, and it’s stupid, Chanyeol doesn’t know where he got the courage from, but he actually takes Baekhyun’s hand into his a few moments later. The first time it happened, it was an accident, but Baekhyun knows that this was done on purpose.
Baekhyun would have been the female protagonist, because he tries to pull away, act like he doesn’t like it when really, there’s no one to catch them around at this time of the night. Chanyeol’s the brave male protagonist, so he tightens his grip around Baekhyun’s hand, and Baekhyun eventually gives up struggling.
It’s stupid, because they struggled with eating sweet potatoes with one hand, and that night was more silent than the others. No words were actually exchanged, but Chanyeol had always thought that actions spoke louder than words anyway.
There is a reason why the colours of the houses get darker as they near the Border, after all. Aside from being where the guards report to and take care of, it is also where the guilty get punished.
It is only fair, because that way neither caste would have to cross the Border just to watch. It is a rule that everyone go, unless there are special reasons.
Every time it happens, the people always take a long time to gather, because no one wanted to watch someone from their own country die after all, especially if it were their friend or kin.
Baekhyun doesn’t know the people up for execution (and he is glad to say that he has never known anyone up there), but the dread is equally strong. He sees people from the Upper class gather at the other side, and he strains his neck trying to look for Chanyeol. The sea of people eventually gets too large for him to bother, so he gets his feet back on the ground, fingers tangling together nervously while he waits.
By the time he gets home, he’s still shaking, only less. Despite it not being his first time, it still doesn’t take away the horror of seeing someone die in front of him. It’s probably why that rule was imposed in the first place, to scare everyone off breaking them.
Baekhyun never used to have a particularly big reaction because he would always turn away or keep his head down, but this time, even with his head down, fear continued to keep him horribly still. With his eyes screwed shut, he could still hear the screams of some people from the crowd really loudly. There were still red crescents on his palms from where he had dug his nails when the gasps from the people signified the death of the couple up there, and they serve as a great reminder to what had happened.
He knew he was breaking that one rule that would get him up there faster than any rule he can break. Him, and Chanyeol. Thinking about it, it’s amazing that they have managed to go this long without getting caught at all. A part of Baekhyun also thought that the people up for execution might have gotten caught because Baekhyun was neglecting his duties in favour of spending time with Chanyeol, and that had let people freely pass the Border despite him being right where he could see it.
Meeting every night, having physical contact, even if it was only holding hands. Those were enough to get them put into jail.
That night he doesn’t show up and instead spends the night trying to sleep the fear away, even if he takes a longer time than usual because he’s not used to it. He assumes that Chanyeol would share his fear and understand this time.
//
“I’m getting married soon.” Chanyeol had confessed, head hanging low with his hands clasped in his lap instead of holding Baekhyun’s. Baekhyun had totally forgotten about it, and now that he had formed an emotional connection with Chanyeol, the news hit him harder than when he had first read about his engagement on the newspapers.
“Couldn’t have chosen a better time to tell me, huh.”
“I’m… sorry.” The hesitation before his apology angers Baekhyun, but he tries to keep it from showing, trying to loosen his unconsciously clenched fists. Baekhyun inhales audibly, mostly to calm himself down, but it’s also because he’s going to bring something up, and he isn’t sure if Chanyeol would agree with him, and if he doesn’t, what would happen to them?
They have been doing this for a few months now, and if Baekhyun hasn’t been reading the signals wrongly, Chanyeol is obviously interested in him as well, which leads him to this idea. He doesn’t even know if it would work, but for someone who has never truly experienced love before, he is foolish. He doesn’t know that he has a lot more to live for than just this one time, but what he knows is that Chanyeol brings out the hopeless romantic side of him, the one that blinds his judgement. He is willing to ignore what his brain is telling him in favour of following his heart, because he believes that as long as they have each other, they are going to be okay.
“Let’s run away together.”
It sounds and is incredibly foolish, and Baekhyun has never realized that it had sounded so until he verbalized it. Chanyeol’s big eyes grow even bigger, and Baekhyun is back to digging his nails into his palms as he keeps his eyes on Chanyeol.
Baekhyun doesn’t even know what he was expecting, but he was surprised when Chanyeol agreed. It was only a nod of the head, but Baekhyun had to try his best not to surge forward and hug Chanyeol. He doesn’t even realized that Chanyeol’s smile was forced, and that there was an almost obvious lack of positive reaction, because he couldn’t see through the blinding happiness.
//
Baekhyun isn’t as educated as Chanyeol is, but even he knows that not all love stories are allowed a happy ending. He can only hope that he’s lucky enough.
//
After leaving a handwritten note on his table, Baekhyun started to pack what little belongings he had, getting ready to meet Chanyeol where they always do at the agreed time. It is a very big risk they are taking, because there are more people out on the streets at this time. It is with a shock that Baekhyun realizes that this would be the first time he’s seeing Chanyeol in the day, and he looks forward to finally being able to see him under the sun’s bright rays.
It’s difficult trying to avoid seeing anyone he knows since everyone is pretty close, but he manages with minimal disguise, figuring that it would only make him stand out even more.
When he reaches the meeting place, he isn’t surprised that no one is there yet. Chanyeol would probably take his time getting there, that lazy kid. He would make his way there eventually, right?
//
And who was he trying to kid?
//
If they met in another life, another time, another place, would they have had it easier? Would they be allowed to be together then?