(no subject)
People say that, "Silence is golden." Is that truly the case? I've been very quiet on my lj, not writing anything personal or sharing any thoughts or feelings. I still come on and read other people's journals and posts and comments, and sometimes even leave a comment of my own.
Then I start to think to myself about who I was, and who I've become. I start to think about the fact that very few people really know me anymore. I've changed and grown into a new and different person. Sure, there are some things I miss, but there are many things that I like about the changes and choices I have made.
There certainly are regrets in the past as well. There are things I still stand by. All of the things that happened made me re-evaluate and make changes and yes, I regret some of the changes, but I don't know if or if I actually want to go back to some of the old stuff.
I've never been very open about things, except for a very select few people and I guess that made people guess and make assumptions as to my motivations and why I did things. Or, maybe people didn't even care too much and I put to much emphasis on things.
I know I am a good person with a very good heart. I know I am honest to a fault and that has come back to bite me in the ass way many times and has as a result brought drama into my life in the past. I know I used to let people walk on me and then when I gained a spine and cut people out, I pissed people off and lost friends.
Do I regret it? Some of it I do, other things I don't.
Do I wish I knew how to get out there and either re-connect with people or even with new people, most certainly. The question is, how or when do I do it? Also, I question who I want to re-connect with and why. I wonder who would want to re-connect or even take the time to talk to me and see who I really am, because honestly, I do think that very few people did that in the past. It was easier to pass judgement on someone and assume certain things about a person.
In any case, if I ever have pissed you off or had any drama with you in the past, sorry about that. Generally speaking, it was never personal. Usually it stemmed from a misunderstanding or not being able to clearly articulate my feelings or thoughts or reasons. Or, sometimes it stemmed from people, myself included, having the patience to actually listen to the reasoning.
I've been through so much in the past few years that it has given me a different perspective on so many things. I've had many epiphany's. So, once again this is an apology to anyone I've ever pissed off in the past, and if you wish to continue knowing me, that's fine. If not, I understand.
Then I start to think to myself about who I was, and who I've become. I start to think about the fact that very few people really know me anymore. I've changed and grown into a new and different person. Sure, there are some things I miss, but there are many things that I like about the changes and choices I have made.
There certainly are regrets in the past as well. There are things I still stand by. All of the things that happened made me re-evaluate and make changes and yes, I regret some of the changes, but I don't know if or if I actually want to go back to some of the old stuff.
I've never been very open about things, except for a very select few people and I guess that made people guess and make assumptions as to my motivations and why I did things. Or, maybe people didn't even care too much and I put to much emphasis on things.
I know I am a good person with a very good heart. I know I am honest to a fault and that has come back to bite me in the ass way many times and has as a result brought drama into my life in the past. I know I used to let people walk on me and then when I gained a spine and cut people out, I pissed people off and lost friends.
Do I regret it? Some of it I do, other things I don't.
Do I wish I knew how to get out there and either re-connect with people or even with new people, most certainly. The question is, how or when do I do it? Also, I question who I want to re-connect with and why. I wonder who would want to re-connect or even take the time to talk to me and see who I really am, because honestly, I do think that very few people did that in the past. It was easier to pass judgement on someone and assume certain things about a person.
In any case, if I ever have pissed you off or had any drama with you in the past, sorry about that. Generally speaking, it was never personal. Usually it stemmed from a misunderstanding or not being able to clearly articulate my feelings or thoughts or reasons. Or, sometimes it stemmed from people, myself included, having the patience to actually listen to the reasoning.
I've been through so much in the past few years that it has given me a different perspective on so many things. I've had many epiphany's. So, once again this is an apology to anyone I've ever pissed off in the past, and if you wish to continue knowing me, that's fine. If not, I understand.