Deja Vu
Last night I got into an argument of epic proportions with someone I almost never expected to. Harsh, cutting words were thrown around, I cried, but then got over it and strengthened my resolve to logically spell out why the argument was happening, and needed to happen. I felt like I was 23 again (a tumultuous year in my life) and I immediately realized I did NOT want to go back there. I was accused of behavior that I was once guilty of in my life but have improved on and move past--however relapses happen from time to time.
Whatever. The words have some how lost me. I just wanted to eloquently express how I felt about the whole thing, but I just can't right now. While the argument was upsetting, there's just a part of me that can't take words thrown around by someone who finds offense in everyone's behavior very seriously. I really should've known that it was only a matter of time before sights were set on my own "problematic" behaviors. And it was silly of me to think that I would be somehow exempt from the melodramatic, fast-talking, emphatic, impassioned diatribe that is applied to everyone else. Life seems to be this battle of "privilege", where everyone's imperfections are magnified and are problems that need to be "checked" and lectured upon and schooled, as opposed to accepted and approached with a grain of salt. It was only a matter of time before that battlefront came to my door step. I refuse to live like that. I refuse to constantly be embroiled in a battle of life because life always wins. Our whims and idiosyncrasies and lives are so insignificant to this universe and I choose to pick my battles. It's incredibly easy to be judgmental without checking one's self at this stage in life (the age of 23 that is) because it comes with a lot of introspection and self-loathing that's projected outwards, and there's a frightening amount of change happening.
Perhaps in the 3 years I have on my friend I've learned that. Because a lot can certainly happen in that time frame.
Whatever. The words have some how lost me. I just wanted to eloquently express how I felt about the whole thing, but I just can't right now. While the argument was upsetting, there's just a part of me that can't take words thrown around by someone who finds offense in everyone's behavior very seriously. I really should've known that it was only a matter of time before sights were set on my own "problematic" behaviors. And it was silly of me to think that I would be somehow exempt from the melodramatic, fast-talking, emphatic, impassioned diatribe that is applied to everyone else. Life seems to be this battle of "privilege", where everyone's imperfections are magnified and are problems that need to be "checked" and lectured upon and schooled, as opposed to accepted and approached with a grain of salt. It was only a matter of time before that battlefront came to my door step. I refuse to live like that. I refuse to constantly be embroiled in a battle of life because life always wins. Our whims and idiosyncrasies and lives are so insignificant to this universe and I choose to pick my battles. It's incredibly easy to be judgmental without checking one's self at this stage in life (the age of 23 that is) because it comes with a lot of introspection and self-loathing that's projected outwards, and there's a frightening amount of change happening.
Perhaps in the 3 years I have on my friend I've learned that. Because a lot can certainly happen in that time frame.