(no subject)

[ambivalant]

this is not something that i never understood...
this is perhaps something i refused to understand..

i am at this moment all i was and ever will be..
in constant motion moving towards..
this is becoming..
always becoming and never being..
for being is static and marks the end of my becoming..
the end of all possibilities..
but at this moment all possibilities within this world are open to me..
(please by this world i do not mean earth.. by world i am referring to the situation. circumstance. interest.
to understand world one will have to pickup "being and time".. to perhaps understand the way in which i am using it)
i have no stagnant identity..
i will never know who i am.. only a constant reflection back on who i was..

aside
[not born anew at each moment like i dreamed...
but living each and every mistake
in all moments.. (no this is not a dwelling.. this is a living.. i do not carry with me the burdens and guilts of the past.. for they come to life the moment i climb out of bed.. in me with me they live again..)]

i am oceans of possibilities immersed within possibilities..
choking on choices and drowning on decisions..

--------------------------------------------------------------

i am everywhere and nowhere..

i am alone..

lost

applauding at the plays of others..
i shake the hands of all the characters..

my existence screams with silent terrors..
in passivity i drown my passions..

i suffocate in this vacuum..

this is truly an abyss of nothingness..
and forever i will loose the battle..