love is like a bottle of gin

[ambiguousx]

things have been relatively peaceful, in a quietly productive way. my substance life seems to not contain a great deal externally but that is fine, because there is a lot that goes on in my head. i have been reading and cleaning my room and practicing harp and piano. i have also been trying to take myself out of this life here, very slowly and lightly, in order to cope with leaving. there is much to say on the subject but i won't much get into it. i think it will be good for me. i have my couple of friends and a wonderful boyfriend and books but i'm lonely sometimes. not to say that i would escape loneliness but moreover provide more substance, in an external way. i do not know why this need for adventure in a physical sense is growing within me, but i look around at people close to me and i'm very happy for them. they do so many things and they don't really need me in order to survive. this carries no negative denotation; in fact it makes me happy that they are healthy and functional and independent. what i mean by not needing me is that they would function without me. maybe it's my time to go. it's all very complex and continues to grow even more complex as every aspect of myself and of people i know is brought to light in the situation.
maybe it is my time to go, though. i have had my best classes this year and i want to continue writing. and what is most important to remember is that i feel every feeling possible about leaving. so when i say i want to leave i don't very much either. when i say i am feeling light i am simultaneously rooted to the ground. everything is included, and that is the terror and the beauty in it.
in any case we'll see what the second semester brings. i have several new hard classes (hn civics/hn economics/astronomy) in addition to the ones i already have and i might, but probably won't do, the musical. oh, and rotary. haha yay.
i have a lot of things planned..

eva