(no subject)
I used to be so sure of my life. I used to know who I was, where I was going, and what I wanted... I used to know everything. I would watch people from afar and understand why they did what they did. I knew why they were happy, why they were sad, why they were together, why they were apart. I knew what I would do.. I knew not to make mistakes that other people made.. I knew to go after what I wanted.. But now everything's just a confused mess. It's not as easy when I'm looking at myself now... I can't just choose exactly what I want, because I'm not sure what I want anymore. I don't know what to go after.. I'm scared.. and I realize that I actually don't know anything. I only thought I knew everything.. but experience is the only way I would really be able to know anything.. and I haven't had any of that. Even though I know in my mind what I should do.. I can't bring my feelings to follow my thoughts. I don't work in unison with myself.. I have contradicting thoughts and emotions.
If I were asked the question, "What is love?" three years ago, I would have had a definite answer. I would have said, "To love someone means you are willing to give up everything for that person." There were no complications, it was as simple as that. But now, although I still agree that that is love.. when I'm asked the same question, I hesitate to answer. Love has several different meanings.. and I'm unsure which I believe in. And if I were asked today if I love.. I'm not sure if I do. I know I enjoy... I appreciate.. I like.. but do I love? I think I'm too scared to love...
If I were asked the question, "What is love?" three years ago, I would have had a definite answer. I would have said, "To love someone means you are willing to give up everything for that person." There were no complications, it was as simple as that. But now, although I still agree that that is love.. when I'm asked the same question, I hesitate to answer. Love has several different meanings.. and I'm unsure which I believe in. And if I were asked today if I love.. I'm not sure if I do. I know I enjoy... I appreciate.. I like.. but do I love? I think I'm too scared to love...