lonely
Suddenly I feel so lonely. Not in the common sense of the word.. because there are plenty of people around.. but it feels like no one knows me here.. They only know a little bit of me.. what I've shown them.. and for some reason I've changed from who I am. Am I scared? I don't know.. And what's sad.. is that now that I'm thinking about it.. and now no one else is here.. and now I don't feel lonely. I only feel lonely when there are people around.. when it's a false sense of fellowship, I suppose. But yeah.. how many people really know me? How many people can I trust with my entire life.. all of my deep dark secrets.. everything.... I guess that would be none, since I haven't told anyone everything.. but I don't know.. some of my friends do know me.. and they understand me and stuff. But how long did it take for my friends to know me? It took like 7 years for me to get this comfortable with my friends.. and now I must start over again with new people.. and we only have 4 years of college. Will I change myself at college? I don't really want to change.. not in the way I have been changing.. I want to become more real when I talk to people, not the opposite. Although I have become a bit more outgoing... I don't like what I'm becoming.. and no one here knows me enough to stop me from changing... Oh well.. only one more week left.. then I'll go home and try to remember who I am.. and who I want to be. This is so much more difficult than it seemed..