a poll of sorts

[ambientlight]

so. thank-you notes. what's your experience with them? is sending them the done thing in your social circles? what sort of thank-you notes have you sent before? how does one write a thank-you note to a friend's parents? ;_;

i ask this because the concept of thank-you notes was incredibly foreign to me until i came to the UK.

Comments

[lesstraveled]

even in the age of e-mail, we're taught here that the polite thing to do is still to send a proper paper one (or i guess there's a lot of ~contention about that, but to be on the safe side, physical notes are always kosher). generally i have sent them to relatives after they've given me something for my birthday and i also sent them to people who gave me stuff at my high school graduation party-thing... i guess just any semi-formal situation like that, esp. where older people Do Things For You. past grade school i've never sent them to friends, since errrr i am not exactly that sort of stuffy, posh person.

what are you thanking your friend's parents for? do you know them well? i think when i've done this sort of thing in the past i try for polite-but-personal, if you're thanking them for a gift mention what you're using it for, or if it's something like a social situation you were invited to, talk about a specific memory/incident that happened there, or something. just, like, something personal to keep it from sounding like you've copied the note from things Googled online a manners handbook.

[ambientlight]

where older people Do Things For You
hahaha best summary of the relevant social situation ever.

i was meant to just crash at a friend's place for the night (with another friend), so it's not like his parents extended a proper ~invitation... but then we ended up having lunch there... and then eating with them at their weekly Family Dinner... and i hadn't brought wine or anything with me when i arrived. ._. it's pretty strange because i'm quite close to the guy but that was the first time i'd ever met his parents.

to keep it from sounding like you've copied the note from things Googled online
yeahhh i was totally doing this earlier, before i despaired and made this post. >_<

thanks for sharing! etiquette is always so interesting to find out about/stress-inducing in practice.

[lesstraveled]

ohhhh i see! Meeting The Parents even in a friend context is incredibly awkward, yes. (especially the kind that has a weekly Family Dinner, omg dkjfkalskd; wha) i guess i would just go on awkwardly about how i was very appreciative of their hospitality & generosity in opening their home to me etc. etc. ... striking the right tone is SO hard. i always want to be more flippant/cutesy than i suspect i should to cover up my awkwardness, so perhaps i should not be giving advice. >___>

[ambientlight]

(ikr! it was all so weirdly Polite and Formal and Proper. THERE WERE CLOTH TABLE NAPKINS.) thanks for the tips, definitely working the words '(kind) hospitality' and 'generosity' in there, eheh. i always find 'appreciative' a tricky word, it doesn't sound like i'm being humble enough. ;_;

and i hear you re: being flippant, i always find myself making kind-of jokes and using the odd exclamation mark in an attempt to, i don't know, seem like less of a robot. but maybe robots have better manners anyway. ._.

[lesstraveled]

i always find 'appreciative' a tricky word
alksdjf these are the nuances that go right over my head!! solution: never be in situations that require thank-you notes.

i always find myself making kind-of jokes and using the odd exclamation mark in an attempt to, i don't know, seem like less of a robot.
thissss. i'm so afraid of my tone being misinterpreted. it's like, god, why can't emoticons be considered proper, they are the only way i am going to properly convey anything :'( but i am sure the guy's parents will be pleased! i don't know about the uk but thank-you notes are kind of a dying art here, so i am sure they will think you memorably polite in sending one. i try to tell myself the gesture is 90% of what counts when i'm too paralyzed. .__.

[ambientlight]

no, that's probably just my neuroses at work! because, like, all the online thank you note writing guides use 'appreciative' too ._.

man, if emoticons were acceptable in all situations, that would make communication so much easier. and thanks for the reassurance! :D;; i imagine that thank-you notes are getting rare across the whole of the UK population, maybe, but in certain middle class circles they are probably still the norm...