went to city...
Tonight was such a strange night. That place was such a huge part of my life and I walked in there to a sea of new and old faces. So many welcoming hugs, and after a minute or so, I relized I'm not that person any more. That person was a person crying for attention, and a person who just wanted to be heard...A person trying to find herself.
I needed that place when I walked away from Jake, That place catapolted me to be the person I am now... But I've moved on and that place is still the same.
same crappy black spray paint and broken chairs. same half naked women and men, same conversations, just a different crowd. In ten years they will think they run the place and a new crowd will wash them out too. and the only thing that will remain is the drama.
All the he said she said BULLSHIT! I want nothing to do with that.
I wanted to have my name clear, for so long it was so important to me and then I just stopped careing.
You see, something seriously popped in my head a while ago. Why do I care if you are shitty to me? And why do I let these people get to me so much? Why do I worry that someone may get mad at me if I say what's on my mind? And why on earth do I walk on eggshells to please any one????
And it hit me...STOP!
Simple enough I don't. You like me, you like me. You don't, you don't. I can't help that or make that change. sogo ahead and spred your filth keep on spreading it and one day it will all blow up in your face.
My 22nd birthday was a wake up call to me. I feel like I'm growing up. I feel stronger then ever. and I feel like I firmly stand on my feet.
I was replying to one of my friends LJs and she is such a sweet heart.. One of her past relationships mirrors mine with Jake. And as I was giving my advice there in the middle I relized something so huge and profound about myself, something that I didn't even relze I had done, that was needing to happen for a long time.
I let go...Jake is not going to hurt me again. See I did walk away, I walked away, and for that I won, I am the bigger person. I servived, and it feels like things are starting to fall into place. I'm not that same girl coward on the floor, that girl was something he created, and when I walked away, I left her behind. Like him.
and now, I leave him behind. I leave all the hatred, the anger and everything else behind.
that is the past. and the part that was holding back from letting that all go all this time... The part that was most painful. My baby, I let him go too. I relize now in hindsight I wouldn't have been able to care for the baby, it was a desparate girl in search of some part of him that would love her half as much as she loved him. I'm not saying what he did was okay in any way. But it just wasn't ment to be.
and now i move on to fully injoy my new relationship.
I feel like I can breath, and it feels good.
Does anyone out there beleave in dejavu?
I wasn't sure if I did for the longest time untill I started having it...I always wondered what it was, and I've had theories, and even thought I had figured it out. maybe in a way i was partially right before. But last night as me and matt were standing at the front I relivwed something in my head, and as I moved around I relized I am moving ahead while every one else stays where they are...
Here is my advice to all for today. ::If you don't like the way things are CHANGE IT!!! And if that idea is too complecated or you or your not willing, stop complanning about shit::
I know somethings can't be helped, I know life CAN suck, and I know everything is not going to be alright, but what ever. another great peice of advice that is stolen.. But i agree, You culd die today or you could die in fifty years, what good are those fifty years if you don't really injoy them? (ketene)
Life is not measured in breaths, it is measured in the moments that take your breath away (george carlin)
I do not fear death...I fear the unlived life..
all the same idea..different words. But yet people are still where they were ten years ago...
sitting there cry "OH my life is SO hard...but LOOK AT ME..I'm still alive"
GET OVER YOURSELF!!!!!!!!
Don't get me wrong, I'm not bitter...just tired of sugar coating.
that is all peopels, sorry for the long post had alot on my mind...
I needed that place when I walked away from Jake, That place catapolted me to be the person I am now... But I've moved on and that place is still the same.
same crappy black spray paint and broken chairs. same half naked women and men, same conversations, just a different crowd. In ten years they will think they run the place and a new crowd will wash them out too. and the only thing that will remain is the drama.
All the he said she said BULLSHIT! I want nothing to do with that.
I wanted to have my name clear, for so long it was so important to me and then I just stopped careing.
You see, something seriously popped in my head a while ago. Why do I care if you are shitty to me? And why do I let these people get to me so much? Why do I worry that someone may get mad at me if I say what's on my mind? And why on earth do I walk on eggshells to please any one????
And it hit me...STOP!
Simple enough I don't. You like me, you like me. You don't, you don't. I can't help that or make that change. sogo ahead and spred your filth keep on spreading it and one day it will all blow up in your face.
My 22nd birthday was a wake up call to me. I feel like I'm growing up. I feel stronger then ever. and I feel like I firmly stand on my feet.
I was replying to one of my friends LJs and she is such a sweet heart.. One of her past relationships mirrors mine with Jake. And as I was giving my advice there in the middle I relized something so huge and profound about myself, something that I didn't even relze I had done, that was needing to happen for a long time.
I let go...Jake is not going to hurt me again. See I did walk away, I walked away, and for that I won, I am the bigger person. I servived, and it feels like things are starting to fall into place. I'm not that same girl coward on the floor, that girl was something he created, and when I walked away, I left her behind. Like him.
and now, I leave him behind. I leave all the hatred, the anger and everything else behind.
that is the past. and the part that was holding back from letting that all go all this time... The part that was most painful. My baby, I let him go too. I relize now in hindsight I wouldn't have been able to care for the baby, it was a desparate girl in search of some part of him that would love her half as much as she loved him. I'm not saying what he did was okay in any way. But it just wasn't ment to be.
and now i move on to fully injoy my new relationship.
I feel like I can breath, and it feels good.
Does anyone out there beleave in dejavu?
I wasn't sure if I did for the longest time untill I started having it...I always wondered what it was, and I've had theories, and even thought I had figured it out. maybe in a way i was partially right before. But last night as me and matt were standing at the front I relivwed something in my head, and as I moved around I relized I am moving ahead while every one else stays where they are...
Here is my advice to all for today. ::If you don't like the way things are CHANGE IT!!! And if that idea is too complecated or you or your not willing, stop complanning about shit::
I know somethings can't be helped, I know life CAN suck, and I know everything is not going to be alright, but what ever. another great peice of advice that is stolen.. But i agree, You culd die today or you could die in fifty years, what good are those fifty years if you don't really injoy them? (ketene)
Life is not measured in breaths, it is measured in the moments that take your breath away (george carlin)
I do not fear death...I fear the unlived life..
all the same idea..different words. But yet people are still where they were ten years ago...
sitting there cry "OH my life is SO hard...but LOOK AT ME..I'm still alive"
GET OVER YOURSELF!!!!!!!!
Don't get me wrong, I'm not bitter...just tired of sugar coating.
that is all peopels, sorry for the long post had alot on my mind...