Fight Every Chance I Get
In a way, I am the biggest hypocrite of all. I talk to my friends, my family, hell, half the time just to anyone who will listen, and I always tell them the same thing. There shouldn't be anything in this world to stop you from doing the things that make you happy. Life is too short to sit around angry, depressed, or just unhappy for any amount of time. I tell people these things, and they follow through with them. And, they are happy. Yet, I myself cannot follow this small amount of advice that I give people. I have been absolutely miserable since college got out, and I can count off ways and ways that I screw myself out of being happy. I hate going home, I hate being at home. No, there isn't anything wrong with my family, I am just being sucked bone dry by them all. i hate my job, but then again, who wouldn't hate a job where you work 7 days a week, 10-12 hours a day? I am completely fed up with that shit, let me tell you. I am unhappy with my situation with Chris. I realize that I am the only one that can let that go and I am responsible for my actions, but how the fuck can someone love someone as much as I do him, and still say "ok, it's over."? I just fucking hate the whole situation.
What I really dream about doing is getting in my car, and just driving. I tried to quit my job today, and I had everything planned out. I planned it like this: I would spend Tonight (Monday) at home, then tomorrow call my friend Kelly and stay with her in Evansville until Thursday. Thursday, Friday Saturday I have Amigos, Then, I would come home Sunday, call Eric, and go to Richmond until like Thursday. On Thursday, I would then proceed to go to Muncie, in which I would call Nick and beg that I could hang out with him until say...Sunday. Sunday I would come home and have 4th of July with my family, and then Amigos again on Thursday, Friday, and Saturday.
I had all this planned out, and was actually kinda excited about it. I miss Nick alot and I have so much fun fighting with him. When I did get to see him, I should say that I was kinda bitchy, but then again, I always am around him. I just miss that easygoing charm of his. Nick will always remain my trusted friend, even when he is mean to me! LOL.
I miss hanging out with Eric too. Eric is a good guy and he could make me laugh even when I was down. I am really sorry that I am not going to get to see him Wednesday when he makes the trip down to the orthodontist on Wednesday. I was really looking forward to seeing him.
I just miss being happy. I think back to some of the happiest times in my life and realize how much I took them for granted. I mean, who wouldn't miss getting up at 3 a.m. to go to Steak -n- Shake to get breakfast to go, just so you could eat biscuits and gravy while the sun came up? I miss hanging out with the Razzle-Dazzle Gang, even if everyone lied to everyone. I miss driving to Derby with Biggin just to get me Chocolate covered pecans...Driving fast, laughing out loud, not having a care in the world... I miss everything so much. It is hard to believe that so much has changed so fast.
Just what the fuck am I going to do?
What I really dream about doing is getting in my car, and just driving. I tried to quit my job today, and I had everything planned out. I planned it like this: I would spend Tonight (Monday) at home, then tomorrow call my friend Kelly and stay with her in Evansville until Thursday. Thursday, Friday Saturday I have Amigos, Then, I would come home Sunday, call Eric, and go to Richmond until like Thursday. On Thursday, I would then proceed to go to Muncie, in which I would call Nick and beg that I could hang out with him until say...Sunday. Sunday I would come home and have 4th of July with my family, and then Amigos again on Thursday, Friday, and Saturday.
I had all this planned out, and was actually kinda excited about it. I miss Nick alot and I have so much fun fighting with him. When I did get to see him, I should say that I was kinda bitchy, but then again, I always am around him. I just miss that easygoing charm of his. Nick will always remain my trusted friend, even when he is mean to me! LOL.
I miss hanging out with Eric too. Eric is a good guy and he could make me laugh even when I was down. I am really sorry that I am not going to get to see him Wednesday when he makes the trip down to the orthodontist on Wednesday. I was really looking forward to seeing him.
I just miss being happy. I think back to some of the happiest times in my life and realize how much I took them for granted. I mean, who wouldn't miss getting up at 3 a.m. to go to Steak -n- Shake to get breakfast to go, just so you could eat biscuits and gravy while the sun came up? I miss hanging out with the Razzle-Dazzle Gang, even if everyone lied to everyone. I miss driving to Derby with Biggin just to get me Chocolate covered pecans...Driving fast, laughing out loud, not having a care in the world... I miss everything so much. It is hard to believe that so much has changed so fast.
Just what the fuck am I going to do?