Loss
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Loss is a four letter word that in no way truly describes the emptiness that encompasses this house tonight. It feels as if someone has reached through my chest and pulled my intestines through a small hole where my heart used to be.
Death is a five letter word with three letters in the middle that describes exactly what it will do. It will eat the heart that creates the hole, through which one's insides can be dragged. This is not a process that is over with quickly... but one that with each moment that passes... intensifies in the pain and agony of the removal of vital organs. It goes on and on until you are certain there is no more inside you that can possibly be ripped out... and then a memory flickers. A thought passes. A tear falls... and the process starts anew.
Earl is gone.
Naomi is gone.
Dade is gone.
Their initials spell the word END. Which is a three letter word that means final... which is appropo don't you think?
But I'm not thinking. I can't think any more. The deaths of these three people seem meaningless. We were supposed to save the world and we cannot even manage to save ourSELVES? How fucked up is that?
I went downstairs after Tumbler's concert to Dade pushing Earl into the computer room. I thought... Dade?? Here? I knew there was something wrong with this picture and ran downstairs to get Marcus. He was sleeping and I woke him and told him what I saw. He said what I already knew... "That doesn't sound good."
When we both got back upstairs, we saw Dade attack Earl, shoving him into Godhammer. Marcus said something like "No, not yet..." or "it's not ready..." as if this was something he'd expected but just not this soon. There was a flash of light and Earl was consumed by the virtual generator. Daren tried to stop him and was viciously attacked."Godhammer..." he didn't finish. Marcus ran to the computer console and began typing madly. He was hurt... how did Marcus get hurt?
I couldn't breathe. Should I try to help Earl? Should I try to help Daren? Marcus? I was in shock... it was like everything was happening in slow motion and yet at light speed at the same time.
I felt Earl's presence still around us... but he was no longer *with us* if that makes any sense. He was now a part of Godhammer. Powering it? Feeding it? I don't know. Daren was fighting with Dade, who had a crazed look upon his face. I knew Dade was technically insane... but I never in a million years thought he was capable of doing something like this. His thought processes, though a little odd, seemed more methodical than violent... and yet here he was... sticking his silvery thumbs into Daren's... eyes.
Oh God.
There was a scream. I really don't know if it was me that made the noise or it came from Naomi, who stood at the door of the computer room. We both watched in horror as the Horus sigils on Daren's body glowed and from the glow, formed the outlight of Daren's avatar. It battled fiercely and before we could blink, had reduced Dade to a pile of ash. Daren slumped to the ground. Naomi and I reached Daren's still form at the same time.
Naomi was sobbing, "We're losing him..." She opened the unhealed wounds on her palms and attempted to heal him as I traced the sigils on his skin and concentrated on his spirit... which I saw leaving his body. I had to somehow pull it back. The words that left my mouth were an Egyption prayer to Anubis, begging him to send back the spirit before his deeds were weighed against his heart. If Daren crossed over, no amount of healing would help him. The body would have nothing to animate it.
I tried not to look at his face... the pools of silver in the empty sockets where his eyes used to be. Before he was blinded by Dade.
"El eyah sekt Anubi - Pharoah desectu nuit - Herus mey. Clev ya juru ptah undekt neht. Nephtemtu neht heer. Juru Ba entu nephrotep neht leahtaymet. Aturu ytanl Anubis. Eyah sekt Horus haeri outeh. Neht leimmati bukr uufak eeh lurah. Mau Horus cuotlrah Ka mohr ne-Nuit."
(translation)
"Anubis... director of death and darkness... hear me. Hold still his judgement for his time is not right. The eternal does not call him. Bid his ba to return as his journey here is not yet complete. Please Great Anubis. Horus himself has claimed this one. Take him not to his father who wills his Ka to fight still on this world."
Naomi was pouring every drop of blood she could into Daren's open wounds, mingling the sanguine fluid with tears of misery. The love I saw in her eyes made my heart ache. I repeated the prayer to Anubis once again... forcefully. Now not asking anymore but almost demanding my will be done. I continued to trace the patterns on his skin. I saw them begin to glow again. Could it be working?
Jason asked us to step back for a moment. As our resident doctor and an incredibly talented mage in the sphere of Life, we did so. He put his hands to Daren's chest, using them like electrically charged paddles, attempting to shock his heart into starting. I saw the spirit that was trying so desperately to cling to Daren's body... slipping further and further away as it failed to work. Naomi sobbed and held Daren to her, unmindful of the electrical current that still swam through his body. She put her hands over his sightless sockets, and set her jaw.
What I saw in her overbright green eyes was the realization that all other avenues had been exhausted. It was then I knew exactly what she was planning to do. Sacrifice herself for the life of the man she loved. I tried to pull her away, but she shoved me off.
"NO!" she said, "It's all I have... All that I have is his."
And she gave it without another thought... and when she was drained...slumped to Daren's side in a limp heap. As she died...the sigils on his body lit up like fire. When Daren opened his eyes, they were bright green. Naomi's final gift to him. Her vision... and her place in the Wheel.
Daren slowly sat up and froze when he saw Naomi's body beside him. The look on his face was a mixture of misery and regret. He gathered her close to him and buried his face in her hair.
I scooted back on the floor, unable to speak but for incoherent mews as I fought to keep the tears back.
It is amazing the things you think about during a tense moment like this.
Who would take care of us and reassure us that we are on the right path? Who would make sure we remembered to eat? Remember to sleep? Who would teach us the rest of what we had only started to learn? Who would burn the scented candles to lift our spirits, offer advice when we were confused? Though I had known each of them less than 6 months, I considered them family and the thought of them not being around anymore was devastating.
Behind me, Marcus fell from the computer chair... exhausted and unconscious. At my sharp intake of breath, Jason moved toward Marcus and checked his vitals as Daren lifted Naomi up and carried her out back, to the shrine Mr. Ramses had set up for his daughter.
That was odd. With all that has gone on, I hadn't thought about him until now. Just where is Mr. Ramses?
I left the computer room as Jason was looking after Marcus and making ready to move him upstairs to the NY room. I walked slowly toward the front door. When I opened it, I saw Arthur.
The old man had risen from his rocker, holding tightly to his cane with his gnarled black hands. He extended one to me and I hugged him close. As his arms closed around me, I began to sob.
I didn't need to say a word. He knew. Arthur always knew these things before anyone told him. He just held me until my tears lessened and he asked, "Where's that boy?"
I told him I saw Daren heading in the back toward the shrine and he moved to the stairs. "Let's go then."
Arthur didn't leave the porch.
Usually.
I'd seen him do it on two occasions and both were dire circumstances. This was no exception, I suppose.
I helped the old man to the back yard where Daren was embracing Naomi. I noticed tendrils of leaves, grass and roots closing around her ankles and waist. The earth wanted her. Gaia was calling her daughter home. Daren pulled at her frantically, cutting the branches and leaves with his bare hands. More came and they were stronger.
"NO!" he growled... "NO! You can't have her... "
I tried to reason with him...but in his grief he was not seeing reason. He only saw the woman he loved, who had made the ultimate sacrifice for him... being taken away. Daren knew better but his heart was so full of her... he couldn't see that what he held was just a shell. An empty shell of her existence.
"She loved the earth... she would want to be here, Daren..." I said.
He finally relinquished her, watching as the ground swallowed what was left of Naomi. The grass grew instantly greener and little flowers sprouted before our eyes. As Daren stood, Arthur held a hand out to him. I got up and moved a bit away to give them privacy.
I don't know what was said, but knowing Arthur it would be to the point, caring and wise. Daren needed him. I starting toward the front of the house. Seeing flashing yellow lights, I broke into a run.
Jason came out onto the front porch as I reached the steps telling me that Marcus was in pretty bad shape but he would make it... I was relieved and noticed that he, too, was drawn to the flashing lights, which turned out to be utility trucks. Then it hit both of us at the same time: All the lights in the neighborhood were out... except ours.
"Shit..." he began and ran into the house. Seconds later, our house lights all went off at the same time. Smart, I thought.
I walked down the driveway, keeping in the shadow of the property wall. On the other side I heard people yelling that that problem was our doing... that we had power and no one else did. That it had to be our fault. The neighborhood watch /slash/ hunter's guild was accumulating a lynch mob.
We really didn't need this right now. I started to panic... They were going to storm a house full of grieving people. We would be no match for them now. We would all die.
Then over the cries of an angry crowd was the familiar sound of a sports car driving up.
A Black Lotus.
Oh this just gets better and better...
I drew close to the wall, putting my back to it so that I could angle my view and see out, but still manage to remain in shadow. I noted the lock on the gate was secure. Not that it would hold them for long. I was the first line of defense and I readied myself for the onslaught that was to come.
"What the HELL is going ON here?" Captain Sawyer demanded, flashing his badge. He was addressing the foreman of the Bayside Power Company.
"We have a suspicious outage and were investigating..."
"It is NOT your job to investigate...it's your job to FIX the problem. Have you fixed the problem?"
"Nnno...sir... these people are telling us that this house..."
The foreman was interrupted by the Hunter from the neighborhood watch, "The people who live here have been nothing but trouble. We KNOW they caused it. They had lights when no one else did. They are somehow..."
"THIS house?" Sawyer growled, "THIS house? You moron... THIS HOUSE is vacant... "
I thought to myself... of course this house is vacant... there are no lights... the grass is a little overgrown... no cars in the drive... wait. There is a car now that I think about it... Wait a minute. Sawyer was doing something... his voice... it was as if whatever he said, it must be the truth. That was quite a trick. For a moment there, I was ready to believe that the house I lived in was actually vacant!
I watched in awe as Sawyer began gesturing and yelling to the crowd. I don't remember what he said exactly, but it sounded completely plausible. He spouted city ordinances and proper procedures and after being put in their place, the utility company employees were shuffling back to their trucks and several people in the crowd were nodding at the Captain in agreement, that Yes... of course the house was vacant.
An SFPD cruiser pulled up in front. Two officers got out and began assisting in dispersing the crowd. Most turned obediently and started home.
Except for the Hunter. He looked past Sawyer, through the gate and somehow...he saw me. He looked RIGHT at me. "If YOU aren't going to do something... I will," he said, and with a determined look the Hunter shoved past Sawyer and headed for my gate. I instinctively backed away.
Sawyer set his jaw and swept his leg and knocked the man to the ground, "SON of a ... " he muttered, slapping cuffs on him and hauling him to his feet before shoving him to one of the other officers. "Book him for... shit. Obstruction and assaulting an officer..."
I was... so grateful. It had been such a horrible night. Such an achingly miserable night and Travis Sawyer once again saved our asses. As the police cruiser pulled away, followed by the utility vehicles. Sawyer moved to his car and paused a moment to look at me through the closed gate. His expression was harsh and unforgiving, but even that didn't detract from what he'd just done.
He got into the Lotus and gunned the engine, pulling off. I turned to go back to the house when suddenly all the streetlights came on. Our house was still dark. I was guessing that Jason had thrown the breaker to make our house appear to be without power, too.
Walking back a mind numbing thought came to me.
Kevin. His uncanny way of knowing things that he couldn't possibly know. Naomi was like a mother to him. We had to get to him before he fell asleep and his dreams told him before we could.
I broke into a run.
Loss is a four letter word that in no way truly describes the emptiness that encompasses this house tonight. It feels as if someone has reached through my chest and pulled my intestines through a small hole where my heart used to be.
Death is a five letter word with three letters in the middle that describes exactly what it will do. It will eat the heart that creates the hole, through which one's insides can be dragged. This is not a process that is over with quickly... but one that with each moment that passes... intensifies in the pain and agony of the removal of vital organs. It goes on and on until you are certain there is no more inside you that can possibly be ripped out... and then a memory flickers. A thought passes. A tear falls... and the process starts anew.
Earl is gone.
Naomi is gone.
Dade is gone.
Their initials spell the word END. Which is a three letter word that means final... which is appropo don't you think?
But I'm not thinking. I can't think any more. The deaths of these three people seem meaningless. We were supposed to save the world and we cannot even manage to save ourSELVES? How fucked up is that?
I went downstairs after Tumbler's concert to Dade pushing Earl into the computer room. I thought... Dade?? Here? I knew there was something wrong with this picture and ran downstairs to get Marcus. He was sleeping and I woke him and told him what I saw. He said what I already knew... "That doesn't sound good."
When we both got back upstairs, we saw Dade attack Earl, shoving him into Godhammer. Marcus said something like "No, not yet..." or "it's not ready..." as if this was something he'd expected but just not this soon. There was a flash of light and Earl was consumed by the virtual generator. Daren tried to stop him and was viciously attacked."Godhammer..." he didn't finish. Marcus ran to the computer console and began typing madly. He was hurt... how did Marcus get hurt?
I couldn't breathe. Should I try to help Earl? Should I try to help Daren? Marcus? I was in shock... it was like everything was happening in slow motion and yet at light speed at the same time.
I felt Earl's presence still around us... but he was no longer *with us* if that makes any sense. He was now a part of Godhammer. Powering it? Feeding it? I don't know. Daren was fighting with Dade, who had a crazed look upon his face. I knew Dade was technically insane... but I never in a million years thought he was capable of doing something like this. His thought processes, though a little odd, seemed more methodical than violent... and yet here he was... sticking his silvery thumbs into Daren's... eyes.
Oh God.
There was a scream. I really don't know if it was me that made the noise or it came from Naomi, who stood at the door of the computer room. We both watched in horror as the Horus sigils on Daren's body glowed and from the glow, formed the outlight of Daren's avatar. It battled fiercely and before we could blink, had reduced Dade to a pile of ash. Daren slumped to the ground. Naomi and I reached Daren's still form at the same time.
Naomi was sobbing, "We're losing him..." She opened the unhealed wounds on her palms and attempted to heal him as I traced the sigils on his skin and concentrated on his spirit... which I saw leaving his body. I had to somehow pull it back. The words that left my mouth were an Egyption prayer to Anubis, begging him to send back the spirit before his deeds were weighed against his heart. If Daren crossed over, no amount of healing would help him. The body would have nothing to animate it.
I tried not to look at his face... the pools of silver in the empty sockets where his eyes used to be. Before he was blinded by Dade.
"El eyah sekt Anubi - Pharoah desectu nuit - Herus mey. Clev ya juru ptah undekt neht. Nephtemtu neht heer. Juru Ba entu nephrotep neht leahtaymet. Aturu ytanl Anubis. Eyah sekt Horus haeri outeh. Neht leimmati bukr uufak eeh lurah. Mau Horus cuotlrah Ka mohr ne-Nuit."
(translation)
"Anubis... director of death and darkness... hear me. Hold still his judgement for his time is not right. The eternal does not call him. Bid his ba to return as his journey here is not yet complete. Please Great Anubis. Horus himself has claimed this one. Take him not to his father who wills his Ka to fight still on this world."
Naomi was pouring every drop of blood she could into Daren's open wounds, mingling the sanguine fluid with tears of misery. The love I saw in her eyes made my heart ache. I repeated the prayer to Anubis once again... forcefully. Now not asking anymore but almost demanding my will be done. I continued to trace the patterns on his skin. I saw them begin to glow again. Could it be working?
Jason asked us to step back for a moment. As our resident doctor and an incredibly talented mage in the sphere of Life, we did so. He put his hands to Daren's chest, using them like electrically charged paddles, attempting to shock his heart into starting. I saw the spirit that was trying so desperately to cling to Daren's body... slipping further and further away as it failed to work. Naomi sobbed and held Daren to her, unmindful of the electrical current that still swam through his body. She put her hands over his sightless sockets, and set her jaw.
What I saw in her overbright green eyes was the realization that all other avenues had been exhausted. It was then I knew exactly what she was planning to do. Sacrifice herself for the life of the man she loved. I tried to pull her away, but she shoved me off.
"NO!" she said, "It's all I have... All that I have is his."
And she gave it without another thought... and when she was drained...slumped to Daren's side in a limp heap. As she died...the sigils on his body lit up like fire. When Daren opened his eyes, they were bright green. Naomi's final gift to him. Her vision... and her place in the Wheel.
Daren slowly sat up and froze when he saw Naomi's body beside him. The look on his face was a mixture of misery and regret. He gathered her close to him and buried his face in her hair.
I scooted back on the floor, unable to speak but for incoherent mews as I fought to keep the tears back.
It is amazing the things you think about during a tense moment like this.
Who would take care of us and reassure us that we are on the right path? Who would make sure we remembered to eat? Remember to sleep? Who would teach us the rest of what we had only started to learn? Who would burn the scented candles to lift our spirits, offer advice when we were confused? Though I had known each of them less than 6 months, I considered them family and the thought of them not being around anymore was devastating.
Behind me, Marcus fell from the computer chair... exhausted and unconscious. At my sharp intake of breath, Jason moved toward Marcus and checked his vitals as Daren lifted Naomi up and carried her out back, to the shrine Mr. Ramses had set up for his daughter.
That was odd. With all that has gone on, I hadn't thought about him until now. Just where is Mr. Ramses?
I left the computer room as Jason was looking after Marcus and making ready to move him upstairs to the NY room. I walked slowly toward the front door. When I opened it, I saw Arthur.
The old man had risen from his rocker, holding tightly to his cane with his gnarled black hands. He extended one to me and I hugged him close. As his arms closed around me, I began to sob.
I didn't need to say a word. He knew. Arthur always knew these things before anyone told him. He just held me until my tears lessened and he asked, "Where's that boy?"
I told him I saw Daren heading in the back toward the shrine and he moved to the stairs. "Let's go then."
Arthur didn't leave the porch.
Usually.
I'd seen him do it on two occasions and both were dire circumstances. This was no exception, I suppose.
I helped the old man to the back yard where Daren was embracing Naomi. I noticed tendrils of leaves, grass and roots closing around her ankles and waist. The earth wanted her. Gaia was calling her daughter home. Daren pulled at her frantically, cutting the branches and leaves with his bare hands. More came and they were stronger.
"NO!" he growled... "NO! You can't have her... "
I tried to reason with him...but in his grief he was not seeing reason. He only saw the woman he loved, who had made the ultimate sacrifice for him... being taken away. Daren knew better but his heart was so full of her... he couldn't see that what he held was just a shell. An empty shell of her existence.
"She loved the earth... she would want to be here, Daren..." I said.
He finally relinquished her, watching as the ground swallowed what was left of Naomi. The grass grew instantly greener and little flowers sprouted before our eyes. As Daren stood, Arthur held a hand out to him. I got up and moved a bit away to give them privacy.
I don't know what was said, but knowing Arthur it would be to the point, caring and wise. Daren needed him. I starting toward the front of the house. Seeing flashing yellow lights, I broke into a run.
Jason came out onto the front porch as I reached the steps telling me that Marcus was in pretty bad shape but he would make it... I was relieved and noticed that he, too, was drawn to the flashing lights, which turned out to be utility trucks. Then it hit both of us at the same time: All the lights in the neighborhood were out... except ours.
"Shit..." he began and ran into the house. Seconds later, our house lights all went off at the same time. Smart, I thought.
I walked down the driveway, keeping in the shadow of the property wall. On the other side I heard people yelling that that problem was our doing... that we had power and no one else did. That it had to be our fault. The neighborhood watch /slash/ hunter's guild was accumulating a lynch mob.
We really didn't need this right now. I started to panic... They were going to storm a house full of grieving people. We would be no match for them now. We would all die.
Then over the cries of an angry crowd was the familiar sound of a sports car driving up.
A Black Lotus.
Oh this just gets better and better...
I drew close to the wall, putting my back to it so that I could angle my view and see out, but still manage to remain in shadow. I noted the lock on the gate was secure. Not that it would hold them for long. I was the first line of defense and I readied myself for the onslaught that was to come.
"What the HELL is going ON here?" Captain Sawyer demanded, flashing his badge. He was addressing the foreman of the Bayside Power Company.
"We have a suspicious outage and were investigating..."
"It is NOT your job to investigate...it's your job to FIX the problem. Have you fixed the problem?"
"Nnno...sir... these people are telling us that this house..."
The foreman was interrupted by the Hunter from the neighborhood watch, "The people who live here have been nothing but trouble. We KNOW they caused it. They had lights when no one else did. They are somehow..."
"THIS house?" Sawyer growled, "THIS house? You moron... THIS HOUSE is vacant... "
I thought to myself... of course this house is vacant... there are no lights... the grass is a little overgrown... no cars in the drive... wait. There is a car now that I think about it... Wait a minute. Sawyer was doing something... his voice... it was as if whatever he said, it must be the truth. That was quite a trick. For a moment there, I was ready to believe that the house I lived in was actually vacant!
I watched in awe as Sawyer began gesturing and yelling to the crowd. I don't remember what he said exactly, but it sounded completely plausible. He spouted city ordinances and proper procedures and after being put in their place, the utility company employees were shuffling back to their trucks and several people in the crowd were nodding at the Captain in agreement, that Yes... of course the house was vacant.
An SFPD cruiser pulled up in front. Two officers got out and began assisting in dispersing the crowd. Most turned obediently and started home.
Except for the Hunter. He looked past Sawyer, through the gate and somehow...he saw me. He looked RIGHT at me. "If YOU aren't going to do something... I will," he said, and with a determined look the Hunter shoved past Sawyer and headed for my gate. I instinctively backed away.
Sawyer set his jaw and swept his leg and knocked the man to the ground, "SON of a ... " he muttered, slapping cuffs on him and hauling him to his feet before shoving him to one of the other officers. "Book him for... shit. Obstruction and assaulting an officer..."
I was... so grateful. It had been such a horrible night. Such an achingly miserable night and Travis Sawyer once again saved our asses. As the police cruiser pulled away, followed by the utility vehicles. Sawyer moved to his car and paused a moment to look at me through the closed gate. His expression was harsh and unforgiving, but even that didn't detract from what he'd just done.
He got into the Lotus and gunned the engine, pulling off. I turned to go back to the house when suddenly all the streetlights came on. Our house was still dark. I was guessing that Jason had thrown the breaker to make our house appear to be without power, too.
Walking back a mind numbing thought came to me.
Kevin. His uncanny way of knowing things that he couldn't possibly know. Naomi was like a mother to him. We had to get to him before he fell asleep and his dreams told him before we could.
I broke into a run.