(no subject)
so----this is my book-------my story---------from beginning to end--------starting today--------that is what this lj is for-------be warned though---------my dear oprah--------that we studied in pyschology that sometimes our minds insert things------imagines things------fills in the cracks in the puzzle--------so if its not true-------then its because of that-------i mean no two peopel will remember one thing eexactly the same as eah other------i mean------if someone robs a bank and the people in there are asked wha thappened------all the details may be different------from everywhere-------i say all that to point out and say that this is my memory-----the way i remember it-------if there are tiny details that are deranged-----then i apologize--------that is the disclaimer to my book--------and also to say------that if anyone steals this and makes amovie or book-------and gets paid trillions--------i will curse them to die-------so beware----muha------okay------on with the story------oh wait-------another disclaimer-----um-------parts of this are going to actually be my book that is not true-------but i;l'l say which parts are what------okay-------so it starts------laying on the bed---------looking at theceiling------feeling the blankets beneath you--------feeling how they feel--------like some fiber sinthetic-----nothing breathable like cotton or wool--------no they are something related to plastic--------something-------that when you wash it-------your never quite sure if they are clean-------or ifthe dryer will melt them---------the blanket---------has plastic thread--------part of it unraveled--------and if you have it turned the wrong waty=--------the plastic thread that is oh so long and curly-------it will tickle you and you will sware its a spider or some creepy crawely------but today--------its okay--------because your so aware--------you feel the cloth on your skin----------panties-------feel like a piece of your skin too tight-------because everything is extra sensative-----elastic of the waste cutting in you-------the croch is drawing up to much-----it feels so tight like camel toes------but its not-------it just-------is too sensative today------breathing-------feeling oyour bra------touching you-------coving your most privates-----and-----the air-----feeled with that melted blanket dryer smell--------ashtray on your chest-------yes------you are wearing nothing more-------because you got out ofthe shower-------oh wait-----theres a towel in your hair------WeLL my hair------bugt your me when you read this--------the towel is hot pink------because i picked it out-------its mine------and so thick--------and absorbant-------but hurts your neck when its on your head--------so your laying on the bed-------neck-------in a crick-------being pulled by this huge thing------ashtray on chest------did i already say that------oh yeah-----WeLL ashtray--------cigarette in hand--------the ashtray is wooden-------and shapped like a pinappel-------from hawaii--------nad---------its old and been blacked inside from tons of cigarettes being put out in it--------and you just lay htere--------feeling the air around your thighs-------and you feel------sexual--------but your alone---------with your cigarette---------breathing the smoke deepily inside your lungs---------but your just sexual-------clean and sexual-------but your alone--------------but there are steel hands touching you--------there are steel someones chest pressed hard agasint yours-------laying between your thighs------pressing------so deep-----------the skin on your face feels tight--------from being washed too hard------and pulled hard by the tight towel---------and you smoke-------lay there and just smoke--------trying to see how long the ashes can get without falling-------until they fall on your face--------and you think of the time you were so drunk on vodka------and smokeing--------and the cherry from the cigarette fell on your eye-------and you didnt even know--------andthen you puked on justin--------and you lay there-------and feel sexual---------and you feel your bones-------and suck in-------so that your ribs poke out more---------and your hip bones--------stick out more---------if onoly it was like this--------when you sat up----------and you smoke------and think-------feeling your tight face and smelling your plastic melted blankets--------and look around at your own walls like they aren't your own--------and you wander who you are--------and how you got here-------and whose body your in--------and your hand is not your own--------and you feel the pineapple ashtray laying on you------and you feel the bra pulling under your breasts--------and you feel sexual-------the cigarette it looks see thorugh-------like a ghost--------and not real--------and you try to figure out if your here-------and you take the smok in your lungs-----------and its the only thing that feels at home--------and you breath-----and close your eyes-----until they burn with the wetnest-------its your tears--------running into your eares--------we hate that feeling--------wet ears-------in fact-------dont touch our ears with anything--------in fact--------should we cut them off--------should we cry--------o r drown-----------this is the beginning--------and this is true-------and it happened today-------the next part----------goes into not true--------so you open your phone-------youve waned for so long--------and you start to text someone------but realize you can take a picture-------so you take one-------of yourself laying there--------the main thing for covering is the bulky pineapple between your breasts---------and the bra---------and panties--------and the hot pink towel-------and you look at yourself---------and feel rebeilsious------to be continued