The Mary's and the Magdalene's
Suki and her boyfriend has been invited to one of the (many) inaugural balls. This is exciting for them. Apparently Cap'n never went to his senior prom - something about him being some sort of genius and already in his sophomore year of college during his senior year of HS. For Suki it's the same as it is for most any other girl: the chance to get all dolled up and put on a fancy dress is fun. Also, it means you get to go shopping for a new dress. This was around the time when I needed to buy a dress for the now infamous wedding, and neither Suki nor I have bought a formal since our senior proms (which we did go to). Needless to say we preferred to go shopping over revisiting the (now terrible) prom fashions of our past. So we picked a free Saturday and headed out to Tyson's Corner. Tyson's is by far the largest mall in our area, and a rather high-end one at that. If you want designer clothes you go to Tyson's, so we were expecting some fabulous fashions. We figured this year would probably be better than most considering the fact that the majority of people in this area are on the market for some sort of breathtaking garment to wear to one of these balls. We were absolutely shocked at what we found.
Apparently designers have decided that this winter everything will come down to the Marys. Every dress we found was designed to make a woman look like the Mother Superior or the Whore of Babylon. The Mother Superior dresses weren't all that interesting. After mocking one or two of them all the jokes began sounding the same, so we moved on. The Whore of Babylon dresses, however, were quite a spectacle. Designers gave us the parade of the ages. There were slutty swingers, harlot hipsters, and about a thousand other varieties of alliterated ways to dress a woman up as a lady of the night. Neither one of us were willing to be seen on camera with the immoral-mod dress, but here some of the real gems of the day.
This was the first we found. At first we didn't think it was so bad. Then Suki tried it on and we discovered that not only does the dress require massive amounts of double-sided tape, but it almost guarantees a Britney moment when getting out of the car.
Yup. This dress is basically a censor bar. And yes, that is a giant light-reflective button right in between the boobs. Awesome.
There it is folks. The slutty swinger of our age. And even better, it only comes in one color: whorepink!
Mommy, mommy, the '80's threw up on me!
We're still not entirely sure this isn't a misplace shirt. An entire rack of ugly misplaced shirts....
That skirt is made out of tissue paper! I think this designer was trying to cut down women's time in the bathroom.
But this was the real star of the day. At first glance we both thought this dress was a standard "little black dress." Then we looked closer and discovered it's actually the mullet of the dress world. It's all business on the outside...
And Party on the Inside! OH YEAH!
In case you're interested, this one also comes in harlot-red.
Apparently designers have decided that this winter everything will come down to the Marys. Every dress we found was designed to make a woman look like the Mother Superior or the Whore of Babylon. The Mother Superior dresses weren't all that interesting. After mocking one or two of them all the jokes began sounding the same, so we moved on. The Whore of Babylon dresses, however, were quite a spectacle. Designers gave us the parade of the ages. There were slutty swingers, harlot hipsters, and about a thousand other varieties of alliterated ways to dress a woman up as a lady of the night. Neither one of us were willing to be seen on camera with the immoral-mod dress, but here some of the real gems of the day.
This was the first we found. At first we didn't think it was so bad. Then Suki tried it on and we discovered that not only does the dress require massive amounts of double-sided tape, but it almost guarantees a Britney moment when getting out of the car.
Yup. This dress is basically a censor bar. And yes, that is a giant light-reflective button right in between the boobs. Awesome.
There it is folks. The slutty swinger of our age. And even better, it only comes in one color: whorepink!
Mommy, mommy, the '80's threw up on me!
We're still not entirely sure this isn't a misplace shirt. An entire rack of ugly misplaced shirts....
That skirt is made out of tissue paper! I think this designer was trying to cut down women's time in the bathroom.
But this was the real star of the day. At first glance we both thought this dress was a standard "little black dress." Then we looked closer and discovered it's actually the mullet of the dress world. It's all business on the outside...
And Party on the Inside! OH YEAH!
In case you're interested, this one also comes in harlot-red.