Out of Rowling's Hands

[amberdulen]

Moved to Livejournal from the RFF because I think it would be fun.

In a discussion about Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, DBIII said:

I want to see Book 6 as written by George R. R. Martin...Harry and Ron die in a grisly attack on the train in Chapter 2, and the rest of the story is Hermione learning how to use sex to dominate Snape.I

Comments

[amberdulen]

Well then:

Book 6 by Jean M. Auel

I did: Jean Auel.

Chapter one:

- Hermione and Ron fight over the pain of bringing Crookshanks; they make up after an hour long fight, and "share pleasures." (Read: Erotic sex).

Chapter two:

- Ron asks Merlinoi why he is such a sex-obsessed jerk.

- Harry vents to Ron; Ron pats him on the back, and then has sex with Hermione after she is done inventing the giant telescope.

Chapter three:

- Hermione invents the wizard-style phone; Ron is so proud of her that he treats her to a "pleasing delight."

Chapter four:

- Dean hits on Hermione; Ginny swears revenge, but it is no problem, because Ron beats Dean up anyway. Pleasures ensue.

Chapter five:

- Harry dies because he is eaten by a crumpled-horn snorkack, which turns out to be real. Hermione and Ron comfort one another and end up... you guessed it!

Chapter six:

- Hermione defeats Voldemort by setting Crookshanks after him. More sex.

Chapter seven:

- Pomfrey tells Hermione she has special powers.

Chapter eight:

- Hermione and Seamus kiss; Ron finds out, screams at Hermione for twenty minutes, and then kicks the door until his foot breaks.

Chapter nine:

- Hermione and Ron make up; the usual erotic love scene takes place.

Chapter ten:

- The story ends without the readers really being sure of what the last line meant. And, of course, sex.

[aerden]

*giggles helplesly!* That was beautiful!

[madamevoilanska]

If this were even more like Auel, there would be a rape scene. :)