Can you feel the thunder that's breaking?
Have you ever woken up from a dream that seem so real to you you weren't quite sure if it happened or not? I had one very recently that was just like that where you actually felt it so deeply and it seemed so real that you actually experienced the physicalness of it. I remember my dreams sometimes with great, vivid detail and what follows below is no exception. It's raw, it's personal, and it's hard to put it down.
The dream started with me being at work doing usual work things. Then there were three people in front of me, two HR folks and Crush. They had come to collect me as it was my time to be let go. I was led down the corridor into an empty conference room overlooking the pond. I knew what was coming as I was told to sit down. Two ducks were swimming outside. I focused on them swimming about and diving for food. One of the HR guys started telling me that I was being let go and the reasons that followed it which I barely heard but acknowledged. My eyes wandered over to Crush and he was looking down awkwardly. I felt panicked and devastated, wanting to beg for them to keep me. My whole demeanor was sinking. But I simply thanked them for the opportunities that were given to me during my time there. As this little meeting was wrapping up, I was to be escorted out, I requested to the HR's if I could have a minute alone with Crush. I said that I just needed a minute to tell him something privately. The HRs looked at each other, a silent question they asked each other if I was safe enough to be trusted. Then, they looked at Crush and he nodded yes. I watched them go through the door as they waited on the other side. I looked up at Crush and quietly asked, "Would you kiss me, just this once?" He looked perplexed that I was asking this at this point in time. I quickly added "Because I know that I'll never see you again." He replied in a low, quiet tone, "You don't know that." And I said, "I do know. I know how this plays out." I arose from the chair. "Please?" I pleaded. Hot tears were slowly filling my eyes. I moved toward him, meeting his eyes, and he reached up and slowly brushed away a tear running down my cheek. He brought his hands up to my neck and with his thumbs gently under my chin pushed my face up to his. Our lips touched, tasting each other, soft and lingering and sensual as I had always imagined. A first kiss and the final kiss. I felt myself start to tremble and his arms pulled me close to him. He spoke my name quietly. My arm circled around him feeling the muscles of his back and with my head pressed against his chest I could hear his heartbeat so strong. So much to say and no time to say anything. Not that words mattered now. I murmured, "Thank you, Crush" as I slid out of his grasp turning as my hand ran down the length of his arm to his hand as my fingers slid across his into nothingness. I grabbed the paperwork on the table that I was given and went through the door not looking back. Tears started to pour out of my eyes. I was escorted by the other 2 HRs down and out the door. And that's when I woke up.
I awoke sobbing out of this dream, continued to sob, still feeling his arms around me. I laid there a long time. A hot mess of raw emotions. A feeling now that I can't quite shake. A loss, a fear, a foreboding - someone else who I know I'll lose through time eventually.
The dream started with me being at work doing usual work things. Then there were three people in front of me, two HR folks and Crush. They had come to collect me as it was my time to be let go. I was led down the corridor into an empty conference room overlooking the pond. I knew what was coming as I was told to sit down. Two ducks were swimming outside. I focused on them swimming about and diving for food. One of the HR guys started telling me that I was being let go and the reasons that followed it which I barely heard but acknowledged. My eyes wandered over to Crush and he was looking down awkwardly. I felt panicked and devastated, wanting to beg for them to keep me. My whole demeanor was sinking. But I simply thanked them for the opportunities that were given to me during my time there. As this little meeting was wrapping up, I was to be escorted out, I requested to the HR's if I could have a minute alone with Crush. I said that I just needed a minute to tell him something privately. The HRs looked at each other, a silent question they asked each other if I was safe enough to be trusted. Then, they looked at Crush and he nodded yes. I watched them go through the door as they waited on the other side. I looked up at Crush and quietly asked, "Would you kiss me, just this once?" He looked perplexed that I was asking this at this point in time. I quickly added "Because I know that I'll never see you again." He replied in a low, quiet tone, "You don't know that." And I said, "I do know. I know how this plays out." I arose from the chair. "Please?" I pleaded. Hot tears were slowly filling my eyes. I moved toward him, meeting his eyes, and he reached up and slowly brushed away a tear running down my cheek. He brought his hands up to my neck and with his thumbs gently under my chin pushed my face up to his. Our lips touched, tasting each other, soft and lingering and sensual as I had always imagined. A first kiss and the final kiss. I felt myself start to tremble and his arms pulled me close to him. He spoke my name quietly. My arm circled around him feeling the muscles of his back and with my head pressed against his chest I could hear his heartbeat so strong. So much to say and no time to say anything. Not that words mattered now. I murmured, "Thank you, Crush" as I slid out of his grasp turning as my hand ran down the length of his arm to his hand as my fingers slid across his into nothingness. I grabbed the paperwork on the table that I was given and went through the door not looking back. Tears started to pour out of my eyes. I was escorted by the other 2 HRs down and out the door. And that's when I woke up.
I awoke sobbing out of this dream, continued to sob, still feeling his arms around me. I laid there a long time. A hot mess of raw emotions. A feeling now that I can't quite shake. A loss, a fear, a foreboding - someone else who I know I'll lose through time eventually.