depressed and attracted to the opposite sex and book deals
Hey LJ,
So today was spent reclusively. I called Adam and talked to him for a while about how his date went with Ellie and tortured him by complaining about my period. He got me back by telling his parents I was on the rag and mentioning to anyone that would listen my parents absurd theory that I'm a lesbian. The whole lesbian theory doesn't add up, I get all hot and bothered just by looking at a picture of Johnny Depp and harbor strong feelings for the lead singer of the killers... he's too hot. Yeah, a pattern may be noticed about how the guys that I listed are all unattainable and unaquaintable to me. Its not to say that I haven't been attracted to guys more closer to me geographically its just that theres the whole mess of the real world vs. the escapist make beleive world Johnny and Brandon live in. In the make beleive world its safe to fanasize about a guy because he "turns me on" because he can be anything I want him to be. In the real world I feel like I'm surrounded by uncompatible guys, most of whom seem to be on some kind of narcotic, alcoholic fix, or have attitude goneria (might as well compare it to a std, its about as attractive). Theres been one reliable guy in my life but theres a difference between best friend and boyfriend. I need a guy whose sensitive, charming, intelligent, compassionate, whose not addicted or on narrcotics/ alcohol, strong, and accepting. Oh yeah, the whole mutual attraction and interest should definately be there or I'd either have a gay friend or just plain straight friend. So anyway steering clear of my likes moonlight walks on a beach spiel, today was a rather domestic one. I did not once leave my house but on several occasions opened the fridge door. I've working on my colleage thirty without actually being in colleage. Its a way I work through my depression. I eat. Its not very healthy. It the trend continues as it has I'll be the next kristie allie. I'm a melanchotic addict at times. I picked out all of my eye lashes. I'm really depressed. Its bareable and thankfully not too tinged with loneliness. *Breathes out heavilly and snorts and satirically inward taunts the heavy breathing out*. Josh turned 14 a few days ago, I managed as in tradition, to miss the celebrations by playing ddr w/ adam and escaping to eastern (not ohio), all parties were pleased with my absence at the festivities. I want to write but can't. I was in the pre-writing, brainstorming, researching, compiling, beginning drafts stage when my weaknesses came to clear to step around. I want to be a writer of teen fanasy. Right now I'm not equiped to be. I need many classes on psychology, philosophy, history... to answer the questions I've been asking during the pre-writing processes, the wrighting-creating process. I can't construct without it. I've been studying publishing houses on book ends. If I run across a name I don't know I research it. Chicken house is a division of scholastics., for example. Mr. Keys told me about how the publishing houses are condensing. I've noticed subdivisions of scholastics and randomhouse, there like these monolithic structures. I wanted to work at a publishing company but it doesn't seem like it'd be what I romantasized of a network that consisted of real people that I'd see and interact with, cozy and friendly enough to know most personaly and share the same love of reading, writing. More truly its a place where economics play best. I'm not into that corprate scene. I don't want to contribute to turning writers into dollar signs and treating there sales as the most important thing. Mrs. Pearson predicted the rise of e-books in the future and internet publications. She suggested that I get into computers. I think I'll take her advice. I'm planing on majoring in english (not education) and minoring in philosophy. Its safe to say my job oppertunities will be limited. Anything that gives me an edge is probably welcome. Last semester of high school doth approach... I embrace it with open arms. I need to graduate soon. The whole being ruled by the edicts of the educational system, at least at high school level, is not for me. Underworld 2 out friday...work with in hours...no sleep...i'm always sleeping anyway...bella-luna and summer-solstice.
So today was spent reclusively. I called Adam and talked to him for a while about how his date went with Ellie and tortured him by complaining about my period. He got me back by telling his parents I was on the rag and mentioning to anyone that would listen my parents absurd theory that I'm a lesbian. The whole lesbian theory doesn't add up, I get all hot and bothered just by looking at a picture of Johnny Depp and harbor strong feelings for the lead singer of the killers... he's too hot. Yeah, a pattern may be noticed about how the guys that I listed are all unattainable and unaquaintable to me. Its not to say that I haven't been attracted to guys more closer to me geographically its just that theres the whole mess of the real world vs. the escapist make beleive world Johnny and Brandon live in. In the make beleive world its safe to fanasize about a guy because he "turns me on" because he can be anything I want him to be. In the real world I feel like I'm surrounded by uncompatible guys, most of whom seem to be on some kind of narcotic, alcoholic fix, or have attitude goneria (might as well compare it to a std, its about as attractive). Theres been one reliable guy in my life but theres a difference between best friend and boyfriend. I need a guy whose sensitive, charming, intelligent, compassionate, whose not addicted or on narrcotics/ alcohol, strong, and accepting. Oh yeah, the whole mutual attraction and interest should definately be there or I'd either have a gay friend or just plain straight friend. So anyway steering clear of my likes moonlight walks on a beach spiel, today was a rather domestic one. I did not once leave my house but on several occasions opened the fridge door. I've working on my colleage thirty without actually being in colleage. Its a way I work through my depression. I eat. Its not very healthy. It the trend continues as it has I'll be the next kristie allie. I'm a melanchotic addict at times. I picked out all of my eye lashes. I'm really depressed. Its bareable and thankfully not too tinged with loneliness. *Breathes out heavilly and snorts and satirically inward taunts the heavy breathing out*. Josh turned 14 a few days ago, I managed as in tradition, to miss the celebrations by playing ddr w/ adam and escaping to eastern (not ohio), all parties were pleased with my absence at the festivities. I want to write but can't. I was in the pre-writing, brainstorming, researching, compiling, beginning drafts stage when my weaknesses came to clear to step around. I want to be a writer of teen fanasy. Right now I'm not equiped to be. I need many classes on psychology, philosophy, history... to answer the questions I've been asking during the pre-writing processes, the wrighting-creating process. I can't construct without it. I've been studying publishing houses on book ends. If I run across a name I don't know I research it. Chicken house is a division of scholastics., for example. Mr. Keys told me about how the publishing houses are condensing. I've noticed subdivisions of scholastics and randomhouse, there like these monolithic structures. I wanted to work at a publishing company but it doesn't seem like it'd be what I romantasized of a network that consisted of real people that I'd see and interact with, cozy and friendly enough to know most personaly and share the same love of reading, writing. More truly its a place where economics play best. I'm not into that corprate scene. I don't want to contribute to turning writers into dollar signs and treating there sales as the most important thing. Mrs. Pearson predicted the rise of e-books in the future and internet publications. She suggested that I get into computers. I think I'll take her advice. I'm planing on majoring in english (not education) and minoring in philosophy. Its safe to say my job oppertunities will be limited. Anything that gives me an edge is probably welcome. Last semester of high school doth approach... I embrace it with open arms. I need to graduate soon. The whole being ruled by the edicts of the educational system, at least at high school level, is not for me. Underworld 2 out friday...work with in hours...no sleep...i'm always sleeping anyway...bella-luna and summer-solstice.