thunder in my head
... boo...
staying here for dinner.. frustrated at the present moment. no. not frustrated. tired. confused. grr..
"what's gonna happen... when i see you?" he asks..
i dont even want to think about it. i'm not even sure what i want. part of me wants to maintain my distance, but the other part of me hopes that maybe he will go out of his way to see me. to make me feel his love. liek i always say "flowers, candy, Diamonds!!"
either way.. then what would i do?
so he comes up with this grand scheme of "get amber back" so what? would i let him... i wouldnt know. all i know is that he has never had to prove to me that he cares or really done anything that's like "hey, i fucking love you. i love you so much i did ______ for you. " he has never had to go out of his way to love me. that's my fault. i shouldnt've taken him back so easily the first time. the whole thing just makes me feel uncomfortable.
i want my best friend.
sometimes i want my boyfriend.
did i ever really have him?
...idunno. i'll cross that bridge when i get there. i have standards and i have no choice but to accept friendship and that i may never have what i dream of. i have to accept that sometimes things wont go my way. i need to accept it. i can't fight what happens. i cant undo the past or make the future happen. i will deal with it if i need to.
oh goodness. thank god this is all i have in my life to stress me out. this is totally do-able.
thank god i have friends that care about me.
thank god i have a true sense of support.
thank god.
i'll cross taht bridge when i get there. that's all i can say. no worries today. no worries.
staying here for dinner.. frustrated at the present moment. no. not frustrated. tired. confused. grr..
"what's gonna happen... when i see you?" he asks..
i dont even want to think about it. i'm not even sure what i want. part of me wants to maintain my distance, but the other part of me hopes that maybe he will go out of his way to see me. to make me feel his love. liek i always say "flowers, candy, Diamonds!!"
either way.. then what would i do?
so he comes up with this grand scheme of "get amber back" so what? would i let him... i wouldnt know. all i know is that he has never had to prove to me that he cares or really done anything that's like "hey, i fucking love you. i love you so much i did ______ for you. " he has never had to go out of his way to love me. that's my fault. i shouldnt've taken him back so easily the first time. the whole thing just makes me feel uncomfortable.
i want my best friend.
sometimes i want my boyfriend.
did i ever really have him?
...idunno. i'll cross that bridge when i get there. i have standards and i have no choice but to accept friendship and that i may never have what i dream of. i have to accept that sometimes things wont go my way. i need to accept it. i can't fight what happens. i cant undo the past or make the future happen. i will deal with it if i need to.
oh goodness. thank god this is all i have in my life to stress me out. this is totally do-able.
thank god i have friends that care about me.
thank god i have a true sense of support.
thank god.
i'll cross taht bridge when i get there. that's all i can say. no worries today. no worries.