Insecurity is the special of the day.

[amazonstarpixi]

I have been thinking a lot about my flaws lately. About how I can fix them. I'm patient with others but not with myself. So, sometimes I rush when there is no need to. And it often causes me to make a stupid mistake that could have been avoided, had I just slowed down a bit. Or how I dwell on things for so long that I'm not sure how to move on from them. I over-analyze my flaws, misdeeds and such until they are monstrosities in my mind. Giving them more power, thus only making them worse. If I would have just accepted & learned from them, I would have been able to control them and grow. I guess acceptance is the most important factor to all of this, but it's hard for me to accept all sides on myself. It's always one at a time and never long enough to sink in. Maybe that's why it's so hard to accept that people like me for who I am. I always doubt it, thinking "If they really knew me, they wouldn't." But that is where the problem lies, I never give them the option to know me that well. And if they get close, I run. And I know I'm too closed off, but it's hard for me to be so vulnerable and exposed. Too afraid to let people see me as I am and show them my weakness.

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Random thought:
Q : If you were having the sweetest dream and were given the option of staying in that lovely dream and being happy, or waking up to face the unknown and possibly harsh reality, which would you choose?
A: I know that a dream is a dream and reality is reality, but aren't they both truth? Don't you have reactions, emotions and sensations either way? A dream is reality to the dreamer....