(no subject)
When you fight for three years, you get used to the aspects of it. The secret keeping. The sudden pounding rush of adrenaline. The constant thrum of fear under your skin. The exhaustion. The rage. The helplessness and the power.
There are different kinds of 'get used to,' though.
There's the kind where, free of those constraints, you can relax. It never leaves entirely, but it ebbs. You don't miss it exactly but you recognize that you could go back to it in a heartbeat, if you needed to - and you tell yourself you don't want to.
There's another kind. Less readily admitted to.
The kind where you relax immediately. And slowly, surely, the thrum under your skin comes back. But the fear has a different flavor this time around, more restless than anything else.
The nice thing is, the solution is obvious.
The bad thing is, it's a solution you can't admit to.
Rachel does a lot of things to channel that thrum. Waking at dawn. Gymnastics routines. Runs around the lake. Training with the punching bag. Reading with Tobias. Talking, talking, talking to people. Morphing for fun.
But they're only channels, and none of them for much purpose.
There's only one thing that's given her true relaxation, release, since Milliways.
An afternoon walk in Milliways' forest and Rachel finds herself standing before a tall rock face, more than a hill but not quite a mountain. An opening several feet taller than she is - a rock cave.
Carved into the stone, a symbol she won't readily forget.
"...Daedalus."
There are different kinds of 'get used to,' though.
There's the kind where, free of those constraints, you can relax. It never leaves entirely, but it ebbs. You don't miss it exactly but you recognize that you could go back to it in a heartbeat, if you needed to - and you tell yourself you don't want to.
There's another kind. Less readily admitted to.
The kind where you relax immediately. And slowly, surely, the thrum under your skin comes back. But the fear has a different flavor this time around, more restless than anything else.
The nice thing is, the solution is obvious.
The bad thing is, it's a solution you can't admit to.
Rachel does a lot of things to channel that thrum. Waking at dawn. Gymnastics routines. Runs around the lake. Training with the punching bag. Reading with Tobias. Talking, talking, talking to people. Morphing for fun.
But they're only channels, and none of them for much purpose.
There's only one thing that's given her true relaxation, release, since Milliways.
An afternoon walk in Milliways' forest and Rachel finds herself standing before a tall rock face, more than a hill but not quite a mountain. An opening several feet taller than she is - a rock cave.
Carved into the stone, a symbol she won't readily forget.
"...Daedalus."