Probably a Countdown to a Meltdown.
The other day I was going through my lj user info; making sure I'd taken off some people from my friend list, thinking about updating my tags, doing a little check up on the real people on my list.
This last activity stopped me in my tracks. I'd come across chinchillathehun's last public post. It's from 2006, which is close enough to seem not all that distant, but far enough for some significant changes to have gone on. And gone on they have. I read that one little sentence, and all I could think was holy shit, we are completely different people than we were then.
I mean, that's probably true for most of us. Myself, I've changed addresses three times, ended two significant relationships, made new friends, lost some old ones, changed jobs, lost a lot of weight, and became financially secure (knock on wood) for the first time in my life. But the most important change, for me anyway, is my temperament.
Yeah, I don't want to use something as new age-y as "emotional wellbeing", but that might be closer.
Don't get me wrong, I still get deeply conflicted over some aspects of my life, I still tend to over think a lot of situations, and I'm still very quick (oh gods, very quick) to anger. But I'm better at accepting now, I think.
Maybe it's more accurate to say I have a better-defined process for analysing a situation. What's the problem? What would need to happen for the problem to be fixed? Is the solution realistically achievable? Am I willing to make the attempt? What's the worst that could happen if I fail, and am I willing to accept the consequences if I do?
Four years ago, I would never have gotten past step one. I would dwell on how miserable whatever problem was making me, and think why why why does X keep doing X?? I think, actually, I know a lot of people do this. We need the offender to understand our position, and then expect them to just magically change their behaviour for our benefit.
Well, that doesn't happen. Not professionally, not personally. No matter how passive-aggressive one tries to be about it.
I know that putting it all out like that makes it seem like I'm being all holier-than-thou; I'm not entirely comfortable with others thinking that of me... but if I'm really honest, I'm not entirely uncomfortable either. I'm, if not at peace, at least more balanced than I've ever been.
And frankly, that's worth a whole lot more to me than making sure no one thinks I'm a stuck-up snob.
This last activity stopped me in my tracks. I'd come across chinchillathehun's last public post. It's from 2006, which is close enough to seem not all that distant, but far enough for some significant changes to have gone on. And gone on they have. I read that one little sentence, and all I could think was holy shit, we are completely different people than we were then.
I mean, that's probably true for most of us. Myself, I've changed addresses three times, ended two significant relationships, made new friends, lost some old ones, changed jobs, lost a lot of weight, and became financially secure (knock on wood) for the first time in my life. But the most important change, for me anyway, is my temperament.
Yeah, I don't want to use something as new age-y as "emotional wellbeing", but that might be closer.
Don't get me wrong, I still get deeply conflicted over some aspects of my life, I still tend to over think a lot of situations, and I'm still very quick (oh gods, very quick) to anger. But I'm better at accepting now, I think.
Maybe it's more accurate to say I have a better-defined process for analysing a situation. What's the problem? What would need to happen for the problem to be fixed? Is the solution realistically achievable? Am I willing to make the attempt? What's the worst that could happen if I fail, and am I willing to accept the consequences if I do?
Four years ago, I would never have gotten past step one. I would dwell on how miserable whatever problem was making me, and think why why why does X keep doing X?? I think, actually, I know a lot of people do this. We need the offender to understand our position, and then expect them to just magically change their behaviour for our benefit.
Well, that doesn't happen. Not professionally, not personally. No matter how passive-aggressive one tries to be about it.
I know that putting it all out like that makes it seem like I'm being all holier-than-thou; I'm not entirely comfortable with others thinking that of me... but if I'm really honest, I'm not entirely uncomfortable either. I'm, if not at peace, at least more balanced than I've ever been.
And frankly, that's worth a whole lot more to me than making sure no one thinks I'm a stuck-up snob.