And Again... will it continue? Probably not
So I just spent 3 hours in the park with my neices from Seattle. I made them both cry which I think is rad, since all I had to d owas steal one girls cookies and then chase the other one until she fell down in the sand and skinned her knee
"OH MY GOD!! It's bleeding so much!!"
"You know, Camille, I brought my penknife. I could take the leg off and then you could tell everyone you lost your leg in a tragic playground accident. You would be the hit at all the parties until puberty, and then you'd be a freak."
"I hate you Uncle Iain!"
And so it goes with my continued and more than attainable goal of alienating all my family members. I took the dog, which they drooled over and now they are bugging their parents for one and my sister in law has informed me that she would only attend my wedding if we gave them our dog. I'm taking this as a serious offer. Verbal contract and all that. I think that with just enough wine, I could get Nicole to go for it.
Tonight is "Meeting of the Parents 2 -Steel Cage Match" so I suppose I should shave and shower and generally try to make myself appear less of an indigent and more of the respectable suitor who has already stolen their virginal *cough cough whore cough* daughter out of their house to live in a life of non-catholic sin. They are still mad at me because when I asked them for their permission to marry her, they thought I agreed that she should live there until we were married. Like I would sell out my sex life like that. Idiots. I agreed that they could think that. Maybe thats the misunderstanding.
"I dont like the idea of engaged people living together."
"ok"
Tonight I will tell them I dont like it when people wear cotton. When they say ok we apparently have a binding agreement that they will never wear cotton. Maybe then I can get them to give us more money for the wedding so they dont have to suffer in the upcoming summer. I want a photo booth! Pay up or you will continue to swelter since you cannot afford linen clothing!
I'm worried that they will actually get to spend time with my step mother, who is well known to bring ziploc bags to dinner and just scoop stuff from her plate right into them while everyone is eating. It would be ok if she was like 80 but shes not, and so its just wierd. Time to do laundry and take a nap, since I am now apparently super old according to my sister in law.
"I was just thinking today that you are going to be 31 this year. I thought you were still in your mid 20's. Wow, your old. It's about time you got married before your sperm got all crippled and you couldn't have babies."
Thanks. Thanks a lot. I hope your new baby grows up to be a fat goth child who hates you.
"OH MY GOD!! It's bleeding so much!!"
"You know, Camille, I brought my penknife. I could take the leg off and then you could tell everyone you lost your leg in a tragic playground accident. You would be the hit at all the parties until puberty, and then you'd be a freak."
"I hate you Uncle Iain!"
And so it goes with my continued and more than attainable goal of alienating all my family members. I took the dog, which they drooled over and now they are bugging their parents for one and my sister in law has informed me that she would only attend my wedding if we gave them our dog. I'm taking this as a serious offer. Verbal contract and all that. I think that with just enough wine, I could get Nicole to go for it.
Tonight is "Meeting of the Parents 2 -Steel Cage Match" so I suppose I should shave and shower and generally try to make myself appear less of an indigent and more of the respectable suitor who has already stolen their virginal *cough cough whore cough* daughter out of their house to live in a life of non-catholic sin. They are still mad at me because when I asked them for their permission to marry her, they thought I agreed that she should live there until we were married. Like I would sell out my sex life like that. Idiots. I agreed that they could think that. Maybe thats the misunderstanding.
"I dont like the idea of engaged people living together."
"ok"
Tonight I will tell them I dont like it when people wear cotton. When they say ok we apparently have a binding agreement that they will never wear cotton. Maybe then I can get them to give us more money for the wedding so they dont have to suffer in the upcoming summer. I want a photo booth! Pay up or you will continue to swelter since you cannot afford linen clothing!
I'm worried that they will actually get to spend time with my step mother, who is well known to bring ziploc bags to dinner and just scoop stuff from her plate right into them while everyone is eating. It would be ok if she was like 80 but shes not, and so its just wierd. Time to do laundry and take a nap, since I am now apparently super old according to my sister in law.
"I was just thinking today that you are going to be 31 this year. I thought you were still in your mid 20's. Wow, your old. It's about time you got married before your sperm got all crippled and you couldn't have babies."
Thanks. Thanks a lot. I hope your new baby grows up to be a fat goth child who hates you.