2012, live or die

[amazingadrian]

This has been one hell of a year already, and it is only the end of March.

In mid January my hearing changed. Following a pattern that has been ongoing since (at least) the last two years of college, it got worse over the winter, but the difference this time is that it got worse than it's ever been before. I went to the audiologist to make sure my

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[amazingadrian]

Oh man, Gumba. I remember you. So good to see an old, familiar digital combat card representing your quasi-fictional face!

I don't know. Things are coming at me a little too fast right now. I have discovered things about myself that I never knew before, and I feel better about my knowledge of the religion I've adopted, and subsequently I feel better about myself.

I'm a man in crisis right now, but in spite of all that, I'm finally starting to let go of many of my childhood insecurities. I have more self-confidence. I have willed much of the fear that I had before out of my life.

The only thing I'm really scared of right now is what to do surrounding cochlear implants. I've been told they will improve my hearing, but they're only supposed to work within the ranges of human speech. Meaning that things like music, especially complex arrangements, may fall by the wayside. People have different experiences with it. I've been told that it would sound different than usual to me, but I'm not sure I ever knew what "normal" is for any but a select few songs.

I also don't know about letting them put it in the "lesser" ear. That's not the one that tanked. If I'm going to be heavily reliant on binaural hearing to understand music or speech, I don't want my last remaining "natural" ear to be prone to landslide plummets every winter. Though granted I was thinking of just getting one for both sides of my head, but we wanted to do the one first and see how that works. If everything goes well, it'll probably take me four years before my life returns to some semblance of normal, once this is all set in motion. It's still reversible, should I decide to not go through with it. I'd just take a 116 dollar loss.