#UnmuteYourself Day 4 - Decision Fatigue
Today’s reflection is about decision fatigue, so I’m beginning by giving an explanation of it. Basically, during the pandemic our lives are more complicated. We have to make a million decisions each day: is it safe to do XYZ, what food is in the house, how much screen time should we limit ourselves to, should I exercise today?- yes, but do I want to exercise? Do I have the spoons to exercise? (My husband is slowly converting me from spoon theory to spell-slot theory, BTW. Because you can use a high-level spell slot for a lower-level spell but not vice versa. ANYWAY.) The point of it is, our brains are not wired to operate on such a heightened level for as prolonged a period as we are asking them to. And even the healthiest person can easily get overwhelmed and shut down (depression) or go into overdrive (anxiety).
I am an anxious person. But, I’ve learned lately through therapy that a lot of my anxiety is to protect me from depression. My anxiety is a manifestation of how much my brain loves me, because given how time- and effort-intense managing CF is, I would actually die if I slipped into bad depression. The key to my growth into my fullest, true self is to feel the anger, sadness and fear that is part of the human experience so that it passes through me and doesn’t stagnate and become the detrimental depression.
I see Jesus talking about that kind of thing in this verse, Luke 21:34. “Be careful, or your hearts will be weighed down with carousing, drunkenness and the anxieties of life, and that day will close on you suddenly like a trap.” Alcohol is a depressant; it slows you down and deadens your emotions. Anxiety can have the same effect, but from speeding you up so much you can’t pick an emotion to focus on long enough to really feel it and let it pass. I also like the mention of “carousing” here. My previous therapist was actively unhelpful and advised me to distract myself from the anxiety, find other things to do that I enjoyed. I can easily see how folks get caught up in happy things, too, in whirlwind trips and feasts and the like, as a distraction from their real feelings. And all of that is a hindrance from doing the things we want to, or ought to, do.
The thing this is all bringing home for me is that Jesus was fully human. He had a human body and a human mind, which means he knew all about how wild our brains can get and how its coping/defense mechanisms intended for good can lead to harm. Jesus gets me. He knows my struggles, and he’s totally understanding and chill if, say, as a hypothetical example that didn’t just happen, the stress of working as a journalist during the election made me sit out Bible study for a while because I just could not do another thing.
And, since Advent is about preparing for the coming of Emmanuel and the ways that changes the world, this tells me something about the kin-dom too: One goal of the kin-dom is for everyone to be completely and fully themselves. To know they are incredibly loved and intimately understood by the very Creator of the entire cosmos. Our anxieties and drunkenness and carousing that we may regret or wish we didn’t turn to, that’s not important. We are loved both in spite of and because of that. So, it's not a decision we need to make; it's just a natural response to that love that we are free to stop caring about the bullshit so much and just love back.
I am an anxious person. But, I’ve learned lately through therapy that a lot of my anxiety is to protect me from depression. My anxiety is a manifestation of how much my brain loves me, because given how time- and effort-intense managing CF is, I would actually die if I slipped into bad depression. The key to my growth into my fullest, true self is to feel the anger, sadness and fear that is part of the human experience so that it passes through me and doesn’t stagnate and become the detrimental depression.
I see Jesus talking about that kind of thing in this verse, Luke 21:34. “Be careful, or your hearts will be weighed down with carousing, drunkenness and the anxieties of life, and that day will close on you suddenly like a trap.” Alcohol is a depressant; it slows you down and deadens your emotions. Anxiety can have the same effect, but from speeding you up so much you can’t pick an emotion to focus on long enough to really feel it and let it pass. I also like the mention of “carousing” here. My previous therapist was actively unhelpful and advised me to distract myself from the anxiety, find other things to do that I enjoyed. I can easily see how folks get caught up in happy things, too, in whirlwind trips and feasts and the like, as a distraction from their real feelings. And all of that is a hindrance from doing the things we want to, or ought to, do.
The thing this is all bringing home for me is that Jesus was fully human. He had a human body and a human mind, which means he knew all about how wild our brains can get and how its coping/defense mechanisms intended for good can lead to harm. Jesus gets me. He knows my struggles, and he’s totally understanding and chill if, say, as a hypothetical example that didn’t just happen, the stress of working as a journalist during the election made me sit out Bible study for a while because I just could not do another thing.
And, since Advent is about preparing for the coming of Emmanuel and the ways that changes the world, this tells me something about the kin-dom too: One goal of the kin-dom is for everyone to be completely and fully themselves. To know they are incredibly loved and intimately understood by the very Creator of the entire cosmos. Our anxieties and drunkenness and carousing that we may regret or wish we didn’t turn to, that’s not important. We are loved both in spite of and because of that. So, it's not a decision we need to make; it's just a natural response to that love that we are free to stop caring about the bullshit so much and just love back.