Oi..
So its 3:30 am here on Saturday, 27 day of November in the year 2004 of our lordess Artemis, and I'm bored off my ass. Found out some shit that, while I'm not all to surprised came up/happened, I'm still a litle shocked and weary. I feel like.. If I try to speak my mind, I'll be saying to much and taking control, but I don't want to lay back so much I let it happen with none of my input.. What if I did that and I lost what I most cared about? I'm so confused. Its like a cloud of fog storms my mind, and theres times when the eye is my eye, and I see everything so perfect, and it wall makes sense, but then its the storm I'm seeing, that's clouded my vision and has gotten me lost in a world I can't escape. I look at everyone else, I watch people, I listen, I'm invisible. I'm on the outside looking in, locked outside of the warm house with a blazing fire, out in the snow, while everyone I care about sits around drinking cocoa not knowing I exist. I could beat and bang on the window, but it wont budge. I could cry, and no one would hear me.
I'm like an animal caged away in a place where I can't get out, and yet.. I could leave anytime I wanted.. If I only had that courage.. If I could only take the pain of knowing what would happen after I did that. Who knows? Maybe someone would notice my fading away, and grab me, feverishly trying to pull back, even as the medications kicked in. Its like that question, "If I were to die tomorrow, would you cry at my funeral?" I mean.. Think about it. Think hard. Would you come to my funeral and cry because you missed me? Or cry because while you had a chance you took me for granted? Would you cry because you loved me, and wanted me back, or not cry at all, thinking I'd done the right thight? And who's to say you'll cry at all? I don't know if you even know I'm living, so how do I know you'll know I died? Its that question everyone in the world ask, that everyone at some time or another in their mind thinks about, and there is nothing you can do to stop it. Its the what-if? game you play with yourself while your trying to sleep at night, its the shadows that creep into your mind and threaten to break free when your light begins to give in.
My body feels so weak, like a cast-away case that no one needs. I'm the empty cell that walks along, emotionless, heartless, useless, unnoticed, invisible, and most of all, alone. I'm the bum sitting on every street corner you've walked, that you turn your nose to because you don't understand what they've been through. I'm the orphan kid who steals from the supermarket, that you watch slide food into my pockets and then tell on me as I try to feed my starving family. I'm the kid in school that's called 'brace-face' and 'fatty', the girl that cries alone when there's not a teacher around, the boy who turns out 'bad' because no one was ever there. I'm the person who, with all the depression and anger inside, and no one to unleash on, will bring a gun to school and shoot you down for turning your nose away. No.. I wouldn't do that, but I'd think about it.
I'm the fuck up. Simply put. I'm the one who ruins lives, breaks hearts, destroys and decays anything she touches. I am your shadow, your pain, your fleeting thought of rebelion. I am the one true devil for I cause the one true pain.. I'll steal your love, then become invisible. You'll never see me, you'll forget I live. I'll walk to your house one night, and I'll stand on your door, but you'll never know I'm there, because you wont hear me knock. And then one night I'll sit beside you at a restraurant, and you'll look right through me like a pane of glass. And then, when you least expect it, I'm the coffin in the hearse, passing by your drive way, that holds your attention till out of site, then you'll forget me again.
I am.. the typical american teenager. I am shit.
I'm like an animal caged away in a place where I can't get out, and yet.. I could leave anytime I wanted.. If I only had that courage.. If I could only take the pain of knowing what would happen after I did that. Who knows? Maybe someone would notice my fading away, and grab me, feverishly trying to pull back, even as the medications kicked in. Its like that question, "If I were to die tomorrow, would you cry at my funeral?" I mean.. Think about it. Think hard. Would you come to my funeral and cry because you missed me? Or cry because while you had a chance you took me for granted? Would you cry because you loved me, and wanted me back, or not cry at all, thinking I'd done the right thight? And who's to say you'll cry at all? I don't know if you even know I'm living, so how do I know you'll know I died? Its that question everyone in the world ask, that everyone at some time or another in their mind thinks about, and there is nothing you can do to stop it. Its the what-if? game you play with yourself while your trying to sleep at night, its the shadows that creep into your mind and threaten to break free when your light begins to give in.
My body feels so weak, like a cast-away case that no one needs. I'm the empty cell that walks along, emotionless, heartless, useless, unnoticed, invisible, and most of all, alone. I'm the bum sitting on every street corner you've walked, that you turn your nose to because you don't understand what they've been through. I'm the orphan kid who steals from the supermarket, that you watch slide food into my pockets and then tell on me as I try to feed my starving family. I'm the kid in school that's called 'brace-face' and 'fatty', the girl that cries alone when there's not a teacher around, the boy who turns out 'bad' because no one was ever there. I'm the person who, with all the depression and anger inside, and no one to unleash on, will bring a gun to school and shoot you down for turning your nose away. No.. I wouldn't do that, but I'd think about it.
I'm the fuck up. Simply put. I'm the one who ruins lives, breaks hearts, destroys and decays anything she touches. I am your shadow, your pain, your fleeting thought of rebelion. I am the one true devil for I cause the one true pain.. I'll steal your love, then become invisible. You'll never see me, you'll forget I live. I'll walk to your house one night, and I'll stand on your door, but you'll never know I'm there, because you wont hear me knock. And then one night I'll sit beside you at a restraurant, and you'll look right through me like a pane of glass. And then, when you least expect it, I'm the coffin in the hearse, passing by your drive way, that holds your attention till out of site, then you'll forget me again.
I am.. the typical american teenager. I am shit.