Conversions again

[amawahibiki]

An e-mail I got today:

Dear Daniel
... One last question: if I have a Japanese friend who is interested in seeing what Rosh Hashanah is like, do you think he'll [the Chabad Rabbi] be OK with having her come to services? ... she's actually Christian,　and would like to learn more about Judaism. What do you think?...

My response:

Oh dear... I've

Comments

[amawahibiki]

I think "converting" for a boyfriend etc. (the quotes being because in pripciple a Jewish court will not accept such conversions) is one of the worse blunders one could make in life. First, when there's an argument, or if one eventually breaks up, what happens to that conversion? Also, it causes arguments in the relationship, because she game *everything* for him and he didn't reciprocate.
Judaism has so much to do with daily life that this becomes an irritant every day, and such marriages don't tend to last... and the parents divorce, and the children grow up in a terrible situation, not accepted by anyone. It's one of the more awful "children of the dust" situations. And one sees it all the time in Denmark and in Japan- so many Jewish young men lust for big-breasted Danish blondes or for cute subservient Japanese girls respectively, and it virtually always ends in tragedy, and then 20 years later as a community one has to help pick up the pieces. Most Jewish men over 40 in synagogue, here and in Japan, are divorced and have children they have disowned. It's horrible really. At least they should be like one member of our shul in Japan and be able to make the distinction, and maintain their obligations as a parent and take responsibility for their children, since after all it is their fault not the fault of the children.

[rosegold_ruby]

you have a child, you are that child's parent. Accidents happen sometimes, and if you find yourself in a situtation where you/your girlfriend is pregnant, and you don't want the child, then you give it up for adoption, or you leave right then. You don't marry a person, have children with them, and when the marriage ends, *then* disown them.
To me, disowning them years later is far far worse than walking out on the mother. Especially when a strong religion is involved.
All this makes me want to go over to japan and rescue all the poor messed up child from all of this :(

[amawahibiki]

Where this situation happened a lot is American soldiers stationed in Asia after WW2 and the Vietnam war. There were many children of American GI's and Asian women who were disowned by the fathers when they were re-stationed. They are known as "children of the dust" in the Vietnam setting. There are actually books about this kind of thing, and it's more common than one might think- and the situation here although not military is in many ways similar I think. I don't really think there's any excuse- the Western men simply don't respect the Asian women and their children. One doesn't disown children. Not if one is re-stationed, not if one decides to divorce the mother, not ever.