What have we got to lose but each other?
"I don't want to be the filler if the void is solely yours,
I don't want to be adored for what I merely represent to you,
or be your other half-- I believe that one and one make two."
Enter Ramzi. Prime candidate, most eligible bachelor of the year. 24, from a wealthy family, just out of Med School, Tall and handsome, great personality, and a vitality that goes without comparison.
*Drums fingers on desk* so wheres the flaw? Why am I constantly searching for it? Perhaps I see it already. Glimpses of it. Or perhaps they're my own flaws that I see reflected from him. His stubbornness (although we haven't gotten into any 'arguments', I can sense that like most people, he's 'always right'). Perhaps theres a slight arrogance--this is to be expected, comes with the territory.
Last night I spoke to him on the phone. We've been speaking, consistently, every night. He calls me with an enthusiasm of a young boy -- as though I'm the only girl he's ever encountered. And I sense an insecurity...
He was married before. He calls it "engagement", but they did the Kitab. He wasn't happy throughout the enagagement. This idea (of "her") was pushed by his parents, her parents, and the SOCIETY around him. These pressures can be overbearing at times, especially at 21 when you're not as strong or wise--I guess I should excuse him-- but it seems that he is quite indecisive. (Another reflection of my own flaws?) Perhaps this scares me... the idea that I could be making an emotional investment in him, and in the end he could decide that i'm NOT the love of his life that he's searching for.
Essentially thats what happened to her. He left the girl, having signed the kitab, her life (with him) ahead of her... without her knowing what hit her. He says he is an introvert about his feelings. Or rather, that he is a very private person. About what he does, I don't think so. I do think, however, that he can be hard to read at times. He covers his emotions with a happy-go-lucky personality, that ultimately is not his TRUE self.
Girls are so damn over-analytical. I can't help it. Last night when we ended the conversation he said "thanks for tearing me apart". I acted as if I had no idea what he was talking about. "Perhaps I'm wrong", he said. Throughout the conversation he seemed okay with it... but again, this insecurity. I believe it is the same as mine.
I told him I didn't want to talk to him daily. That I was 'afraid'. Thats not the right word, perhaps it is 'apprehensive'. I'm also insecure.
But what have I got to lose? I'm never this way. I talk to them as if they don't exist to me, or rather that I don't really care if they didn't exist. Perhaps this is what hooks 'em. And its true, I don't generally FEEL as though I have a future with any of them. Ramzi is different.
What have I got to lose? Only him.
But I tell myself this. What has HE got to lose?
ME.
Note: names have been changed to protect the dignity of those involved.
I don't want to be adored for what I merely represent to you,
or be your other half-- I believe that one and one make two."
Enter Ramzi. Prime candidate, most eligible bachelor of the year. 24, from a wealthy family, just out of Med School, Tall and handsome, great personality, and a vitality that goes without comparison.
*Drums fingers on desk* so wheres the flaw? Why am I constantly searching for it? Perhaps I see it already. Glimpses of it. Or perhaps they're my own flaws that I see reflected from him. His stubbornness (although we haven't gotten into any 'arguments', I can sense that like most people, he's 'always right'). Perhaps theres a slight arrogance--this is to be expected, comes with the territory.
Last night I spoke to him on the phone. We've been speaking, consistently, every night. He calls me with an enthusiasm of a young boy -- as though I'm the only girl he's ever encountered. And I sense an insecurity...
He was married before. He calls it "engagement", but they did the Kitab. He wasn't happy throughout the enagagement. This idea (of "her") was pushed by his parents, her parents, and the SOCIETY around him. These pressures can be overbearing at times, especially at 21 when you're not as strong or wise--I guess I should excuse him-- but it seems that he is quite indecisive. (Another reflection of my own flaws?) Perhaps this scares me... the idea that I could be making an emotional investment in him, and in the end he could decide that i'm NOT the love of his life that he's searching for.
Essentially thats what happened to her. He left the girl, having signed the kitab, her life (with him) ahead of her... without her knowing what hit her. He says he is an introvert about his feelings. Or rather, that he is a very private person. About what he does, I don't think so. I do think, however, that he can be hard to read at times. He covers his emotions with a happy-go-lucky personality, that ultimately is not his TRUE self.
Girls are so damn over-analytical. I can't help it. Last night when we ended the conversation he said "thanks for tearing me apart". I acted as if I had no idea what he was talking about. "Perhaps I'm wrong", he said. Throughout the conversation he seemed okay with it... but again, this insecurity. I believe it is the same as mine.
I told him I didn't want to talk to him daily. That I was 'afraid'. Thats not the right word, perhaps it is 'apprehensive'. I'm also insecure.
But what have I got to lose? I'm never this way. I talk to them as if they don't exist to me, or rather that I don't really care if they didn't exist. Perhaps this is what hooks 'em. And its true, I don't generally FEEL as though I have a future with any of them. Ramzi is different.
What have I got to lose? Only him.
But I tell myself this. What has HE got to lose?
ME.
Note: names have been changed to protect the dignity of those involved.