B5 fic: "Eye of the Beholder" [Londo, G'Kar, Vir]

[amatara]

Hi there! I'm still here, and doing pretty much okay. Real-life hecticness (is that even a proper noun?) keeps preventing me from being anything close to active on here, but please know I haven't vanished into thin air! What I have been is thwarted by tendinitis (wrist brace! antiinflammatory meds! bring 'em on!) which in theory means I should be

Comments

[mithen]

Oh, OH, thank you for this. I asked for it because I never had a clear sense of how their first meeting would go, but I wanted one, and I knew that whatever you came up with would become my headcanon and that it would be a good one to have. And so it was! In the best of ways, there are details here that it never even occurred to me to consider, which is exactly why reading someone else's take on unknown parts of canon is so much more satisfying than one's own (like you can't tickle yourself, the element of surprise has to be there).

For example, I had never imagined that Londo wouldn't have seen G'Kar's face clearly right away, that the dream would keep evolving, but it's absolutely perfect that it does, how the bare facts of the dream remain the same, but more details emerge over time...when Londo is ready for them, almost. And it sets up the ending, where we get that beautiful moment of becoming aware of that final redemptive detail, so well.

I had never considered Londo and G'Kar having a chance to meet on equal ground and have just that instant of getting-along before it all goes to hell, that's just fascinating. I've never been so unhappy to see Garibaldi enter a scene. ;)

My God, I laughed so much at Londo's imagined message to Timov, that's such perfect Mollari, that throwaway, sidelong sense of understatement. I could actually imagine Timov's face, reading this hypothetical message. :)

G'Kar not knowing about the dream, and Londo struggling with the knowledge as their relationship deepens, torn between wanting him to know and being afraid to let him know in the medlab... Augh, so perfect.

This has a beautiful balance of angst and hope, you always get it just right. The detail that utterly broke my heart was how in the dreams he relishes the chance to feel physical contact with another being's skin, it's such a terrible thing that someone as earthy and sensual as Londo is reduced to that. And yet it's a beautiful touch, that his death will be cherished because it gives him a last chance to connect to someone, to have some kind of contact, especially with that final bit of hope you give him, that their deaths will not be blind and cruel.

Thank you so much for this, I love when people take a long time with gift fic because it means they tend to show up just when I need them most, like unexpected airlifts of delicious angsty goodness.

[amatara]

Yay, I'm so glad you liked this! It's a bit of a funny thing, really, how this fic ended up being written. I mean, I didn't write a word of fanfic in months but I hadn't really gotten to the point where I missed the creative process (mostly because I've been going through the kind of period where my need for relaxation wins out on my need for getting creative every time). But then suddenly, I got this overwhelming need to write something again, just NEED TO WRITE FIC NOW NOW NOW. It completely took me by surprise, and then I had no idea what to write at first until I remembered your request from back in the day. And then I ended up writing this in (for me) a super-short amount of time! So it seems your prompt really jump-started my writing muse, lol. :) Nor sure if that will last, but writing this story has been a real boost, so thank you for the lovely prompt!

I'm always madly pleased if my personal take on something makes it into someone's headcanon, so yay for Londo and G'Kar's first meeting (and the link to Londo's dreams) having made it into yours! I basically started this fic by wondering what the most likely situation would have been: as I felt it, that would be Londo having known G'Kar's face from his dreams before they even met (which I think is a pretty common assumption in B5 fanon) and therefore having a very good reason to resent him from the start. And then I thought, why not turn that around and start out from the exact opposite? I'm really happy to hear that the premise worked for you!

As for Timov, it's been so long since I've seen her turn up in fic, so I just had to include a glimpse of her here. :) And of course Londo is underestimating her - just ike he's underestimating G'Kar and Vir, who could and would support him through anything, if he'd only trust them enough to let them see that side of him too. Which of course is part of the tragedy, too. *sniffles*

Thank you so much for this lovely comment! It means a lot to me, especially now that my energy for writing is at a bit of a low. I'm with you when it comes to receiving gifts just when you need them most. Thank you! *hugs*