Where Fallen Dreams May Lie
A Scotch neat with two cigarettes, or a cognac with a cigar if I'm feeling particularly extravagant. There's always something to be said about this kind of sinful indulgence. In fact, certain conversations only take place under such settings. Me, I like the psychological aspect of the ritual. If only we could all inhale to the depths of our souls that which we desire from life and so casually blow out the troubles that come from it.
Some people say that life is about walking the road between who you are and who you will become. While that's certainly true, I think in reality, life is more about finding and accepting the balance between what you want and what you can get, what you want to do and what you actually can do. And for the vast majority of us, there exists a discrepancy to some degree between the two. Which is why there comes a point in all our lives when we eventually shelf our romantic notions and childhood idealisms and accept reality for all the harshness that it is. We grow up. We mature. We become Adults. And we live in the Real World and play the game called Life.
The thing with life is that it's basically a big gamble on making the right decision without the least bit of information. Thus, things would be so much easier if you were given a second chance. Take my World of Warcraft characters for example. My first character was Arwyn, a human mage, and through about 3 months of trial and error, I've leveled her up to 45, bought a mount, am flat broke with 7 gold, and have a difficult time finding people to group with and thus mostly play solo. For a change of pace, I created 夢月夜, a night elf priestess. At first, I only intended to play her when I wasn't getting anywhere with Arwyn, but now she's practically my "main" because in less than two weeks time, I've leveled her up to 31, have 82 gold in the bank, and reap the benefits of belonging to a large social circle of friends. Arwyn will always be my one true love, and I have such a fun time in the game with her, but I have a much easier one with 夢.
And that's what I hate about life, how people only love me for who I can be and not for who I really am. It's fake. And while I may have a fun time flirting and chatting it up with everyone I meet, at the end of the day, I just want to be me. But apparently being me doesn't go very far in the real world. People don't like me for who I am. In return, I don't like them for being infatuated with who I can be. This applies particularly to those in medicine. I actually get along quite well with Taiwanese people as long as it's personal and not business. Ever since my first year here, I've noticed that my relationships with those in medicine are severely limited. Whether it's fellow students in medical school or fellow doctors at the hospital, there's always a point in the not-so-distant future of our relationship when we become utterly incompatible. And 6 years later, I know why. When work is thrown into the equation, the same reasons why people like me are suddenly the ones why they don't. They want me to be American as a friend but Taiwanese as a coworker. And while I'm not saying that I'm unwilling cut back on the American-ness for work, I do feel this huge sense of betrayal when long-time "friends" suddenly hate me for the exact same reasons why they loved me when we first met. And this problem really is limited to those in medicine because I've worked with people not in medicine and we got along just fine. So the obvious solution is to make friends outside of medicine, but given my inhumanely long work hours, it's near impossible to do so. And that has been the problem ever since the beginning.
Which brings us to the ultimate question: what's an M.D. degree worth? And I'd answer that question too if I hadn't had too much to drink. But what I will say is that if, like World of Warcraft, I had the choice to start all over again, I would say no to a career in medicine. Why do backstage work healing unappreciated as a priest when you can enjoy the center stage of blowing shit up like it's nobody's business as a mage. Maybe it's not the "easiest" path, but at least I'll be doing what I love.
Well, I'm 24 today, effectively in my mid-twenties, and it's about time I put aside all those silly ideas I had when I was 14. And it's about time I returned Sharon's (formerly known as Xin-Rong) call. It's been about two months into our "relationship" and I still like to kite her around because I don't want her to get too close to me too fast. Besides, it's a good thing to make her work for me, because women need to feel like they're scoring too. I mean, she's a nice girl and everything; attractive, cute personality, but I just know that her interest in me would sink to new-found depths if I were to get all "Leo" on her. But when I kite her around, her obsession with me soars sky-high and I enjoy the perks of having a pretty lady on my arm working her ass off to please me.
Don't hate the player, hate the game.
Two beers, a bottle of wine, five martinis, and a reflective entry later, I'm calling it a night. Happy birthday to me.
Some people say that life is about walking the road between who you are and who you will become. While that's certainly true, I think in reality, life is more about finding and accepting the balance between what you want and what you can get, what you want to do and what you actually can do. And for the vast majority of us, there exists a discrepancy to some degree between the two. Which is why there comes a point in all our lives when we eventually shelf our romantic notions and childhood idealisms and accept reality for all the harshness that it is. We grow up. We mature. We become Adults. And we live in the Real World and play the game called Life.
The thing with life is that it's basically a big gamble on making the right decision without the least bit of information. Thus, things would be so much easier if you were given a second chance. Take my World of Warcraft characters for example. My first character was Arwyn, a human mage, and through about 3 months of trial and error, I've leveled her up to 45, bought a mount, am flat broke with 7 gold, and have a difficult time finding people to group with and thus mostly play solo. For a change of pace, I created 夢月夜, a night elf priestess. At first, I only intended to play her when I wasn't getting anywhere with Arwyn, but now she's practically my "main" because in less than two weeks time, I've leveled her up to 31, have 82 gold in the bank, and reap the benefits of belonging to a large social circle of friends. Arwyn will always be my one true love, and I have such a fun time in the game with her, but I have a much easier one with 夢.
And that's what I hate about life, how people only love me for who I can be and not for who I really am. It's fake. And while I may have a fun time flirting and chatting it up with everyone I meet, at the end of the day, I just want to be me. But apparently being me doesn't go very far in the real world. People don't like me for who I am. In return, I don't like them for being infatuated with who I can be. This applies particularly to those in medicine. I actually get along quite well with Taiwanese people as long as it's personal and not business. Ever since my first year here, I've noticed that my relationships with those in medicine are severely limited. Whether it's fellow students in medical school or fellow doctors at the hospital, there's always a point in the not-so-distant future of our relationship when we become utterly incompatible. And 6 years later, I know why. When work is thrown into the equation, the same reasons why people like me are suddenly the ones why they don't. They want me to be American as a friend but Taiwanese as a coworker. And while I'm not saying that I'm unwilling cut back on the American-ness for work, I do feel this huge sense of betrayal when long-time "friends" suddenly hate me for the exact same reasons why they loved me when we first met. And this problem really is limited to those in medicine because I've worked with people not in medicine and we got along just fine. So the obvious solution is to make friends outside of medicine, but given my inhumanely long work hours, it's near impossible to do so. And that has been the problem ever since the beginning.
Which brings us to the ultimate question: what's an M.D. degree worth? And I'd answer that question too if I hadn't had too much to drink. But what I will say is that if, like World of Warcraft, I had the choice to start all over again, I would say no to a career in medicine. Why do backstage work healing unappreciated as a priest when you can enjoy the center stage of blowing shit up like it's nobody's business as a mage. Maybe it's not the "easiest" path, but at least I'll be doing what I love.
Well, I'm 24 today, effectively in my mid-twenties, and it's about time I put aside all those silly ideas I had when I was 14. And it's about time I returned Sharon's (formerly known as Xin-Rong) call. It's been about two months into our "relationship" and I still like to kite her around because I don't want her to get too close to me too fast. Besides, it's a good thing to make her work for me, because women need to feel like they're scoring too. I mean, she's a nice girl and everything; attractive, cute personality, but I just know that her interest in me would sink to new-found depths if I were to get all "Leo" on her. But when I kite her around, her obsession with me soars sky-high and I enjoy the perks of having a pretty lady on my arm working her ass off to please me.
Don't hate the player, hate the game.
Two beers, a bottle of wine, five martinis, and a reflective entry later, I'm calling it a night. Happy birthday to me.