man...long day to end a long week
well, it didnt seem too long, but the week just felt like it didnt want to end at all today.
of course, throughout the week, ive had a lot to think about and a lot to go through. for me, its just been tough in an emotional and mental sense that my head is just kinda ready to burst. ive gotten, for the most part, over my break up w/ my ex(albeit, a short 1 month relationship) and work just didnt seem to end for me during the weekend. while i have reconciled my differences with my ex on thursday, i still felt some emotional pain when i saw her. just trying to start over with what we had was something i really never wanted to do. i felt we had something going, though we both agreed we rushed a little. i wouldnt have mind if we took things slow w/o breaking up, but thats the way it is. maybe something will happen in the near future, but i really dont want anything right now from her, as harsh as that sounds. its nothing personal, but i personally felt i deserved more.
with work, ive been busy trying to make a good impression w/ everyone and showing them i can handle my position w/ a lot of confidence and poise. while i dont seem to break a sweat or rattle my own nerves at work, it does take a toll on my body. standing for most of the day without sitting kills my lower back, but i work through it and rest my back when i sleep at night. it seems like that should be enough to keep me going, but when i have to work extended hours, the pain comes in a lot easier. with my position at the lead hospitality associate, im usually the one that needs to help cover shifts, which almost, or rather, did happen sunday. getting a call from a co-worker who didnt feel good and was sick didnt really make me too happy. but, with the way i have to be because of my position, i cant just leave people or co-workers hanging like that. already working the opening MOD shift, i had to go through the list to see if anyone could cover the evening shift today. i wasnt able to find anyone who could come in at 2, but had to settle for someone to come in at 4. i was finally happy when i did find a couple people who could do that for me so i didnt have to be at work a full 12 hours. though, when 4pm came by, i still had to do a rockwall appointment. it was an easy gig, but for me, belaying sapped a lot of my strength, or what little strength i had at that point of the day. the family i belayed actually kept the appt. short, as they just wanted to test out the rockwall and see if their kids would like it. they did, and hopefully ill see them soon. when they finally finished, i was just gassed. i dont think i had enough to stay awake for the rest of the day. even though my rockwall availability was from 4-8, i just had to close it down early again. i finally got home about 5pm and pretty much passed out until about 7.30-8pm-ish.
im still tired though. i was kinda hoping writing this entry would help me get tired faster, which it did to an extent. i dont know, though. i feel like nothing good will happen now, even with what i had to do today. i feel that there wont be much of a reward for me, despite the hard work ive put into my job. it just feels like im not accomplishing anything anymore. could it just be fatigue talking or is this the harsh reality im faced with at the moment? the only thing, though, that will keep me going is the 'hope' that something will happen. that something good or some type of 'reward' will come to me some time soon. thats the only thing keeping me motivated now. i guess i should get some rest now and hope ill be ready for tomorrow or the days to come.
of course, throughout the week, ive had a lot to think about and a lot to go through. for me, its just been tough in an emotional and mental sense that my head is just kinda ready to burst. ive gotten, for the most part, over my break up w/ my ex(albeit, a short 1 month relationship) and work just didnt seem to end for me during the weekend. while i have reconciled my differences with my ex on thursday, i still felt some emotional pain when i saw her. just trying to start over with what we had was something i really never wanted to do. i felt we had something going, though we both agreed we rushed a little. i wouldnt have mind if we took things slow w/o breaking up, but thats the way it is. maybe something will happen in the near future, but i really dont want anything right now from her, as harsh as that sounds. its nothing personal, but i personally felt i deserved more.
with work, ive been busy trying to make a good impression w/ everyone and showing them i can handle my position w/ a lot of confidence and poise. while i dont seem to break a sweat or rattle my own nerves at work, it does take a toll on my body. standing for most of the day without sitting kills my lower back, but i work through it and rest my back when i sleep at night. it seems like that should be enough to keep me going, but when i have to work extended hours, the pain comes in a lot easier. with my position at the lead hospitality associate, im usually the one that needs to help cover shifts, which almost, or rather, did happen sunday. getting a call from a co-worker who didnt feel good and was sick didnt really make me too happy. but, with the way i have to be because of my position, i cant just leave people or co-workers hanging like that. already working the opening MOD shift, i had to go through the list to see if anyone could cover the evening shift today. i wasnt able to find anyone who could come in at 2, but had to settle for someone to come in at 4. i was finally happy when i did find a couple people who could do that for me so i didnt have to be at work a full 12 hours. though, when 4pm came by, i still had to do a rockwall appointment. it was an easy gig, but for me, belaying sapped a lot of my strength, or what little strength i had at that point of the day. the family i belayed actually kept the appt. short, as they just wanted to test out the rockwall and see if their kids would like it. they did, and hopefully ill see them soon. when they finally finished, i was just gassed. i dont think i had enough to stay awake for the rest of the day. even though my rockwall availability was from 4-8, i just had to close it down early again. i finally got home about 5pm and pretty much passed out until about 7.30-8pm-ish.
im still tired though. i was kinda hoping writing this entry would help me get tired faster, which it did to an extent. i dont know, though. i feel like nothing good will happen now, even with what i had to do today. i feel that there wont be much of a reward for me, despite the hard work ive put into my job. it just feels like im not accomplishing anything anymore. could it just be fatigue talking or is this the harsh reality im faced with at the moment? the only thing, though, that will keep me going is the 'hope' that something will happen. that something good or some type of 'reward' will come to me some time soon. thats the only thing keeping me motivated now. i guess i should get some rest now and hope ill be ready for tomorrow or the days to come.