i dont know anymore
sometimes, things, i guess, happen for a reason. im still trying to figure that out right now. i can safely say that, yes, the past month saw me as a really happy person. i felt that everything was going my way. i was content with the world at that point.
today marked my 1 month mark in a relationship. unfortunately, it won't go any further than a month. she didnt feel she was ready for a boyfriend. consequently, we have both parted ways in a mutual fashion and remain friends. in short, its over.
though i am prone to break-ups and i am familiar with them, nothing, i learned, can prepare you for the pain, no matter how hard it is. it caught me off guard and when it happened, i felt it. my only saving grace was that i had not set really high expectations, like i have in the past w/ my ex's. its not to say that she wasnt worthy of having high expectations, i felt that i needed to try to get to know her more and more. until i felt like i knew her pretty well, i would set a goal or expectation. ive learned in the past that the higher the expectation, the higher the "fall" and the feeling of devastation becomes great.
while i do feel bad right now, i would never ask myself if i regretted going out with her. i would definately say no. i dont regret being with her for that month. i dont regret getting to know her. i dont regret spending my time to be with her. she was a great girl and a great friend. why would i regret getting to know her? in the end, i still have a friend. its more than nothing.
right now, i may not seem too happy. but, my life will go on. there are other things to do, more people to meet. though i complain about being old, in reality, im still very young and have a lifetime in front of me. can i expect more breakups, yes. but, for me to get to the breakups, id have to be in a relationship. im positive that ill find someone else for me. i cant be too down on myself too much. i just need get my ass off the floor, to brush myself off, and keep going. but now, ill just sleep on it. tomorrow is a new day. new days bring new experiences, no matter what the routine may be. you live your experience, then learn from it.
today marked my 1 month mark in a relationship. unfortunately, it won't go any further than a month. she didnt feel she was ready for a boyfriend. consequently, we have both parted ways in a mutual fashion and remain friends. in short, its over.
though i am prone to break-ups and i am familiar with them, nothing, i learned, can prepare you for the pain, no matter how hard it is. it caught me off guard and when it happened, i felt it. my only saving grace was that i had not set really high expectations, like i have in the past w/ my ex's. its not to say that she wasnt worthy of having high expectations, i felt that i needed to try to get to know her more and more. until i felt like i knew her pretty well, i would set a goal or expectation. ive learned in the past that the higher the expectation, the higher the "fall" and the feeling of devastation becomes great.
while i do feel bad right now, i would never ask myself if i regretted going out with her. i would definately say no. i dont regret being with her for that month. i dont regret getting to know her. i dont regret spending my time to be with her. she was a great girl and a great friend. why would i regret getting to know her? in the end, i still have a friend. its more than nothing.
right now, i may not seem too happy. but, my life will go on. there are other things to do, more people to meet. though i complain about being old, in reality, im still very young and have a lifetime in front of me. can i expect more breakups, yes. but, for me to get to the breakups, id have to be in a relationship. im positive that ill find someone else for me. i cant be too down on myself too much. i just need get my ass off the floor, to brush myself off, and keep going. but now, ill just sleep on it. tomorrow is a new day. new days bring new experiences, no matter what the routine may be. you live your experience, then learn from it.