"I'm not alone cuz the TV's on, I'm not crazy cuz I take the right pills"
so cold. so tired. in need of Jimmy Eat World mood music and my huge glase of Fresca mixed with Cran Grape juice.
I woke up at around 6:30 and I just need to talk. I don't know why? I have things to say, things on my mind.
My mom was bitching at me this morning, screaming "when the fuck are you going to get a job, why not stay home for a couple days?" She is pissed cuz I am never home. What the fuck does she want me to do? School starts soon, maybe I'll get a job then. I really can't stand her whatsoever, fucking bitch bitch bitch. I fucking have a life at least, all she fucking does anymore is sleep and take fucking drugs for her "arthritis". Ever since she's started taking that shit she's been a bitch.
Ok I spoke to Nick last night about some shit. And some things he said totally confuseded me and I am not going to write them down. But I still miss him a whole lot. I don't know why. We hang out like all the time, and we seem to be finding more in common and stuff. But for some reason the past couple days things have been weird between us, but since we talked hopefully everything will end up back to normal. It could just be that I been feeling like shit and I am exhausted. I'm just a little grumpy. *smile* I really think I am crazy for that boy... And I was thinking about it, and Shane said he thinks the reason I still care is about the lust between Nick and myself... I couldn't disagree with him more. I mean there is a lot of lustful (is that even a word) feelings beween Nick and me. I mean as I have said in the past, some of my girl friends think we are pretty kinky. But that's not the point, I mean everyone thinks that's all I am about with Nick. And it's not. I love hanging out, even if it is just going to the skate park like yesterday. Nick and I didn't even talk much or anything, but it was still really cool... Very laid back fun. I mean and I told him that I used to feel like I could tell him anything, and lately I feel afraid to say a word. And he said I can still talk to him... Thats a good thing, I just felt that little tilt downward in our friendship and I figure I should catch it fast, cuz I wasn't fast enough in our relationship you know? oh well, can't dwell on that...
Ok and the other thing is I am a little nervous of going to Matty B's tonight. I don't know why. It's Matty B. I mean I got nervous before I went to the social with him, but that was a formal dance. Why am I scared to just go hang out? I mean it's like the first time we are really going to hang out without other people around. Maybe that's it.
Dead leg. I just when went to change the song and my leg when dead out from under me, and I hyperextended something, really hurts...
Feeling sick, so I am going to go. I need to take some advil. bye.
I woke up at around 6:30 and I just need to talk. I don't know why? I have things to say, things on my mind.
My mom was bitching at me this morning, screaming "when the fuck are you going to get a job, why not stay home for a couple days?" She is pissed cuz I am never home. What the fuck does she want me to do? School starts soon, maybe I'll get a job then. I really can't stand her whatsoever, fucking bitch bitch bitch. I fucking have a life at least, all she fucking does anymore is sleep and take fucking drugs for her "arthritis". Ever since she's started taking that shit she's been a bitch.
Ok I spoke to Nick last night about some shit. And some things he said totally confuseded me and I am not going to write them down. But I still miss him a whole lot. I don't know why. We hang out like all the time, and we seem to be finding more in common and stuff. But for some reason the past couple days things have been weird between us, but since we talked hopefully everything will end up back to normal. It could just be that I been feeling like shit and I am exhausted. I'm just a little grumpy. *smile* I really think I am crazy for that boy... And I was thinking about it, and Shane said he thinks the reason I still care is about the lust between Nick and myself... I couldn't disagree with him more. I mean there is a lot of lustful (is that even a word) feelings beween Nick and me. I mean as I have said in the past, some of my girl friends think we are pretty kinky. But that's not the point, I mean everyone thinks that's all I am about with Nick. And it's not. I love hanging out, even if it is just going to the skate park like yesterday. Nick and I didn't even talk much or anything, but it was still really cool... Very laid back fun. I mean and I told him that I used to feel like I could tell him anything, and lately I feel afraid to say a word. And he said I can still talk to him... Thats a good thing, I just felt that little tilt downward in our friendship and I figure I should catch it fast, cuz I wasn't fast enough in our relationship you know? oh well, can't dwell on that...
Ok and the other thing is I am a little nervous of going to Matty B's tonight. I don't know why. It's Matty B. I mean I got nervous before I went to the social with him, but that was a formal dance. Why am I scared to just go hang out? I mean it's like the first time we are really going to hang out without other people around. Maybe that's it.
Dead leg. I just when went to change the song and my leg when dead out from under me, and I hyperextended something, really hurts...
Feeling sick, so I am going to go. I need to take some advil. bye.