I am a day late and a buck short.
ok here comes the long long entry with all my feelings. I am going to sputter on like a crying baby but I need to let this all out of my system...
My name is Marie Catherine Amara. I had a not so appealing childhood. And in my life I have learned to be pretty wary of the male sex. Many guys are lying assholes who only want play.
This is what I look for in a guy. Or here is the model of the perfect guy for me...
someone who listens to me, someone who sees me as a person with intellect instead of just a vagina, someone who likes the outdoors, someone who has mystery to them, someone who thinks for themself, someone who will speak their mind on a certian subject, someone who is stubborn, someone who has musical knowledge, someone who likes the stars, someone to wrestle with, someone who is laid back, someone who isn't overprotective, someone who isn't underprotective, someone who is not more than 8 inches taller than me or 1 inch shorter, someone I can fall asleep in the company of, someone who will hold me tight, someone with a firm grip, someone who likes to dance, someone who has a sense of humor, someone who has brains, someone who is content with watching a movie, someone who will hold my hand in public, someone who has a certian kinkiness to them, someone with great eyes, someone who smiles a lot...
Damn, do you think I have high standards? hmmm, I don't think they are that bad...
I feel so angry. I feel like scared.
See try this... I am going to the beach with Shane and Matty B on friday. And Shane was like oh yeah so and so and this other girl, we'll just call her H is coming... and Matt was like, "Oh my god, H! she is so hot, blah blah blah!" and then we were at Nick's talking about smoking at the beach, and Matt was like "we are going to the beach with so and so and H, we are all going to toke together." and Nick was like, "Oh my god, you are going to the beach with H... she's fucking hot." I am not sure if I wanna go now.. I feel like I am going to be the ugly duckling of the group, and I feel scared that all Matt and Shane will do is pay attention to these two other girls and forget I am there. But then I told them of my fears, and they said I should worry... I still do... They are probably, short skinny blond barbies who will make me look like a chubby ugly dark cabbage patch kid.
Matt is trying to make me feel better about it right now... I guess I don't know how to act around other girls. I have always had mostly male friends. What do girls talk about together, guys and makeup? I mean... I feel lost when I am around other girls, like I mean girls are usually so bitchy...
I mean the few girl friends I keep are cool, but I still feel awkward sometimes.
I am still talking to Matt, The convo has changed a bit... Matt and I are great buddies. I am really comfortable with him, like really comfy. And I hope he is just as compy with me... I don't know, Matty B is my softspot. Ask about anyone... I mean I climbed into the chair with him and totally passed out at the fire... I don't know... for some reason, I love curling up with him... I don't really feel that way about many of my guy friends... it's weird...
Ataris777Mai: once in a while I'll be watching a movie and wish you were here to curl up with, I don't know why, think I am weird?
flipskater50187: no its just nice hanging out with you even it is just to curl up with and watch a movie together
...that right there made me smile...
I always wonder why Matt is my softspot. We do a lot together. I don't know what I would do without him.
I have a sinus infection. My fever is breaking and I feel so heavy, and tired... But I can't go to bed...
it's 12:21... hmmm...
I been between convos and this for almost 2 hours. I been talking to Brenton too. We are going to hang out when he gets back from Penn. I think, that might be nice.
Wow! Phipps is on. Haven't spoken to her in a decade or two. haha.. Old times. Thinking back on the winter! Limos, peanut butter chips and concerts! Sleeping outside in November, damn that was a long time ago. Back when I knew how to be a girl. I mean I am a girl. I just don't know how to be girly...
I used to get a lot of guys... Now I am friends with all guys... and I don't get any guys... I need to learn how to date and be a girl again...
I made the boys raviolis today. With homemade sauce.. mmm.. they liked it... I guess that could be considered girly... or would that just seem motherly.... hmmm...
I visited like Bri Guy today. He's been doing really good. He knows how to read some now. And he speaks all with sign and voice. It's hard to understand him sometimes though. Shane and Matt came with me... Bri loved the attention. I mean he's four years old but he has some problems so I feel like it's a good idea to go over there and visit him sometimes and get him out...
we went swimming too... I finally made the length of the pool! yea!
Ok so here is my plans for the week.
Tomorrow- Senior Class Pics
Wends- Nick's house
Thursday- Watch Bri for a little, watch a movie with Matt
Friday- Beach
Saturday- crawl into a hole and die
ok you can take out saturday... but thats about it... I have filled my schedule pretty well...
it's 12:45... I am hungry and exhausted...
My name is Marie Catherine Amara. I had a not so appealing childhood. And in my life I have learned to be pretty wary of the male sex. Many guys are lying assholes who only want play.
This is what I look for in a guy. Or here is the model of the perfect guy for me...
someone who listens to me, someone who sees me as a person with intellect instead of just a vagina, someone who likes the outdoors, someone who has mystery to them, someone who thinks for themself, someone who will speak their mind on a certian subject, someone who is stubborn, someone who has musical knowledge, someone who likes the stars, someone to wrestle with, someone who is laid back, someone who isn't overprotective, someone who isn't underprotective, someone who is not more than 8 inches taller than me or 1 inch shorter, someone I can fall asleep in the company of, someone who will hold me tight, someone with a firm grip, someone who likes to dance, someone who has a sense of humor, someone who has brains, someone who is content with watching a movie, someone who will hold my hand in public, someone who has a certian kinkiness to them, someone with great eyes, someone who smiles a lot...
Damn, do you think I have high standards? hmmm, I don't think they are that bad...
I feel so angry. I feel like scared.
See try this... I am going to the beach with Shane and Matty B on friday. And Shane was like oh yeah so and so and this other girl, we'll just call her H is coming... and Matt was like, "Oh my god, H! she is so hot, blah blah blah!" and then we were at Nick's talking about smoking at the beach, and Matt was like "we are going to the beach with so and so and H, we are all going to toke together." and Nick was like, "Oh my god, you are going to the beach with H... she's fucking hot." I am not sure if I wanna go now.. I feel like I am going to be the ugly duckling of the group, and I feel scared that all Matt and Shane will do is pay attention to these two other girls and forget I am there. But then I told them of my fears, and they said I should worry... I still do... They are probably, short skinny blond barbies who will make me look like a chubby ugly dark cabbage patch kid.
Matt is trying to make me feel better about it right now... I guess I don't know how to act around other girls. I have always had mostly male friends. What do girls talk about together, guys and makeup? I mean... I feel lost when I am around other girls, like I mean girls are usually so bitchy...
I mean the few girl friends I keep are cool, but I still feel awkward sometimes.
I am still talking to Matt, The convo has changed a bit... Matt and I are great buddies. I am really comfortable with him, like really comfy. And I hope he is just as compy with me... I don't know, Matty B is my softspot. Ask about anyone... I mean I climbed into the chair with him and totally passed out at the fire... I don't know... for some reason, I love curling up with him... I don't really feel that way about many of my guy friends... it's weird...
Ataris777Mai: once in a while I'll be watching a movie and wish you were here to curl up with, I don't know why, think I am weird?
flipskater50187: no its just nice hanging out with you even it is just to curl up with and watch a movie together
...that right there made me smile...
I always wonder why Matt is my softspot. We do a lot together. I don't know what I would do without him.
I have a sinus infection. My fever is breaking and I feel so heavy, and tired... But I can't go to bed...
it's 12:21... hmmm...
I been between convos and this for almost 2 hours. I been talking to Brenton too. We are going to hang out when he gets back from Penn. I think, that might be nice.
Wow! Phipps is on. Haven't spoken to her in a decade or two. haha.. Old times. Thinking back on the winter! Limos, peanut butter chips and concerts! Sleeping outside in November, damn that was a long time ago. Back when I knew how to be a girl. I mean I am a girl. I just don't know how to be girly...
I used to get a lot of guys... Now I am friends with all guys... and I don't get any guys... I need to learn how to date and be a girl again...
I made the boys raviolis today. With homemade sauce.. mmm.. they liked it... I guess that could be considered girly... or would that just seem motherly.... hmmm...
I visited like Bri Guy today. He's been doing really good. He knows how to read some now. And he speaks all with sign and voice. It's hard to understand him sometimes though. Shane and Matt came with me... Bri loved the attention. I mean he's four years old but he has some problems so I feel like it's a good idea to go over there and visit him sometimes and get him out...
we went swimming too... I finally made the length of the pool! yea!
Ok so here is my plans for the week.
Tomorrow- Senior Class Pics
Wends- Nick's house
Thursday- Watch Bri for a little, watch a movie with Matt
Friday- Beach
Saturday- crawl into a hole and die
ok you can take out saturday... but thats about it... I have filled my schedule pretty well...
it's 12:45... I am hungry and exhausted...