It's time for another edition of...
The Continuing Adventures of the Fandom Heartthrobs!
Starring: Sesshomaru, Legolas, and Lucius Malfoy
Guest Starring: Dobby
Plus a Surprise Special Guest!
Tonight's Episode: Three's Company
[Sesshomaru has moved in with Legolas after breaking up with Kagome. (What a Valentine's Day that was, hahaha.) Odd Couple theme music plays.]
Legolas: Sesshomaru, get in here!
Sesshomaru: What?
Legolas: What is this? What is this? Is this a stain on my coffee table? Geez, why do I even bother putting coasters here? It's not like you use them.
Sesshomaru: What's the big deal?
Legolas: ...You're kidding me, right? This coffee table is an antique! Salvaged from Smaug the dragon's treasures and given to me by Bilbo Baggins himself! Geeeeez.
Sesshomaru: Don't make me kill you. It'd be hard to find another roommate. Rent these days is atrocious.
Legolas: Gas prices suck too.
Sesshomaru: I know!
Legolas: At least you get a fat check from the government every month...
Sesshomaru: Um, hello...! I have ONE ARM! That's totally valid disability.
Legolas: Whatever. The only time you can't seem to manage with one arm is whenever it's time to do the laundry...
Sesshomaru: Oh boy, here it comes. Not this again. I told you, the bleach smell makes my eyes water.
Legolas: Suuure.
[The doorbell rings.]
Sesshomaru: Who's that?
Legolas: Probably Lucius. I invited him over for tea.
Sesshomaru: What the hell is up with you Brits and tea all the time?
Legolas: Technically, I'm not British. I'm Elvish.
Sesshomaru: Your skirt says differently.
Legolas: Ha ha. Now answer the door.
Sesshomaru: *grumblegrumble* I hate that stupid Lucius. His accent annoys the hell out of me. And the way he always brags about how his hair color's natural. Natural my ass.
[Sesshomaru opens the door.]
Lucius: Hello, mates!
Sesshomaru: Lucius! My good friend! How wonderful of you to visit. Come in, come in. Make yourself at home. Don't bother using a coaster. ...Oh, hold on a sec, you've got a troll imp following you. I'll get it. *whips out Tokijin*
Dobby: AHHH!
Lucius: Hey! That's my House-Elf. Put that bloody thing away. You demons and your swords. It's barbaric.
Legolas: Is that an old pair of your underwear your servant's wearing?
Lucius: Mine? No. I found it on the subway.
Legolas: ... So anyway... he's an elf you say? Doesn't look like an elf. I mean, where I come from, Elves are shining examples of aesthetic perfection.
Lucius: Yeah yeah, you're a regular Adonis. poncy git
Sesshomaru: Holy crap, there's a raccoon in the house! I'll get it--oh wait, sorry, it's that elf-troll again. Sorry. I see him and my head screams "vermin". My bad.
[Someone knocks on the door. Legolas looks through the peephole.]
Legolas: Oh shit, it's the landlord! Keep to the plan!
Sesshomaru: Right.
[Legolas opens the door.]
Legolas: Hello, Mr. Furley.
Mr. Furley: Yeah, I just came by to remind you your rent's past due.
Legolas: We'll have it for you tomorrow. My check from Pantene will come in then.
Mr. Furley: Great. Say, you got company?
Lucius: How do you do, pip pip.
Mr. Furley: It's so nice to have normal tenants around here. I had to turn down two people last week. Unmarried hooligans. If there's one thing I'm proud of, it's my strict policy to rent to married couples only.
Legolas: Er, right.
Mr. Furley: And if I may say so, Mrs. Greenleaf, you're looking mighty lovely today.
Sesshomaru: ...Oh you.
Mr. Furley: Well, so long.
[He leaves. Silence.]
Lucius: Dude.
Legolas: I know.
Lucius: Duuude.
Sesshomaru: I know.
Lucius: Duuuuudes.
Legolas & Sesshomaru: We know.
Lucius: He thinks you're a woman!
Sesshomaru: Shut up. It's...easier this way. Do you have any idea how hard it is to find a decent apartment in this city?
[Odd Couple theme music plays. End credits roll. Fade to black.]
THE END...FOR NOW