I guess I've figured it out...
I've gotten to the point where I can't just be strong anymore to survive. I need to feel loved. I need to be held and cuddled a little to feel okay. I need to hear from someone else, feel it in their touch and little kisses on my cheek, that I'm not a failure, that I'm okay.
I think, if I hear that, I'll get-up and fight for them. Even if I'm not really okay, I'll try hard to look-up and do what's right. It feels quite a bit better and safer to open-up to people, and it's nice to express my heartache and pain.
I'm suffering... I don't know how long I'll be like this, but I'm bogged down so thoroughly by my own pain and agony, I don't know how much I can take. I don't want to figure it out, I just want to be okay, again. Right now, for once in quite some time, I'm not shaking. Maybe it was the cigarette, maybe it was the conversation, maybe it was just crying in someone's arms and being told I'm not pathetic. But, no... I've tried it all before, all but the opening-up. It doesn't help... Except for that.
I've got to re-read some of these... I think I'll just... Start writing more. Start writing all my feelings and what-not. I have to see how much I've changed, so I can stop it and keep myself the way I wanted. I like being me.
I really don't know where I went wrong, but I do know that I don't want to change. I'd just like to be happy, please, if that isn't too much to ask, world.
Haha, behold my nonsensical emo babble. Something I swore I'd never do. Oh well... Haha.
I think, if I hear that, I'll get-up and fight for them. Even if I'm not really okay, I'll try hard to look-up and do what's right. It feels quite a bit better and safer to open-up to people, and it's nice to express my heartache and pain.
I'm suffering... I don't know how long I'll be like this, but I'm bogged down so thoroughly by my own pain and agony, I don't know how much I can take. I don't want to figure it out, I just want to be okay, again. Right now, for once in quite some time, I'm not shaking. Maybe it was the cigarette, maybe it was the conversation, maybe it was just crying in someone's arms and being told I'm not pathetic. But, no... I've tried it all before, all but the opening-up. It doesn't help... Except for that.
I've got to re-read some of these... I think I'll just... Start writing more. Start writing all my feelings and what-not. I have to see how much I've changed, so I can stop it and keep myself the way I wanted. I like being me.
I really don't know where I went wrong, but I do know that I don't want to change. I'd just like to be happy, please, if that isn't too much to ask, world.
Haha, behold my nonsensical emo babble. Something I swore I'd never do. Oh well... Haha.